Chris Johnson's picture
Chris Johnson from Burlington NC is reading The Proud Highway July 3, 2012 - 1:47pm

Thought that would get your attention.

I've been here for a little while, lurking. I make music and I write and other than that, well, I drink a bit and sit around. I'm teaching my daughter how to read and she has the same sense of gumption that I do, so it's going slow. So sedentary lifestyle, books, music, films, the kid, that's about it.

I'm unemployed because of terrible decisions I've made in the past. As such, if you need a go-to for illegal activities, I'm your guy. And I'm bored. Hi.

JEFFREY GRANT BARR's picture
JEFFREY GRANT BARR from Central OR is reading Nothing but fucking Shakespeare, for the rest of my life July 3, 2012 - 2:06pm

According to Rule 34...

Oh yeah, ears. Only in Japan!

Welcome to SexReactor, where the sexy sex sexes! Sex!

Michael J. Riser's picture
Michael J. Riser from El Cerrito, CA (originally), now Fort Worth, TX is reading The San Veneficio Canon - Michael Cisco, The Croning - Laird Barron, By the Time We Leave Here, We'll Be Friends - J. David Osborne July 3, 2012 - 2:25pm

Welcome aboard. I'm unemployed due to terrible past decisions too, so I already feel a bond with you. I imagine it sucks worse than it would to just be unemployed because you're unemployed, but I have no frame of reference.

If you need anyone to join you for crime, I'm down. As long as it pays.

Or even if it doesn't, I guess.

.'s picture
. July 3, 2012 - 2:53pm

I gave up my criminal career. Too many bitches tryin to rob ya. 

Great story in the Scare Me contest by the way.

Sound's picture
Sound from Azusa, CA is reading Greener Pastures by Michael Wehunt July 3, 2012 - 3:19pm

Dammit, fooled again. Now I got to find titties on the web myself..

Chris Johnson's picture
Chris Johnson from Burlington NC is reading The Proud Highway July 3, 2012 - 3:40pm

I stole the title from PCP man here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kHtVICLjz4

It works, though. He's the mad poet of the streets. Ice cubes and whatnot.

Chris Johnson's picture
Chris Johnson from Burlington NC is reading The Proud Highway July 3, 2012 - 3:48pm

Also, I meant if you need advice on crime in a story. One more time and I'm looking at habitual, so I've retired as well. Yeah.

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig July 3, 2012 - 3:49pm

I'm unemployed voluntarily.

Anyway, welcome. There's going to be a whole thing that happens in this thread, and eventually you'll be reading the latest posts thinking "this IS the thread I posted, right?".

.'s picture
. July 3, 2012 - 4:11pm

Also, I meant if you need advice on crime in a story.

 

I'll keep that in mind.

Yeah, Renee is right. Everything turns to non-table talk.

Chris Johnson's picture
Chris Johnson from Burlington NC is reading The Proud Highway July 3, 2012 - 5:02pm

I'm gonna go watch some fireworks. They have them on the third here to piss off everyone that has to work.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters July 3, 2012 - 5:05pm

Did someone say "ear"?

JEFFREY GRANT BARR's picture
JEFFREY GRANT BARR from Central OR is reading Nothing but fucking Shakespeare, for the rest of my life July 3, 2012 - 5:12pm

FoxyLenz's picture
FoxyLenz from Shangri -L.I is reading Mists of Avalon July 3, 2012 - 5:13pm

great avery take the ear....now I gotta bring the titties

FoxyLenz's picture
FoxyLenz from Shangri -L.I is reading Mists of Avalon July 3, 2012 - 5:17pm

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters July 3, 2012 - 5:40pm

I'm trying to make my ear famous.  Maybe it will take me along for the ride.

FoxyLenz's picture
FoxyLenz from Shangri -L.I is reading Mists of Avalon July 3, 2012 - 5:52pm

"But, she told me she'd make me a star. All I had to do was take some pictures"-Avery's ear

Tony Koval's picture
Tony Koval from Jesustown, Bible Belt, Texas, USA is reading more and more and more July 3, 2012 - 5:58pm

Love me some Jack!

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig July 3, 2012 - 6:01pm

Those are some pretty perky titties for an old timer.

Tony Koval's picture
Tony Koval from Jesustown, Bible Belt, Texas, USA is reading more and more and more July 3, 2012 - 6:07pm

He's obviously had some work done.

Sound's picture
Sound from Azusa, CA is reading Greener Pastures by Michael Wehunt July 3, 2012 - 6:09pm

@Avery: I'm pretty sure there are ear models out there. 

@Foxy: Those were not the titties I was expecting, nor the ones I wanted to see. 

.'s picture
. July 3, 2012 - 6:17pm

I got this...

Tony Koval's picture
Tony Koval from Jesustown, Bible Belt, Texas, USA is reading more and more and more July 3, 2012 - 6:20pm

HOLY GOD.

She has really nice eyes.

.'s picture
. July 3, 2012 - 6:25pm

Agreed.

Michael J. Riser's picture
Michael J. Riser from El Cerrito, CA (originally), now Fort Worth, TX is reading The San Veneficio Canon - Michael Cisco, The Croning - Laird Barron, By the Time We Leave Here, We'll Be Friends - J. David Osborne July 3, 2012 - 6:49pm

Actually, if you just look at her eyes, they're fucking creepy. Like a bird's.

Anyone ever watch/read Berserk?

Chris Johnson's picture
Chris Johnson from Burlington NC is reading The Proud Highway July 3, 2012 - 9:08pm

Anyone ever listened to 'Endless Night' from Shobaleader One: d'Demonstrator?

Jose F. Diaz's picture
Jose F. Diaz from Boston is reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel July 3, 2012 - 9:12pm

Welcome to the pit.

Sound's picture
Sound from Azusa, CA is reading Greener Pastures by Michael Wehunt July 3, 2012 - 9:13pm

She has eyes?

 

Chris Johnson's picture
Chris Johnson from Burlington NC is reading The Proud Highway July 3, 2012 - 9:33pm

I wonder if she's ginger across the board.

FoxyLenz's picture
FoxyLenz from Shangri -L.I is reading Mists of Avalon July 3, 2012 - 10:07pm

I am shocked and appalled that the answer to that is not readily available on the interwebs....

all faux gingers should also be reported to the Ginger Bureau of Soul Collection and Dismemberment, or atleast outed for their fake firey locks

Michael J. Riser's picture
Michael J. Riser from El Cerrito, CA (originally), now Fort Worth, TX is reading The San Veneficio Canon - Michael Cisco, The Croning - Laird Barron, By the Time We Leave Here, We'll Be Friends - J. David Osborne July 3, 2012 - 10:09pm

I say we've got too many bottle-blondes. We need to breed more real gingers, but if somebody wants to fake it, at least it gives the world some bloody variety.

FoxyLenz's picture
FoxyLenz from Shangri -L.I is reading Mists of Avalon July 3, 2012 - 10:24pm

blasphemy....

Sound's picture
Sound from Azusa, CA is reading Greener Pastures by Michael Wehunt July 3, 2012 - 10:34pm

She has hair?

 

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner July 4, 2012 - 5:15am

HOLY GOD.

 

She has really nice eyes."

 

Hmmm

 

 

Also I refuse to welcome anyone without an intro by Chris. I'm big time like that

 

Tony Koval's picture
Tony Koval from Jesustown, Bible Belt, Texas, USA is reading more and more and more July 4, 2012 - 6:28am

Matt, you get back in my introduction thread, and you give me my meme! D:<

Michael, I think it's the pinpoint pupils. And I've watched Berserk

Chris Davis's picture
Chris Davis from Indiana is reading A Feast of Snakes by Harry Crews July 4, 2012 - 6:51am

As an aspiring writer you don't make bad decisions you are just causing self inflicted inspiration, remember that and you'll be fine.

I'm about to go watch a movie so I will make this somewhat brief.

Matt, one of our finest community leaders here at the site, will first drop by to give you a welcome pic that will change your life.  Once it's received we encourage you to write a piece of flash fiction about the picture and dedicate it to Matt for a new anthology we are putting together in his honor. 

Then Avery will give you the sacred welcome meme, this makes you official. Once you have this we will start paying attention to you and treating you like your opinions matter.

Sincerely

Christopher Leonardo Donatello Michelangelo Raphael Davis M.D.

P.S. while you've been reading this Mike Riser was been in your house rubbing his beard on things.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner July 4, 2012 - 7:20am

Welcome. I like the idea of a Matt anthology, as long as I don't put forth any effort. 

 

Here's your pic. You're approved. 

Chris Johnson's picture
Chris Johnson from Burlington NC is reading The Proud Highway July 4, 2012 - 9:14am

For Matt Attack, who couldn't keep it up while we were watching Hostel

THE DREAM

She backed her car into the picture window in front of my house and I said what are you doing and she said children are involved and gave me drugs and she proceeded to try to find a vein in the back of her hand and I said meme, you know, what makes you so attractive is I can't tell your gender. Suddenly we were in a European discotheque in a back booth and there was an obscene lump in her panties and I said hey you said it was a tattoo of a dragon's tail, and she said well, Stieg liked it. Two anthropomorphic ants crawled out of her asshole and started dancing to Taxi by Harry Chapin. The glass dome shattered and oranges began to rain from the ceiling, effectively foreshadowing death. I said foreshadow, foreskin? She said waiter! Then there's a bunch of firefighters and Tim Robbins, they're all dancing and slipping on the oranges and the glass from the car and the picture window. A lion with a golden chain and aviator sunglasses dances on the equator, ago. He ate the ants. I said word? I took the briefcase and opened it in the hotel room and it was all funny money, so I tipped over the vase and she said what are you doing? We won't get our deposit back if you make a mess, and I said you're a hippie, what do you give a shit? Besides, it's a hotel room we don't have a deposit and your dog ate my fucking frisbee. So I shot her and ran down the stairs to the front desk and there was Tim Robbins and he said what condition is the room in? And I said there's a dead hippie up there. And he said crucified? I said word? He said well, most dead hippies get crucified here. Do we need to send firefighters and Stieg Larsson up? I said no, send a package of ants for her asshole. Rooney Mara dancing with a lion across the lobby and the chandelier is fine and the band is playing Taxi in a back booth. She came down with shot and blood falling out of her face and the vase over her anthole and tripped on the shot and landed on an orange. I asked for my check. Took her to the bar and the smell of iron from her blood and the lead was intermingling with patchouli and a frisbee fell out from under her dreadlocks and landed on an anthill effectively foreshadowing a picture through a car window. She said until I get my Harry Chapin autographed thimble. It's part of a set. Like a Julia set? She said that's what I thought. She left, taking Tim Robbins with her. He cried over his shoulder I told you, crucifixion, man. That's what does it for all the hippies. I said waiter! And all the dead apples rose from the earth in a field of blood...

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner July 4, 2012 - 11:06am

Love it sir. You're in. The only thing missing though was...Steve Buscemi

 

SURPRISE! 

 

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig July 4, 2012 - 11:10am

YAY! Surprise Steve Buscemi! 

 

He is looking rather dapper in that one. It's weird though, you took the Steve Buscemi surprise and just ran with it. I'm not sure where that leaves me.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner July 4, 2012 - 11:14am

You're the mother and your husband would be the father of the SBS! I am just the kidnapper. 

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig July 4, 2012 - 11:29am

You are SBS's Godfather.

.'s picture
. July 4, 2012 - 1:50pm

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner July 4, 2012 - 2:20pm

LOL @ Dakota- see! It's addictive! 

Strange Photon's picture
Strange Photon from Fort Wayne, IN is reading Laurie Anderson lyrics July 4, 2012 - 2:32pm

Ok, I was promised breasts and ears... I got a delectibly suckable ear, thanks to avery, (and a very big thanks it is indeed), but the breasts were entirely disappointing. I mean, really, I can't handle the moobs.

And on a ginger note, give me Amy Adams over Christina Hendricks any day of the week, and twice on Sundays. Everyone going to church tends to make me extra horny.

Welcome, Chris J., I too have fallen into writing after being legally barred from my chosen profession, and voting for that matter - so I feel your pain. That is all I'm willing to feel though, so stop offering more and more money, you're just embarrassing the both of us.

.'s picture
. July 4, 2012 - 2:34pm

Amy Adams is hot as shit! But Christina Hendricks takes the win in the ginger relm for me. In a general hot chick category though, yeah Amy.

Chris Johnson's picture
Chris Johnson from Burlington NC is reading The Proud Highway July 4, 2012 - 11:19pm

I'm missing teefs and I wish I had the Boosheemi.

Besides, isn't he full television gangster now? Wait, it's not TV...