There is just no possible way that I could let the ghastliest, grossest, most ghoulish month pass by without a special installment of Guess The Plot. Because nothing says "Halloween" like trying to figure out what in the name of Frederick Krueger is going on within a classic horror novel based only on the insanity on its cover.

Here's How To Play: Come up with a short description of the following book’s plot. Your theoretical summary should be the logical extension of the cover, although wild-ass extrapolation is certainly encouraged. And no checking with Google for plot information, I want pure originality! Post your work in the comment section below and bask in the praise and respect that's sure to follow. (Check out the previous installments for inspiration: Episode I, Episode II, Episode III, Episode IV.)

So turn down the lights, stick your hand in some cold spaghetti, and prepare yourself for the ultimate terror of...

CALY

Good golly! Like, all the hair on my goose bumps just turned white! And that's only natural, when faced with as haunting a vision of the macabre as this masterpiece. What we have here is nothing less than life and death itself, wrapped up in one horrendously unflattering gown. I mean, Caly is a fit and beautiful woman who happens to have a Skull Head, but that dress isn't doing her any favors. (Plus it clashes terribly with her Skull Head, which - come on - I'm sure she's trying not to call too much more attention to.) Maybe Maine isn't exactly a sartorial hot spot, but I have to imagine that there are some kind of chic bridal options in the greater Kennebunkport area. Or just go with a rustic theme - maybe the groom could wear a plaid shirt? Have fun with it! Take it from me - you will never find a dream house when that thing is haunting your closet.

Want to join in the spooky fun? Maybe you've got a catty fashion zinger of your own? Let's hear 'em all in the comments!

About the author

Originally from Concord, Massachusetts, Jon Korn spent a decade in Los Angeles trying to get warm. He now lives in Oakland, where he works as a writer and film festival programmer. Over the past 10 years, Jon has watched tens of thousands of movies for the Sundance Film Festival, AFI FEST, Outfest, and CineVegas, among others. Not all of them were good, but it is still a wonderful job. Jon is the co-creator of the Echo Park Time Travel Mart and a Jeopardy! champion. His hobbies include cooking, being sad about baseball, and not answering the phone.