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Janae Green's picture

People in the Walls

By Janae Green in Scare Us

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Description

Susan has the same nightmare every year.

Comments

Jane Wiseman's picture
Jane Wiseman from Danville Virginia is reading The Iron Council, by China Mieville July 26, 2012 - 7:16pm

Can't say I understood it, but it's very evocative and creepy.

turnermolly's picture
turnermolly from Tahlequah, OK is reading The Miseducation of Cameron Post July 31, 2012 - 12:23pm

I underlined some sentences:

Shards of light danced from brown and green, while her skin aged silently.

Holding her hand over the place where the air got hot; holding her hand there until his dreams pulled closer and craddled his thoughts.

“Nature is filled with dirt,” Greg says, covered in pink filth, “but human nature smells a lot worse.”

I think the style of this piece is very cool. It's almost like prose poetry. I think it's great to experiment, but it's sometimes a little distracting and confusing. I realize that Suzy was the killer but I was never really clear on anything else in the story. I think with some revisions it could be really fun.

dreamingthrougheuphoria's picture
dreamingthrough... from Portland is reading The Alchemy of Air August 6, 2012 - 12:02pm

I agree with turnermolly. You have a good gift of descripting, but it gets vague and confusing at points. I can't tell if there were actually three deaths in the story. Greg dies I can tell. But was it the mother and father that died in the flashbacks she keeps having? It seems to be referenced with the father at the end of the story, when she asks if he is sleeping, but you can't really tell. 

Also, if the people in the walls are the creature for the submission, I think there needs to be more of a separation between them and Susan, because I think as it's written, you could almost mistake Susan as just going crazy on a killing spree, which I don't think fits with the rules of the submission. 

Thank you for the words. Hope this helps a bit. 

-dTe

Janae Green's picture
Janae Green from the Pacific Northwest is reading Liberty's Excess by Lidia Yuknavitch August 14, 2012 - 12:18pm

Thank you readers, Jane, Molly, and dTe for your feedback!

I agree. My words confusing they are. You should hear me tell stories in person, haha.

I enjoyed reading your reactions and very much appreciate the support and honesty. Thank you, thank you.

Love,

janae