To read this story or to participate in this writing event, you only need a free account.
You can Login with Facebook or create regular account
To find out what this event is about click here

Zen Pro's picture

THE DARKNESS

By Zen Pro in Scare Us

How It Rates

Voting for this event has ended
Once you have read this story, please make sure you rate it by clicking the thumbs above. Then take a few minutes to give the author a helpful critique! We're all here for fun but let's try to help each other too.

Description

On the tenth anniversary of his young bride's brutal death, a lone veteran grapples with the midnight of his soul.

Comments

Jane Wiseman's picture
Jane Wiseman from Danville Virginia--now living outside of Albuquerque/in Minneapolis is reading Kindred, by Octavia Butler July 31, 2012 - 7:29pm

Wow, what a wonderful, evocative story. It's amazing. I love your use of the language. Thanks, too, for the Archibald Macleish poem. I didn't know about that one.

Zen Pro's picture
Zen Pro October 9, 2012 - 1:29pm

Thx so much for your kind words Jane - I have replied to everyone at http://litreactor.com/events/scare-us/the-darkness#comment-105972 :-)

Regards,

/Z

DaJoHi's picture
DaJoHi from MA is reading Wool (1-5) August 3, 2012 - 10:03am

Wow! Excellent imagery. 

The opening combat scene flowed like a ballet. The descriptions were well done. Interesting way the fight went with the warrior fighting in the dark. My assumption was that this was set in the future (or in some human like world with advanced technology) but nonetheless the use of a bayonet as the primary weapon was unique.

The writing flowed very well. It was poetic. You certainly have a way with words. 

 

Emma C's picture
Class Facilitator
Emma C from Los Angeles is reading Black Spire by Delilah Dawson August 6, 2012 - 1:39pm

Beautifully written, and haunting. It felt more like post-apocalyptic sci-fi than horror to me, which I liked. There is so much open to interpretation here that the reader can really walk away with their own idea of character, plot and setting- I know I did and I'm sure it's not what you intended.

My favorite part was the silent statues of her filling the expanded apartment.

 
Jonathan Riley's picture
Jonathan Riley from Memphis, Tennessee is reading Flashover by Gordon Highland August 11, 2012 - 3:25pm

I loved the opening fight scene. Reminds me of the God of War or Dante's Inferno video games. It was great. I loved the description of the appartment too. I stumbled a bit with the switches in p.o.v. but that should be easy enough to clean up. Thanks for the great read.

--Jonathan--

TigersMS's picture
TigersMS from Australia is reading House of Leaves August 15, 2012 - 3:35pm

Very impressive. You have a real talent for writing. Normally I don't get into this kind of short story but this one had some real quality about it.

Zen Pro's picture
Zen Pro March 31, 2013 - 12:48pm

Hey guys, thanks so much to you all for taking the time to read 'The Darkness', in fact an extract from the first novella of my debut manuscript ‘Babushka: The Warrior’s Angel’. A positive reaction always means something more when it comes from a fellow writer who understands the blood, sweat and tears required to get the right words on the page in roughly the right order... If you are interested in reading more about this warrior and his storyworld then you might like to know that the rest of this novella is online at http://thewarriorsangel.tumblr.com. Also, FYI, I am curently adapting this story into a screenplay for a film project. More information about this project can be found on its blog at http://whatifloveneverhadtodie.tumblr.com and its facebook page at www.facebook.com/BabushkaTheFilm. I hope you will enjoy the rest of this story as it unfolds and will always welcome any further comments you have the time to offer. Your support means a great deal to me :-) 

 

/Z

PS. If, in return, you would ever like to share any of your writing with me then my email address is Zennis@ThePatchworkProject.com.