Columns

What's With Stephen King and Farts?

October 11th, 2019

Farts. Flatulence. Toots. Breaking Wind. Blowing Ass. Cropdusting. I’d just like to point out that writing this column is technically a job for me. And by writing it, I’ve confirmed the saying is true: “Do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Beef walk, brown belch, cornhole crack, trouser cough, bumsen burner. I got a late start on Stephen King, but since I got rolling I’ve been plowing through his books faster than a heinous fart wrecks a nice Sunday morning in bed.

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The Maligned History Of "It Was A Dark And Stormy Night"

October 10th, 2019

"Swamped Swallow" by DigitalEpicness / Public Domain "It was a dark and stormy night..."

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The Thing Holding You Back from Being a Better Writer

October 10th, 2019

This was originally going to be a nice article that analyzed other successful writer's habits and routines, and how you could then apply said lessons to your own writing discipline. I would talk about people like Hemingway, Stephen King, Faulkner, and Murakami, then analyze the trends that appeared in their routines and show the common threads that ran amongst them so that you could apply that to your own routine. I got 80% through writing that article, and then realized it was kind of bullshit and threw it in the trash.

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Dying on the Mountain: How Goals Will Kill You and How to Focus on the Process

October 9th, 2019

In an old and underrated Robert Redford movie, The Last Castle, he plays a disgraced general in a military prison, toiling under the oppression of a sniveling warden played by the late, great James Gandolfini. The prisoners are stripped of rank and not allowed to salute, and as punishment, the warden has them rebuild one of the ancient prison's stone walls, by hand. When they lament the punishment and put the mildest of efforts into the construction of the wall, the Stoic General Eugene Irwin replies simply, "But it's your wall."

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A Goosebumpy Celebration of R.L. Stine

October 8th, 2019

What is the scariest thing a writer can think of? Writer’s block... Dyslexia... Illiteracy rates…

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Want to Be Radical? Be Sincere

October 8th, 2019

I developed the habit of journaling in high school. While I compose most of my professional writing at a computer, I still journal by hand, usually in a blank-paged, spine bound notebook, and I don’t ever leave home without taking it. What began as indulgence in adolescent loneliness has over the years transformed into an attempt to salvage memory, correct or record confusion, but also to unload tirades of frustration, anger and fear.

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Writing Under Duress: How to Persevere When Your Job, Life, and Kids Are Also a Priority

October 7th, 2019

The last three years have been completely transformative for me, especially in my writing process. I moved cross-country and went from working an eight-to-five job in an office to working part-time. I became a new mom and a work-from-home parent. Through all of this, I’ve had to adjust my writing schedule in various ways—and admit to others just how important writing is for me. I struggled with it. In a way, my writing process has also been evidence of my process of growth— and through it all I’ve had to weather the difficulties of making time for my craft.

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Book vs. Film vs. Series: "The Handmaid's Tale"

October 4th, 2019

In 2017, Hulu's series The Handmaid's Tale debuted, offering viewers a chilling glimpse into a not-so-distant dystopian future that seems quite plausible, given the (still) current real-world political climate of regression, oppression, and fascistic/theocratic leadership tendencies.

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Smile! All You Need to Know About The Joker Before You Watch the Movie

October 3rd, 2019

Throughout history, many characters who were only meant to exist for a brief time have managed to escape the tolling of the death knell. For instance, the Fonz was originally supposed to be a minor side character on Happy Days. Steve Urkel was only meant to make a guest appearance in the first episode of Family Matters. Arthur Weasley only survived an attack from Nagini in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix thanks to J.K. Rowling’s last-minute change of heart.

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Revisiting The Twilight Phenomenon

October 2nd, 2019

When I started looking into the history of the Twilight phenomenon, I didn’t set out to piss EVERYONE off by saying that Twilight ain’t so bad. But that’s about to happen. It was easy to hate Twilight at its height. Its Twi-height, as I call it. Because I’m clever.

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