MikeJesus's picture
MikeJesus from Nowhere in particular is reading This Side of Paradise, Fitzgerald February 7, 2015 - 8:51pm

I've been thinking about this for a while but now that a particular Hallmark-holiday is around the corner it seemed like a good time to bring this up.

How often do you guys write about your love life?

I have found myself being able to write about all sorts of sensitive topics over the past but I find myself hobbling whenever the subject of romance is involved. It just seems that whenever I put pen to paper on the subject I can't disassociate my self enough to make good fiction. The characters don't become based on real life people, they actually become them. I start writing really slow and adding in details which have absolutely nothing to do with the story but are reflections of whatever real life thing the story was meant to be based on. Most of these stories end up in the 'I don't know why I'm writing this' void.

I'm completely fine with writing about other subjects which should theoretically be a lot closer to me, be it substance abuse, cancer or whatever bucket of 'I shouldn't bring this up in polite conversation' I've encountered over the past couple of years. With these things however I'm able to completely divorce the character from me as an individual. Instead of using my writing as a means of airing my dirty laundry I use my experience to better explore whatever the character is going through.

With that said I did try to confront the challenge and after a bit more editing I'll post up a piece revolving around the subject sometime soon.

Super curious about how y'all confront romance through your writing!

Thuggish's picture
Thuggish from Vegas is reading Day of the Jackal February 7, 2015 - 9:26pm

You could always make them argue a lot.

Dwayne's picture
Dwayne from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updated February 8, 2015 - 11:54am

How often do you guys write about your love life?

Never. Not anyone's else's business. 

Carly Berg's picture
Carly Berg from USA is reading Story Prompts That Work by Carly Berg is now available at Amazon February 8, 2015 - 10:59pm

Sometimes it's a bit of an issue in my mind even though it's fiction. My husband is my best critiquer and helps me with everything I write. So, if it's based on something about him, that's a bit awkward, however much it's twisted and fictionalized. And if it's not based on something about him, well, that's a bit awkward too! But, I still always at least try to just write whatever story comes to me, as it comes to me, and worry about all that later. Interesting question.

Jose F. Diaz's picture
Jose F. Diaz from Boston is reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel February 12, 2015 - 3:32am

I write about my failed relationships. BUT, the outcome, for me, is that there must be a way to forgive all transgressions and reaffirm the individuals right to choice, even if those choices aren't ones that you want to accept. That's where the conflict is, where two desires cross paths, but don't end up in the same direction. It's so easy to demonize the cheater, but to find good in it in some way....

lizlazzara's picture
lizlazzara from Boston, MA is reading The Kills, To Show and To Tell, The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching, Understanding Schizophrenia. December 9, 2015 - 12:53pm

I write a lot about my love life -- personal essayist, here! But I change names to protect the innocent and guilty both. 

When it comes to fiction, I don't write love interests based on people I know -- I try to create them out of pieces of multiple people, or multiple ideas of people. That tends to eliminate the problem of writing a character who is a person walking around in the world.

T. Dagarim's picture
T. Dagarim from Atlanta, GA December 9, 2015 - 1:49pm

I'm working on a story now with a character that is loosely based on my first love. The story is not true, but the character is very realistic to the actual person's personality. I actually find it easier to use this type of personal relationship, because as an author, I must spend so much time "getting to know" my characters, so that I can accurately represent them in the context of the scene.

I have let my friends and family know that no one is off limits to be used as a character.

I do believe that this type of personal experience works particularly well with those who ascribe to being "pantsers".

In particular, love is one of the most, if not the most strong emotions experience, so naturally I use my love life often, though at times, only a fraction of the reality remains intact. As a writer, my personal preference is to write things that make me stretch myself past the uncomfortabilty. For me, my love life is very uncomfortable to use, and that is why it is vital that I do use it.

L.W. Flouisa's picture
L.W. Flouisa from Tennessee is reading More Murakami December 9, 2015 - 9:48pm

In general I reserve such diary topics to my poetry, and even then it's not celebrating love so much as (for a long time before I started transition) resentment of women being prettier than me and that kind of dysphoric jelousy.

tesswritestoo's picture
tesswritestoo from Nashville, TN is reading Midnight's Children December 11, 2015 - 11:51am

I'm currently using a failed relationship as the structure for one of my stories. The characters in the relationship will have some similiarities to me and my ex, but I'm planning on exaggerating characteristics, rather than having identical personalities. The bones can be the same, but the differences will be in the details.

Lesley J Vos's picture
Lesley J Vos from Chicago is reading The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins December 28, 2015 - 4:45am

i write for the Web mostly, so... it seems there is no love life online))