I am curious what you guys think of this. I have seen several examples in past years of people self publishing through amazon and such and making quite a bit of money. Apparently part of this is pricing your book at like one or two dollars, and thus people are more willing to take a chance.
I have no illusions of grandeur here. None. However, I am seriously considering it. The query process eats your soul, not to mention the contests that are out there. The last one I entered I placed like fourth (with the top three getting contracts, DAMN YOU FATE)
My goal is to get my name out of there, change the world, all the cliches. Any thoughts? Have you guys considered it?
This question comes in a lot. People think they can just throw up a novel for a buck and it takes off from there. What they forget is that Hocking and Konrath (the successful ones) released a new book about every couple months. If you can't do that don't even bother.
If you are hoping to get to the point you make the same as the average guy on the street as a writer, or to bring in some extra money to make things a little easier and you are able to put out the level of content needed to make it as a indy go for it. If you have any crazy dream of making millions I'd say it's just a disappointment waiting to happen.
As far as the cheap Kindle route, as Konrath has put it on his own website, unless you have the will and the drive to continuously author/co-author books every few months all you will make is some extra cash for groceries. Hocking used the Twilight trend and wrote teenage vampire fantasy crap.
Last time I checked, the two most popular book genres were thriller and romance on Amazon. So if that is not your writing style, it probably won't sell. It should be everyones goal to get a real publisher, at least for the first book. You need a following really before you can make sells on your own.
Sometimes publishers are just dick wads though, and in that case self-publish, but market yourself in every way possible. And show yourself some respect with your prices, only run sells.
Formatting an E-book properly is also a painful process, hire someone if you do.
If you really believe in your book, give it six months to a year of querying and seeking an agent for it before going the self publish route but if you want to self publish don't let anyone deter you. Everyone needs a chance to make a name for themselves and its not always an easy path. All that matters is the quality of the work, not anyones petty judgments of how it came into existence.
(great answer I wish I came up with - see above)
Yeah, Laurance is right about the marketing aspect of self-publishing though. You have to be a pimp. Not everyone can get limo rides to book signings and handjobs from their agent.
I'm leaning more toward the Tietz option myself.
Meaning what? Publish legit or give up?
No, self-publish. Make some noise, and hope they notice. Grant it, I probably won't have beautiful models in my promotional pictures.
Yeah, just twice now I have went through the editing and querying process and it sucks. Maybe I am just looking for a way out. It is such an ungodly evil process. I'll think it through I suppose.
@matthew--yay hunger games.
Also, yeah try editing an anthology with 30 writers and carrying all those hopes and dreams. If I don't publish legit, I will have failed them so I am working my ass off to make it happen but I have so many naysayers. You just have to be persistent.
Yeah, now that would be just horrible. I do not envy that at all.
Hunger games- seems ok, a little odd. Sort of like the Amish gone horribly wrong, and with jets. This Jewish hippy girl I was dating told me I should take a look, havn't finished yet however.
@Hall - Can I rip off the idea of a Amish gone horribly wrong? lol
If you price a Kindle book at less than $2.99, you only get 35% of the profits. If you price it at $2.99 or above, you get 70%. Perhaps the best way to do it is to have one book priced at 99 centsto in order to grab people's interest and to have your others priced higher.
You guys have to realize one thing: some of the writers are not there for the money, just to get their work out there to readers. Although piles of money from writing would be swell. :)
I am from Czech Republic, meaning there is farily small market (there is 10 mil of czech people - now how many read/how many read books - you get to number under one mil), so there is not a lot of space for new authors at publishing houses.
I went down the road of self publishing just to get the books out to people, fans, whatever. The number of books released wasn't stellar, but then, it was better than having it in my table locked away.
The way I see it, if you can't get a place with publishing houses for some reason and want to get your work out, by all means, go for it. Next time, with the stuff I am writing for my class here, I am thinking about releasing it on Kindle for few bucks.
But then, if you want to make money from it, there are probably better ways...
I am not too into money. I have a good job, so, whatevs, I would be more concerned with people enjoying my stories, if I made enough to write full time...bonus.
99.9% getting paid and getting read are the samething.
@Dwayne, that does make sense. I mean if you get a broader audience then you get paid more, I guess in this regard I would be more an idealist and money wouldn't matter as much as someone enjoying my stories. Ill ponder on it, but I might try it with one book.
What Alien said. Unless you're happy with a few hundred sales (if you're lucky).
But it all depends on what your goals are. If you want to teach, you need to sell your book to a recognizable press. If you want to just get it out, then self-publish. If you want to be widely read, then you need to get an agent and then have him sell to one of the big six.
I've experimented with self-publishing, one of my stories "Victimized" that I wanted out there as the full 7000 word story. It was published in Murky Depths as a 5000 word version. I've sold maybe 150 copies at .99 each.
OR there's Plan B: work on short stories, learn how to write, get better, publish widely, start to build up a following, keep learning and growing, and then start work on a novel (and submitting to an agent, then indie presses, then self-pub).
Best of luck. It's tough out there, but it's possible to break through, I've seen a lot of Culties and people here at Lit do just that.
One thing to remember is that the long term situation is unknown, which makes it impossible to give long term advice.
Self publishing isn't just write a book and throw it up on Amazon. If you want any sort of success, you'll need to spend your own money.
I have a three part series that I'm self publishing because, quite frankly, the slush pile is for donkeys. I'd rather self publish, sell for $2.99, and collect my 70% and find creative ways to market than jump through the testicle gargling tribulations of agents and publishers.
If my books are good and I market them well, they'll sell well enough for an agent or publisher to approach me for the rights...if they aren't good or I can't market them well, then they won't...that's it.
You as a writer should be writing to write, not to sell books. Every writer/author should take a minute to think about the process of querying. We let this happen to ourselves. The agents and publishers have the upper hand because you want them, which is lazy.
I've queried once, to thirteen agents, who never even asked for a sample chapter, because they have everyone under the sun querying. Well, if more people take the initiative to self publish, agents will be the first disenfranchised group, and I'm okay with that.
I'm firmly of the belief that if you can write a query letter, you have no business writing a novel. If you can summarize your argument in less than a page for a work of fiction, your work of fiction is worthless. So, if you are going to go the conventional route, hire a marketing writer or publicist to write your query letter and synopsis. You're too close to your work to write a query letter about it.
On another note:
If you self publish--hire a cover artist and editor (or two). Make your work worthy of being called published material. It needs to be edited by a professional, with a masters degree or five years of in field experience editing. You need to save your pennies and pay for this, or you will not see any results.
So far, between ISBNs, cover art, and editing, I've managed to keep my costs of publishing to around $1,000/book.
^good points, Mr. Noir.
Are you maknig that back?
I'll let you know if I make it back when it's live. Finishing touches...looking at a month or so out.
But, it doesn't really matter if I make it back or not. So long as the work I put out is the best it can be, that's what matters. That's the only way you have a chance to make any money. I wouldn't expect to make any money on something I didn't invest anything into. Self publishing should mean that you're doing all the work of a publisher and outsourcing the things you cant do yourself--black and white fact, you cannot edit your own work and expect anyone to read it. Beyond a hard line and copy edit, you need feedback from a dozen or more people before you bring your book to market, or risk looking like a total amateur, and then no one will ever read anything you write.
I look at it this way...is there any other product that you could produce for a one time fee of $1000 that literally has no finite ceiling?
Incredibly valuable resource is ELance.com. You can post any job you want and select applicants. I used that and got an editor that works with me like we've been childhood best friends. She's brilliant and understands me, my work, and my intentions.
thanks for the ELance.com link, hadn't heard of that. good luck with the book, post up here and we'll help you promote it, when it's live.
I did the query process on my last two novels, its not fun or easy. I probably sent out 200 or 300 (per book) got maybe 20-30 requests for first 3 chapters, and then maybe 10 request for the full MS. Good thought on the editing and cover art Noir. I think in the long run I might try it. Elance does sound interesting.
You sent your book to agents without having someone else edit it first?
I had two people edit, one my English professor from college, the other was a friend of a friend who did it for a living.
For the editing, not that this is directly related to Matt's comment, but I forgot to mention, it'd be incredibly useful to have an editor who has edited your genre before. I should have mentioned that in my original post.
Elance is really awesome. I suggest every writer at least explore it, even if you don't post.
I sent a sample chapter to twentyish editors and learned a lot, especially that if your style doesn't line up with your editor, you're fucked. They won't have their heart in it.
Which leads me to believe that this problem happens more often than we'd like to belive: if you go with an agent and a publisher who's willing to work with you, that doesn't mean the editor you're assigned will love your work. I'd rather pay to work with someone who want's your book to be all it can, than someone who's editing because they get paid to edit.
There were probably seven editors that I conversed with that simply didn't want to do my project, seven that wanted to, and seven who were unqualified.
There's nothing more satisfying than being able to choose from a pile of editors...I can understand why Agents love their job. That power is mesmorizing.
Yeah, one of the people editing mine last time, HATED my book, it was not a great thing to go through at all.
This is a great discussion and very timely. You all bring up some very good and enlightening points. Sorry in advance for the long post, but I am very interested in this topic. I have no idea what I am talking about, so feel free to skip it.
Although I personally haven't published anything as of yet (and have only submitted one story ever because I think it's important to learn to write before accosting the world with horseshit) I do pay close attention to trends in the publishing industry so that if (and hopefully 'when') I ever perfect my craft to take that next big step I will be aware of all of my options. It is clear they are being transformed in a revolutionary way and that no one really knows just how big self-publishing is going to be. But I think it is going to be a hell of a lot bigger than anyone thinks.
I like to use the do-it-yourself analogy that burgeoned in the home improvement industry over the last few decades. Even up until recently, the resources and industry 'secrets' were kept from consumers as a way to guard profits. Showing someone how to do something is often times the surest way for someone to put themselves out of a job. Residential electrical work is a good example. Keep people afraid of electricity to keep them from discovering just how easy it is to do their own wiring; in fact it is one of the easier projects, if informed, that a homeowner could ever tackle. Now that is not to say that everyone should do this. But for the ones who are willing to take the time to replicate the professionals, then, by all means, they should do so. But one has to be prepared to learn--which translates to more work than having someone else do it--which is precisely what the publishing industry does for authors--work.
It seems that the number one thing is to get the work ready before any publishing action is taken. This means, first and foremost, learning how to write. All too often self-publishing is pursued because the author has failed to produce a manuscript of quality in the first place for one reason or another and far too frequently it's due to outright laziness. Most have simply not put in the hours to learn how to write in the first place and blame it on an industry who doesn't understand them because they are so far ahead of everyone else--when actually the opposite is usually the case: They are so far behind.
And even if one has learned the craft, the work doesn't end with a completed manuscript that only the author has laid eyes on. A story, like a secret, hardly exists if only one person knows about it. I would go out on a limb and say that most great stories became great thanks to additional sets of eyes and brains... and imaginations. What if askers. Sure, it is the author who is the director but without a producer and gaffer and, and, and then the project is likely to suffer.
At the bare minimum, like Ryan Noir and Bradley Sands mentioned, one should find an editor and one with whom one has a great deal of chemistry with. Nothing sounds more counter-productive than hiring an editor who isn't passionate about the work; or even worse, dislikes it.
This seems like yet another area where patience and diligence are crucial. Taking the time to find the right fit could make all of the difference in producing a quality manuscript. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't editing really just another layer in the creative process?
But it doesn't end there. From what I have gathered from successful industry insiders, it usually takes at least a team of five to assemble a book--and then some. So it would seem to make sense to mimic this process as closely as possible in regard to the self-publishing endeavor. Be prepared to wear more hats. In other words self-publishing shouldn't mean skipping steps. If anything it should mean reinforcing each and every one, making sure all the bases are covered which translates to yet more do-it-yourself elbow grease.
But this is no longer limited to self-publishing, if it ever was. A friend of mine in Portland, Rhonda Hughes of Hawthorne Books, flat out asks authors what they are willing to do to help promote their book. Nowadays, more than ever, publishers want to know what an author brings to the table promotionally. They want a partnership, as Rhonda says "someone who is going to get down in the trenches next to her". They want to see 'followers'. Twitter lists, social networks; all of this is now in play self-publishing or not. Understanding this fact can help you get published. Knowing what is expected of you. Contrary to popular belief, these people do not want to deal with a difficult artist. That is a romanticized version of the truth. They want to work with authors who understand the industry and who are going to make their jobs easier, doable. Someone who is fun to work with.
That being said, I personally think that self-publishing has only just begun to show its potential. And I am not quite so sure if an author needs to be hyper-productive, as Brandon suggest, to have success self-publishing. Having a great product just might make up for that. A great manuscript and the ambition and desire to work ones tail off endlessly promoting it. And some luck. Always some luck. Word of mouth can work wonders, but only if there is something to talk about. The fledgling industry is probably just one pet rock away from a one-hit wonder. And there will be more after that initial one. It is already happening. Sure, most of it will be shit, but so is most of the work that sits in piles on editors desks or in their emails.
Self-publishing is a lot like being your own general contractor. It is a hell of a lot more work, but you will have more control and potentially reap more rewards in the end. But I think most writers would rather spend their time writing than toiling in the trenches. But either way, it sounds like one should be prepared for a good deal of work that doesn't take place in the great white.
Oh, and I think Brandon was talking about these guys:
I like your post. At the very least, it's a great leaping point. A good high level introductory.
One thing that sprang to mind while reading this, especially about the social media and 'followers', is who is your intended readership. Social media is still predominantly a young people's arena.
I've identified my primary market (for this upcoming three book series) as ages 13-24. I'm 24 and I know what my generation is capable of with regards to technology, we're the children of the internet. It makes a great deal of sense for me to e-publish as that's the funadmental way my market gets their media.
If you're marketing a genre book, especially sci-fi or horror, I think the e-market is for you.
I think if you're looking for the grocery store rack crowd, or airport dwellers, with commercial fiction publishing in the traditional fashion is going to be much more beneficial.
The markets that are resistant to e-books like high falutent literature, it probably still makes sense to fight for an agent.
I'm not going to comment on non-fiction. I have no idea if there's an e-market for it. I bought all my monographs as a history major so I could mark them up and flip back and forth to the index/notes. Plus they're all used on amazon for pennies.
There is really no "or" here, it's a false dichotomy. "The conventional route" is not an option as such, anymore than it's an option to choose between marrying somebody you're dating or marrying Gweneth Paltrow. You don't get to decide.
The idea that publishing your own work somehow rules out a contract at some later date is fallacious. If was ever true, it certainly isn't any more. Any time I speak at a writer's conference I hear agents talk about people they signed on the basis of success at publishing their own work.
If you're a writer, publish. It's the only way you can get read, just a singer can only be heard by singing. Nothing keeps you from pursuing agents and editors and all those other Manhattan jerks. (Little personal bias there) Even the quickest route to publication by contract will take you literally years before anybody sees your work for sale. You CAN choose to get it out there this year, or next month, or whatever.
It's anachronistic to think of auto-publishing as a last resort. It should almost certainly be your first move.
Not to sound preemptory, but read these posts.
This lays out the possibilities if you publish youself...and they are all good to some degree. http://linrobinson.com/bulletins/four-possibile-outcomes-of-publishing-your-own-work/
These are posts that will acquaint you with the basics of investigating publishication of your own work. A major point I'd stress. Just start accounts at SmashWords and Kindle and CreateSpace and Lulu and start fooling around. You can produce and order books, handle them, edit with them, show them to friends, withoug ever actually making them visible to the public. Hands on learning is one of the really incredible features of the new publishing paradigm. http://linrobinson.com/bulletins/self-publishing-posts/
And if you want to seek contracts from "legacy publishers", you will probably need an agent. Here's a basic primer to searching them out:http://linrobinson.com/bulletins/how-to-find-an-agent-when-she-doesnt-want-to-be-found/
@Ryan: Good point on the audience. I agree that the younger generation is increasingly keen electronically and marketing to them via that medium not only makes sense but is really the way information is now being exchanged. That goes back to the word-of-mouth concept. Sure it is now an electronic word-of-mouth--even better and faster than the old fashioned variety.
However, although I see your point that certain genres lend to this e-gorilla marketing or 'Parrothood' as Jennifer Egan calls it, I think that any genre can be successfully marketed to a target audience via the internet and the social media regardless of audience age. The fact of the matter is that everyone is getting up to speed with these new tools and they yield results across the board. But, for sure, the kids are all wired for it now. That is why it is the future.
@Linton: Thanks for the links. I agree, start playing around with the tools. Learn them. And I am not sure if your comment was at all in response to what I was saying about having the work ready before unleashing it, but if so I would only say that an artist releasing work that is not ready will soil that artists name fast. First impressions. If an author puts something out there with their name on it, that then represents them. If it is inferior, it becomes a blemish. Or?
I'm just talking about getting out there to be read, Chester.
The whole "when's it ready" is another issue... and nobody can really call it but the writer. And whether it's inferior is up to each reader.
The question, I guess, would be what happens while waiting for Godot instead of publishing? You can't really keep improving a novel for three years. Or twenty years.
Some of the best novels I have ever read took years to write. Also, much of the great literature out there is not necessarily from writers who churn out works. Actually, to the contrary, many are from authors with only a handful of titles in their oeuvres. And I am not saying that is the norm, just that some styles require more time to distill than others. And I suppose every writer is different in that regard.
As far as waiting for Godot, that might be true if someone is sitting on a novel or novels that they have done everything in their power to polish (including learning how to write) and have hit a wall at the publishing end. Then maybe the work sucks or possibly the author needs to invest more time in learning how to write.
Three years is nothing in my opinion. Twenty? Well, that is another story. Although I would rather write a good twenty year novel than 20 shitty one year novels any day. But that is just me.
It is like anything else. Shoddy work is shoddy work. I don't brook it.
i can tell you that three years is BRUTAL. i'm right in the middle of this exact situation. i mean, it took me two years to write, another to edit, and a year of shopping. so i guess it's four years, actually. the rejection does add up. when 100+ agents pass, it does stick with you, that doubt and anger and frustration. when every small press you send it to passes, you start to question yourself. but you can't give up. i know this book is good, really good, so i'll keep pushing. in these four years i've published a lot of short stories, won a few contests, sold two short story collections, and just about finished up my MFA. so, yeah, you have to keep moving.
the hardest thing is the idea of writing another novel when this one hasn't sold yet. it's crazy. even the IDEA of spending another year writing a novel when the last one is still somewhere between genius and failure makes my head spin.
but, i guess it depends on what you want to do, right? your goals. after a certain amount of time i can't look at a book or story any more. so i can't imagine spending 10 years on something.
i still think that if you're an unknown author that self-publishing will maybe net you a few hundred books in sales. i think you need to build up a platform before doing that. @ryannoir was talking about sinking $1000 inton a book and that's a good investment, it's not that much money, really. but if you have a press behind you, an army of people (editors, publicists, other authors) and they're willing to spend two to three times that, you probably have a better chance at succeeding.
but i've also know people that have self-published and done pretty good with it.
@Chester- there are some writers who can get stuff done quicker. I took me maybe 3 or 4 months to get my two previous book finished. BUT- it took nearly a year or more to go through editing process and polish them up which is horrible. Doubly so if you work with an editor who hates your fiction. I dont think you can put a time on it. If you can string a sentence together, you're ready to tell a story. Which is all you're doing in the end. If you fail, you fail, but you told your story. I wouldnt stress on it being perfect, just write, you can polish later.
@Linton Robinson great advice, great links, welcome to the site, you're going to be a big help!
@Ryan Noir- I think you bring up some great points.
@the enitre thread- after reading all this, I don't see an issue going both routes at the same time.
@Richard: I hear you loud and clear. I realize it can be brutal. Shit, writing, for me is torture most of the time. And doubt hurts more than just about anything as far as I am concerned. Potentially lethal.
I think some of my points are being misinterpreted though, or I am just not expressing myself clearly. I'm not saying that the long route to writing and publishing a work is the preferred route. I am just saying that sometimes it is the only route. You know Monica Drake, well Clown Girl took seven years. Again, not saying this is the 'fun' way to do it. But frequently it is the only way--and it works. Not only does it work, but I think many times it can serve to galvanize the author and thereby forge an even stronger writer. Sure it hurts. No pain, no gain. At least I have to keep telling myself that.
And Richard, I think I speak for a lot of us in the community when I say that you're an inspiration and a role model and you have our support. You are taking the exact steps that so many aspiring writers don't. Yet they expect to publish a book and have it shoot up the charts. Slap some sentences together and put a book out. Wrong.
On the other hand, @Matt.i.presume's statement that 'anyone who can string a sentence together is ready to tell a story' is perhaps more pertinent to the main point I am trying to make. I encourage everyone and anyone to tell stories. I think it is a crucial element in our evolution as humans and I have tried to instill that sentiment in my children and anyone else's who I can get my hands on. And I would also never discourage anyone from pursuing a passion or trying to expose their art. That doesn't mean it is going to be any good.
Not everyone who can string a sentence together has invested the time to learn how to do so in a way that will yield a great story. Sure, maybe they have a great story to tell, even an amazing one, but until they learn how to do so effectively they shouldn't expect people to value the quality of their writing. Publishing does not a good writer make. On the other hand I know a bundle of writers who write exceptionally well who might never become published. That is another discussion though.
The point is this: Not everyone who strings sentences together is ready to publish. Sure, they can. Just like I can go out and buy a guitar and start strumming on it. Does that mean I am ready to make a record? Maybe, maybe not. Sure, people do it all the time. There is a lot more bad art than good. A lot. I just wonder how many of those bad artists could become good ones if they'd only put in the hard work.
But if there is one thing we seem to agree on, it is to just keep on going, to keep on writing.
@chester - thanks for the kind words, means a lot.
we do a lot of this alone, in the dark. it's part of the reason i hang out at places like this, misery loves company, and i have an undying need to give and take. i think that's why i always have 5-10 stories out there being shopped, to some 50+ places. at least i can do SOMETHING. we control so little, or so it seems at times. when i get a story rejected i either send that place another story IMMEDIATELY or find a way to send out something else to another market. always be closing, yeah? and when i can contribute here, when i can help people who are just getting started, or really, can just chime in on subjects and problems and issues that we all deal with, as writers (and human beings) it's a contribution that i'm putting out there, doing something at least, not withering on the vine.
i will say that i am really impressed with the overall level of talent here at LR. same as i was at the Cult. so keep up the good work, people, keep pushing it. i've seen several authors from the Cult go from noob to emerging to agent and publication. it's very possible, whatever route you want to take.
Richard, I feel you. My book was the same way, I started it in '07, spent a year writing it, spent another 2 years editing it with as much outside help as I could get, and then another >year trying to sell it before turning to self publish. I've wanted to share my experiences on this thread but they are so deeply embarassing that I haven't found it in me to admit them.
I can't imagine that anyone would choose to go the self pub route. It's been a mistake. I thought I could just put it out there and ignore it and get working on my second novel. I know what I want to write about, I have all these detailed outlines but every time I go to try to write it I think "and here you go, bringing another life into the world when you left your firstborn outside, exposed to the elements, to die."
I can't even look at my first goddamn novel anymore since I did it, just trying to guerilla market it and I'm not guevara, I'm not Ho Chi Min, self publishing can work, I'm sure, but either way it is an unholy nightmare from which you cannot awake. Either you are an abject failure, or you are doing all the work of a much wealthier and better staffed publishing house by yourself, but if you are really lucky you can be both.
Isn't the main requirement of making self publishing work to put out a lot of different work?
@dwayne - yeah, i think that's part of it, lots of cheap book, so if people do like it, it goes viral fast
@nkwilczy - hey man, we've all been there. i think self-pub is more work for sure. if you're creative, have time, and money, can get out there and do some wild things, you can get some attention. Shya Scanlon self-published his novel Forecast across 42 blogs (it was called Forecast 42). it got him a lot of exposure, and Flatmancrooked picked it up and produced it in a print book. they went under, and then Shya sold it to another press, Mudluscious I think, and it'll be out again soon. i actually reviewed it at The Cult, and since he was going to reprint it, ended up using part of my review as a blurb on the book. cool, eh?
lots of ways to go at it.
Forecast is a great novel. I can't wait to see what happens with this next incarnation.
For what it's worth...I'm not a fan of the $0.99 - $2.99 price for a full length book. It shows desperation and a lack of confidence. When I was self-publishing I priced my books at $4.95 - $6.95 and sold 70,000 copies. For short stories....sure go $0.99 but if you say to the world your work is only worth $0.99 they'll have little respect for the work.
70k? jesus, i must be doing something wrong.
My experience echoes Michael's. I sell roughly at the same price point as well, though I will occasionally release a short story for $1.99.
Reading this interests me while simultaneously filling me with abject, pants-soiling terror. Which seems to be what I feel most days when I'm doing anything that isn't sitting down, writing, and forgetting that the world exists.
Someone remind me again why I ever thought this was a good idea?
No, really. This all speaks to the same stuff I posted in reply to the MFA article. It's amazing how much misinformation is out there and how hard it can be to really get down to the truth of anything. I feel like I spend most of my time these days either writing or wondering just how badly I've screwed myself by doing this much writing. In some ways, I was mislead by a lot of what I read and a lot of the people I knew and talked to, but mostly I think I was just desperate to believe that somehow I could find a way out into something better.
Day job? Fucking sucks. Last one was the worst decade of my life. Had no energy, no time to write, nothing but frustration and uphill battles I couldn't seem to win. But I had money. I knew that if I just kept my head down, did what I was told, and ate enough shit, I'd be rewarded for it. Now I feel like all I have to look forward to by pursuing the writing I love so much is the same collection of downsides but with very little hope of even the smallest reward. I know there's no way I'm proactive enough for self-publishing. I suck with logistics, decisions, money. But trying to go the other way seems equally impossible. Unless I turn out to be a genius, I don't know that I have the fortitude to do anything but work in a shitty office waiting for my life to end. And that's a horrifying realization to make about yourself.
@James S - How many words did/do you have out at one time?
i plan to do readings at strip clubs and hoochie myself up. I'll be like, well, you could buy a lap dance for $20 OR you could get this booked filled with all kinds of deranged things inside and actually have something to show for at the end of the night! and who knows? if they really liked it, they'd still get the crusty pants too!
it sounds like a plan.