Columns

10 Novels that Deserve a Remake

January 8th, 2018

I'm that guy throwing around expletives whenever the conversation turns to movie remakes. In a nutshell, I think 99% of them are unnecessary. However, Hollywood cares little for what I think and most fellow film fanatics eat them up, even when they know the final product is going to be pathetically awful—nothing more than a money machine that runs on nostalgia. In any case, since fighting against remakes is futile, I decided to ask for rewrites of existing novels. Yeah, if you can remake good movies, why not other narratives that have been around for a while, right?

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Kazuo Ishiguro: A Primer

January 4th, 2018

Drum-roll, please: in October, the Nobel Prize for Literature was awarded to… none other than Kazuo Ishiguro, the esteemed British novelist and purveyor of hidden glances and repressed emotions. “If you mix Jane Austen and Franz Kafka, then you have Kazuo Ishiguro in a nutshell,” Sara Danius, the permanent secretary of the Swedish Academy, told reporters when they announced their decision. “But you have to add a little bit of Marcel Proust into the mix. Then you stir, but not too much, then you have his writings.”

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'Ready Player One': Fun Ride or Commercialized Nostalgia?

January 3rd, 2018

You’ve seen the trailers, you’ve seen the book, and you’ve seen the movie tie-in cover they insist on printing even though NOBODY WANTS IT. Is Ready Player One a reference-heavy, cynical, nostalgia vampire feeding off the good memories we have of other pieces of media? Or is it a good book? Or is it both? What the hell is it?

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10 Resolutions to Help Make 2018 Your Best Reading Year Ever

January 2nd, 2018

Well, now that the dumpster fire known as 2017 is behind us, I suggest we fully embrace the social construction of New Year's resolutions and try to make the world better by reading more. Here are some suggestions that could make 2018 your best reading year so far:

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All the Way There: The Best Books of 2017...Part 2

December 29th, 2017

Back in June, I wrote about the best books of the first half of the year (Halfway There: The Best Books of 2017...So Far). Now that the year is almost over, it's time to look at all the good stuff that came our way since then. Here are the best books of the second half of 2017, in no particular order.

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Why Microsoft Word's New Grammar and Style Corrections Suck

December 28th, 2017

Microsoft Word has always been that know-it-all prick that's correcting your spelling and grammar. It HAS to interrupt you while you're talking, and you get the distinct feeling that it's not really listening to what you're saying. It's like telling your friend, "And that's when my dad done died." and your friend says, "You really shouldn't say he 'done' died."   The newest iteration of Word corrects more than ever. Wordiness? No more, says Microsoft. Cliche? Not here! Jargon? Excised. Er, replaced.

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How to Reconcile the Writing Life and Faith

December 26th, 2017

Faith has been an important aspect of my life since I was a child. My family did, in fact, pack everything up and move to Italy because we believed it was God’s calling on our lives.

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The Top 10 XXXmas Books

December 22nd, 2017

Holiday season a little too cold for them bones? Heat things up with some erotic Xmas sexcapades. Just make sure the kids are nestled all snug in their beds, visions of sugar-plums dancing in their heads. Because we don't want them accidentally seeing mommy and daddy's sugar plums, now do we? Enjoy responsibly.

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Harry Potter and the Merry Christmases, Ranked from Worst to Best

December 22nd, 2017

Christmas is in town and everyone’s gleeful, putting up decorations on Christmas trees… unless you’re Harry Potter, who is not a normal teenager. Poor Harry has experienced some pretty traumatic Christmases over the years, since the day also happens to be a plot point that figures pretty importantly in Rowling’s narrative arc.

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Why You Should Never Buy A Writer A Notebook

December 21st, 2017

It’s a no-brainer. Your friend, your mom, your person, is a writer. You aren’t going to buy them a new Macbook. You thought about gifting that vintage typewriter until you tried to lift it, learned it weighs 800 lbs, and priced it at about a dollar for every one of those pounds. No problem. You go with a notebook. Simple, practical. Supportive. Good choice, right? Maybe not. Hear me out.

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