Columns > Published on June 7th, 2012

Guess The Plot, Episode III: Jacked And Pumped

It's time for another installment of the Internet's favorite speculative, vintage book cover-based game: Guess The Plot! Over the past two months, LiReactor has come through with some of the most creative and hilarious theories on where, exactly, these crazy books' narratives might go. They are so good, in fact, that I thought it might be fun to begin highlighting one of the most memorable comments from the previous installment.

If you don't remember, or - gasp! - didn't see it originally, last month's Guess The Plot focused on the cutting social satire and provocative artwork of Into Plutonian Depths.  Frequent LitReactor contributor Edsikov covered himself in glory with the proposed story of "brawny Shift Hunter" and "voluptuous Empress Plutonia, who carries one of the planet’s 17 moons on her head and has a big secret under her bikini bottom..." Nicely done, sir!

Want to be singled out for your hilarious take on this month's cover?

Here's How To Play: Come up with a short description of the following book’s plot. This theoretical summary should be the logical extension of the artwork and text on the covers, although wild-ass extrapolation is certainly encouraged. And no checking with Google for plot information, I want pure originality! Then post your work in the comment section below.

Now, on to the cover!

Alien Atlas

Well, this is super embarrassing...Somehow C.M. Alexander and the good folks at Manor Books have gotten their hands on my 6th grade Social Studies notebook and used one of my signature "muscle dudes" for their cover. Kid is yolked! (And, judging from his eyes, part Drow too. Where my nerds at?) I would be a little worried if Kid Yolked needed to use that scimitar, whether it's while invading or showing some courage. His armor strategy seems to be, how do I put this, shockingly incomplete. Yes, any attacks on the shins, hair, or left forearm will be fruitless, but won't opponents' eyes - and weapons - be drawn to that Batman decal-cum-target in the middle of Kid Yolked strapping chest? My suggestion for a quick fix: more quad grease! I'm also a little fuzzy on what we're supposed to get from that word "Atlas." Maybe it's a vague mythological reference, but I prefer to think that some sort of interstellar Thomas Guide plays a prominent role in good ol' C.M.'s tale. Regardless of the particulars, I think we can all agree that you can't put a price on this much adventure! (Although $1.95 seems a little steep.)

Your turn kids! What the heck do you think is going on here? And where can I get some trunks like that? Bathing suit season is upon us, after all...

About the author

Originally from Concord, Massachusetts, Jon Korn spent a decade in Los Angeles trying to get warm. He now lives in Oakland, where he works as a writer and film festival programmer. Over the past 10 years, Jon has watched tens of thousands of movies for the Sundance Film Festival, AFI FEST, Outfest, and CineVegas, among others. Not all of them were good, but it is still a wonderful job. Jon is the co-creator of the Echo Park Time Travel Mart and a Jeopardy! champion. His hobbies include cooking, being sad about baseball, and not answering the phone.

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