Columns

35 Reasons You Are a Terrible Writer and Should Give Up Immediately

September 21st, 2015

01. You couldn’t think of an interesting or humorous introduction to your latest article. 02. You stared at a blank screen for more than ten minutes without writing a single word. 03. You tried writing longhand and the tip of your pencil broke. 04. You tried with a pen and became frustrated with the constant scratch-outs.

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Book vs. Film: Cabal vs. Nightbreed

September 18th, 2015

Last year, the good folks at Scream! Factory, the horror imprint of specialty Blu-Ray manufacturers Shout! Factory, released something truly special: the director's cut of Clive Barker's cult classic Nightbreed. Fans of the film, as well as Barker himself, had been eager to see the version of the film its creator had originally intended to release back in 1990.

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What Every Successful Novel Opening Must Do: Myth vs. Reality

September 17th, 2015

The day is short, the slush is deep, and if your manuscript doesn't have what it takes to hook a reader from the very first page, agents and editors will waste no time in kicking it to the curb.  It's a bit of a brutal business, but necessary; to succeed in securing a readership, a novel's opening must prove more seductive than the latest email pinging your reader's phone, the latest update from some far-flung friend, or the siren song of Netflix.

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Bookshots: 'The Big Bad Book of Bill Murray' by Robert Schnakenberg

September 17th, 2015

Bookshots: Pumping new life into the corpse of the book review Title: The Big Bad Book of Bill Murray Who wrote it? Bill Murray is one of the most interesting people to ever work in film. Eccentric doesn't even begin to cover it. Not Bill Murray. The book is written by Robert Schnakenberg.

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6 Books That Would Make Great Reality TV Shows

September 15th, 2015

It seems like people are reading less and less these days. Instead of opening the nearest book, we turn on our televisions to watch the families, contestants, and cats starring in the latest reality series. I know I can’t help but be entertained by these shows. The marital feuds, drunken brawls, and shocking cliffhangers before commercials hook me like crazy.

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Charles Bukowski reviews 'Purity' by Jonathan Franzen

September 15th, 2015

I get so close this time. I make it all the way past the three headed mutt and over the river. I even have my finger on the elevator button, waiting for the shimmering doors to open and take me back to the Mortal World. I'm practically on a stool with a bottle of suds in my hand, swapping tall tales with the bartender, when the hand comes down on my shoulder. ‘Step away from the Pearly Gate, Chuck.’ That motherfucker Gabriel, all wings and pageboy haircut and saintly expression.

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The Problem with Rape's Portrayal in Fiction

September 14th, 2015

There are lots of reasons why rape's portrayal in media is difficult. Beyond the fact that these scenes or "plot events" can act as triggers for a painfully high portion of the population, there's the fact that we're talking about a very real experience with weighty implications. In media and fiction, the portrayal isn't always done particularly well or with much sensitivity.

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How to Be a Writer (According to Hollywood)

September 11th, 2015

Image from the film Ruby Sparks Sometimes I think movies about writers made me want to be a writer more than an actual love for literature. When I was a kid, I probably watched Misery more than a hundred times. I was obsessed. This was before I even realized the film was adapted from a novel—hell, I didn’t even know who Stephen King was. I just knew there was a movie called Misery and it rocked my world.

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10 Author Tips for Con Appearances

September 10th, 2015

Sooner or later in your writing career, you’re going to be attending a convention. But you’re a writer, you have social anxiety, you live in the attic and never interact with humans, so how are you gonna pull it off? Whether your goal is to sell some books, to network with other authors and publishers, get an agent, or you’ve been invited as a guest of honor or panelist, you need to know the basics.

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Sink or Swim: 10 Things I Learned Writing My Second Novel

September 10th, 2015

In my previous post, I talked about the trials I faced with my first novel, Falling Sky, and the lessons I learned from the process. That should have put me in a great position for the sequel, Rising Tide, which is due out October 6. I'd been through it once, I knew what to expect, I'd learned the lessons, right?  Not so much. 

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