Columns > Published on September 6th, 2013

TripLit: Who Am I? Love Letter Edition

Bust out your map app, it's time to go on a trip! This month's game: Who Am I?

Remember the awkward icebreaker you were forced to play at that corporate function? You know, the game where everyone puts a card with someone's name on their forehead, and you walk around asking people questions, trying to figure out who the hell you're supposed to be? (It's better with booze.) Well, that's what we're playing today. It's a little harder to play in the car, 'cause you can't walk around and the driver shouldn't be trying to look at anything but the road. So I've come up with a vehicle friendly version. All you need is someone who can read out loud.

Each item below is a love note written in a specific character's voice, someone famous (or infamous) in classic or modern fiction. Can you guess which well-known book character would have written each item? First one to get them all right gets a prize! A copy of Megan Abbott's Dare Me, recently released in trade paperback. Not really related, but it's a good book.

Disclaimer: Except for some paraphrasing and mini-quotes, none of the characters actually wrote these letters. Some of them can't love. Some of them can't even write. (Or can they? I'll never tell.) But these were damn hard to write. So if they suck, then, um, the characters actually did write them. Not me. Definitely not me.

  1. You hide with that old sport behind your green light, but I don't think you ever loved him. There's money in your voice, and now there's money in mine, and one day we'll drive away from these Eggs, beneath the eyes of God, and live my dream together.
  2. Napoleon is right that we are all equal, but you are more equal than others. Two legs bad; it's lucky you have four. We'll be together one day, when all the work is done. I will work harder to make sure we get there.
  3. You are my lion, and I am your lamb. You sparkle and I quake. Your cold skin keeps me warm. I would jump off a cliff, ride a motorcycle with a stranger, alienate myself entirely, if I ever lost you. 
  4. You are more beautiful than my own portrait. I will never grow old, never die, and once you meet my artist, you will do the same. The white purity of you reminds me of my rose-white boyhood. I must keep you young with me.
  5. Why, hello my love. You look delectable, and I can't wait to watch you rub the lotion on your skin. I could eat you up entirely. For our meeting I'm preparing fava beans and chianti. I just love having old friends for dinner.
  6. All happy women are alike, but each unhappy woman is unhappy in her own way. I think of my husband and feel nothing. I think of your horse and feel fear. Oh how I hope the train comes soon!
  7. On Monday I wrote you one letter. On Tuesday I wrote you two songs. On Wednesday I wrote you three limericks. On Thursday I wrote you four stories. On Friday I wrote you five poems. On Saturday I wrote you a book. Today is Sunday, and I write one nice love letter again. And now I feel much better. 
  8. How fares my love? I'll ask again, for nothing can be ill if thou art well. No poison may choke us, no sword split our love. What's in a name? If thy kinsman protest, the sun shall blot them out.
  9. Before you, I was empty inside, and unable to feel, but now even my Dark Passenger loves and keeps you far from my table. Hold my knives, file my slides, and help me keep the Code forever.
  10. Sir, you are no gentleman, but I've always loved you! More than hats, more than land, and certainly more than war. But if you dare leave, I swear I'll not go hungry. And I'll find you, for tomorrow is another day.

Post your answers as a list of character and book titles in the comments below. First one to get them all right wins the goody. Best of luck to all!

Think you can do better? Brownie points for anyone who offers a character love letter of their own! Just brownies, not prizes.

About the author

Tiffany is a young adult novelist represented by Annie Bomke Literary Agency, and operates TJ Writeography, a freelance editing and writing service. Tiffany lives in Atlanta with her husband, dog, and two (sometimes three) kids. When she's not glued to her Apple family or chasing things around the house, she likes to read, crochet, play piano, ingest vast quantities of Cadbury eggs, and marathon Buffy the Vampire Slayer reruns. Find her at and on Twitter at @Fictiffous.

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