Dialogue: The Number One Mistake Newbie Writers Make

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There are many online articles on how to write dialogue in fiction. Some cover the basics—for example, when you switch speakers, make sure you start a new paragraph—while others dig into the more advanced elements of dialogue, like conflict and subtext.

Which is all well and good. But there’s one issue I see over and over again in the dialogue of newbie writers, and I have yet to find a single bit of online advice that tackles it.

The number one issue I see in the scenes of writers new to the art of fiction is this: The dialogue reads like a play. Except in a play, you’d know who was speaking, because the character’s name would appear at the beginning of the line, and there might even be a bit of direction as well.

In the work of the newbie writer, the scene has no tags, and no information on tone or inflection; it also has no information on body language, and no information about where the scene is actually taking place. As a consequence, the scene seems to lift off into the ether, taking place in a vacuum, far removed from the “vivid and continuous dream” of actual fiction—a situation I think of as “the no-body problem.”

Avoid the no-body problem. Observe the following precepts.


1. Include Dialogue Tags

If only two people are talking, it’s often clear who’s speaking without the repetition of “he said, she said.” But even so, if the dialogue runs too long, your reader is likely to lose track of who’s talking—and if they do, boom, they’re no longer in the room with your characters, involved in what your characters are talking about. Instead, they’re in the room where they’re reading the book, wondering what the hell is going on in this story.

This situation is compounded when three or more characters are speaking. Many newer writers seem to think that who’s speaking is implied by what the person is saying, and that may even be true—but if the reader has to wait till the end of the line of dialogue to figure out who said it, based on what they said, the reader won’t be able to visualize the person (or hear) that character speaking the line as they’re actually reading it.

And that means, once again, boom—they’ve been jettisoned out of the scene, and into the land of WTH.

2. Include Emotional Inflection

We have bodies, and those bodies offer tons of clues as to what we’re feeling when we speak.

Your character just said, “Okay, fine.” Do they offer those words at face value (i.e., everything is fine), or are those words being spoken in anger, in resignation, in disgust—or? Many newer writers try to let us know by larding their dialogue with adverbs (“he said sheepishly”), but the stronger strategy is to let us know via tone and body language.

Because in real life, we have bodies, and those bodies offer tons of clues as to what we’re feeling when we speak. Moreover, understanding what other people are feeling when they speak is a super useful skill—in the course of human history, you can bet that lives have been saved or lost based on this sort of info, and fortunes as well. That’s why the human brain is super attuned to the intricacies of tone of voice and body language, and even pauses in the conversations, sighs, breaths, etc.

The upshot being, when you work this sort of information into your dialogue, your scenes will suddenly strike your reader as more realistic, not to mention interesting and involving. (Information on tone and body language can also act as a vehicle for subtext, offering clues about what the character may be feeling but not coming right out and saying.)

3. Include Information on Setting

There are some writers who never write dialogue without including “stage business”—that is, having their characters actually doing something as they speak. It’s a smart strategy. First, because (for example) in folding the laundry, making coffee, or trying to get their car started, the characters have a way to reveal what they’re feeling (see above, body language), and second because it keeps the reader anchored in where it is the scene is actually taking place.

Whether or not you adopt the stage-business strategy, your scenes will be stronger if you include information on the setting at regular intervals in your dialogue, whether it’s via a moment when a character looks off through the window at the snow outside or a brief aside in which they note that the dog has once again tracked his muddy paws through the hall. Without at least a bit of this sort of info, after a few pages of dialogue, it’s likely that your reader will have no idea where the characters are actually supposed to be.


The good news for those new to writing fiction: If you include all three of these elements in your dialogue, your scenes will automatically stand out among those of your fellow noobs.

Which means you can then move on to mastering the cool, advanced, tricky bits—like conflict and subtext. =)

Questions? Comments? Talk to me in the comments.

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Susan DeFreitas

Column by Susan DeFreitas

An author, editor, and educator, Susan DeFreitas’s creative work has appeared in the Writer’s Chronicle, Story Magazine, the Huffington Post, Daily Science Fiction, and Southwestern American Literature, along with many other journals and anthologies. She is the author of the novel Hot Season, which won a Gold IPPY Award for Best Fiction of the Mountain West, and holds an MFA from Pacific University. She divides her time between Santa Fe, New Mexico, and Portland, Oregon, and has served as a freelance editor and book coach since 2010.

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Comments

Natso's picture
Natso from Mongolia is reading Moby Dick February 28, 2019 - 5:18pm

Great post. I have a question: the punctuation and position of the question tags.

1. "[Dialogue]," she said.
2. She said, "[Dialogue]."
3. "[Dialogue1]," she said, "[Dialogue2]."

Which one is less accepted? I've seen all three in variations, but was told one of them was super outdated and can't remember which.

Susan DeFreitas's picture
Susan DeFreitas from Portland, OR is reading Your Heart Is a Muscle the Size of Your Fist by Sunil Yapa March 26, 2019 - 9:58am

All three are totally acceptable. Number two is considered outdated, but really, whatever! Here's the only one that I have a problem with: 

"[Dialogue..........................................................................

.........................................................................................

........................................................................................

........................," [NAME] said. 

Because the way this is structured, we have to listen to someone say all of this before we have any idea who is speaking. Breaks the fictive dream, because we're wondering the whole time.

sensiblecauliflower's picture
sensiblecauliflower June 21, 2023 - 8:31pm

The most prevalent problem I observe in the scenes of authors who are new to the craft of fiction is this: It reads like a play, the dialogue. But in a play, you could tell who was speaking since the name of the character would be at the start of the line, and there would even be some directional cues. baseball 9

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RECOVERY BITCOIN IS POSSIBLE
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W I Z A R D L A R R Y, whose contact information is provided below.
Additionally, it has the ability to remotely spy on an iPhone's complete contents. read emails, SMS messages, all social media posts, images and videos, transcribed phone calls, and even GPS tracking
( wizard larry (@) mail (DOT) com).
WhatsApp +1 (205) 319–6886
The address of the website is https://wizardlarry.wixsite.com/wizardlarry

sali99's picture
sali99 August 16, 2023 - 10:25am
LOST YOUR CRYPTO TO SCAMMERS? READ THIS

Be careful of crypto platforms promising huge returns. They are luring people into fake programs. There is no shame in speaking out, most of us have been there too. We just have to be more careful. I was scammed of 29,450 USD in the middle of last year. I realized it was all scam after i made the third payment. A person from Bitcoin Abuse Forum recommended RecoveryChef and he was very helpful especially in recovering my lost funds, you can contact him via email on recoverychef@techie.com. He could help you track them and hopefully recover your lost funds.

sali99's picture
sali99 August 16, 2023 - 5:40pm

IS BITCOIN RECOVERY POSSIBLE?
Be careful of crypto platforms promising huge returns. They are luring people into fake programs. There is no shame in speaking out, most of us have been there too. We just have to be more careful. I was scammed of 29,450 USD in the middle of last year. I realized it was all scam after i made the third payment. A person from Bitcoin Abuse Forum recommended RecoveryChef and he was very helpful especially in recovering my lost funds, you can contact him via email on recoverychef@techie.com. He could help you track them and hopefully recover your lost funds.AC

Brandy Deyton's picture
Brandy Deyton August 22, 2023 - 11:28pm

ETHICAL HACKER FOR HIRE/ WIZARD LARRY
Have you ever experienced cryptocurrency theft? Have scammers or hackers taken your hard-earned Bitcoins? Don't be worried!
W I Z A R D L A R R Y is an expert cryptocurrency recovery agent who can help you get your stolen Bitcoin back and reclaim what is rightfully yours. Make contact with him right away and thank me later.
wizardlarry (AT) mail DOT com.
WhatsApp +1 (205) /319-/6886/
Website : https://wizardlarry.wixsite.com/wizardlarry

Brandy Deyton's picture
Brandy Deyton August 22, 2023 - 11:28pm

ETHICAL HACKER FOR HIRE/ WIZARD LARRY
Have you ever experienced cryptocurrency theft? Have scammers or hackers taken your hard-earned Bitcoins? Don't be worried!
W I Z A R D L A R R Y is an expert cryptocurrency recovery agent who can help you get your stolen Bitcoin back and reclaim what is rightfully yours. Make contact with him right away and thank me later.
wizardlarry (AT) mail DOT com.
WhatsApp +1 (205) /319-/6886/
Website : https://wizardlarry.wixsite.com/wizardlarry

hazeljoe404's picture
hazeljoe404 August 24, 2023 - 7:51am

Hi Guys I'm so excited to share this testimony on how I got my ex husband back after a divorce with the help of Dr. Breakthrough: Breakthroughlovespell@gmail.com

I was Looking for a way to Stop My Divorce and Save My Marriage, so I requested the service of Dr. Breakthrough last week. Well, happily I can say today I am living a happy married life and also my marriage life is restored. Dr. Breakthrough Saved My Marriage. My husband is now loving me like crazy and I’m loving it! We are now trying to get some little ones to our family to show our never ending love for each other. Dr. Breakthrough has done wonders in my life. You performed a very good service for a person in true need. Thank you Dr. Breakthrough for saving my broken Marriage and bringing my husband back to me!".. My family and I are living together happily again. If you are searching for a way to restore your relationship, I will advise you to contact him now.

Breakthroughlovespell@gmail.com  Or WhatsApp: +2349037171626

WinnieHuffel's picture
WinnieHuffel August 26, 2023 - 12:45pm

HOW TO RECOVER STOLEN CRYPTOCURRENCY FROM SCAMMERS.

Greetings,
I am Winnie Huffel, a Poland born living in Boston, USA. Losing one's Digital Assets or Cryptocurrency to Scammers tends to be complicated and Frustrating too. I happened to fall victim After being swindled off $230,000 of Crypto by a fraudulent Company's website that had guaranteed me to double my Investment in a week. When I finally came to realize I had lost my funds, I immediately took action as this was all my savings, that's when I  came across CAPTAIN WEBGENESIS, a legitimate Crypto Expert specializing in Cryptocurrency and Assets Recovery. I immediately contacted the Expert through
email (Captainwebgenesis@hackermail.com). Even though the Expert was only able to retrieve 80% of my Crypto,  I’m nevertheless happy because I didn’t think it would be possible.
Web Add https://captainwebgenesis.com/
  WhatsApp Contact +1 (447) 442-0456.

WinnieHuffel's picture
WinnieHuffel August 26, 2023 - 12:45pm

HOW TO RECOVER STOLEN CRYPTOCURRENCY FROM SCAMMERS.

Greetings,
I am Winnie Huffel, a Poland born living in Boston, USA. Losing one's Digital Assets or Cryptocurrency to Scammers tends to be complicated and Frustrating too. I happened to fall victim After being swindled off $230,000 of Crypto by a fraudulent Company's website that had guaranteed me to double my Investment in a week. When I finally came to realize I had lost my funds, I immediately took action as this was all my savings, that's when I  came across CAPTAIN WEBGENESIS, a legitimate Crypto Expert specializing in Cryptocurrency and Assets Recovery. I immediately contacted the Expert through
email (Captainwebgenesis@hackermail.com). Even though the Expert was only able to retrieve 80% of my Crypto,  I’m nevertheless happy because I didn’t think it would be possible.
Web Add https://captainwebgenesis.com/
  WhatsApp Contact +1 (447) 442-0456.

Tunes Danny's picture
Tunes Danny August 27, 2023 - 4:30pm

RECOVERY OF STOLEN BTC/CRYPTOCURRENCIES, BINARY, FOREX, AND RECOVERY OF LOST FUNDS FROM SCAMMER
I had given up on trying to get my money back after losing a significant amount on a shady online investment. I chose to test out the services of a platform that helps to recover lost funds out of desperation. To my absolute surprise, they were able to recover my missing funds within a few weeks, despite my first skepticism. The team was efficient and professional, and they kept me informed at every stage. I wholeheartedly urge anyone who has lost money through dishonest ways to use this platform.
Please feel free to get in touch with WIZARD LARRY if you need help or if you wish to retrieve lost money.
Wizardlarry@mail (.) com 
WhatsApp him at +1) 205 319 6886.
https://wizardlarry.wixsitecom/wizardlarry

Cooper2harry's picture
Cooper2harry August 30, 2023 - 5:01am

ARE YOU A VICTIM OF CRYPTO SCAM? HERE IS HOW TO  RECOVER STOLEN CRYPTOCURRENCY.

With the rise of Cryptocurrency scams all over, top Investors' futures tend to be killed as most of them loses all their Retirement and savings Assets funds. I once fell victim to an online broker who I invested with all my savings funds worth $197,000. He claimed to be a broker who helped Investors make huge killing profits in the field of Cryptocurrency.  The profits were growing really fast. On deciding to make my withdrawal I received multiple excuses each containing demands for more money.  I quickly sought  an online advice from a friend who advised me of CAPTAIN WEBGENESIS, a secure Crypto recovery Expert who helped Crypto Scam victims recover their lost funds. I quickly reached the Expert through Mail Add Captainwebgenesis@hackermail.com). CAPTAIN WEBGENESIS was able to recover 95% of my lost investment, I will truly be grateful to the Expert for saving me from frustrations.
  WhatsAp ;+1 (447) 442-0456.
  Web Add https://captainwebgenesis.com/

Don't forget to mention that Harry Cooper recommended you.

Cooper2harry's picture
Cooper2harry August 30, 2023 - 5:01am

ARE YOU A VICTIM OF CRYPTO SCAM? HERE IS HOW TO  RECOVER STOLEN CRYPTOCURRENCY.

With the rise of Cryptocurrency scams all over, top Investors' futures tend to be killed as most of them loses all their Retirement and savings Assets funds. I once fell victim to an online broker who I invested with all my savings funds worth $197,000. He claimed to be a broker who helped Investors make huge killing profits in the field of Cryptocurrency.  The profits were growing really fast. On deciding to make my withdrawal I received multiple excuses each containing demands for more money.  I quickly sought  an online advice from a friend who advised me of CAPTAIN WEBGENESIS, a secure Crypto recovery Expert who helped Crypto Scam victims recover their lost funds. I quickly reached the Expert through Mail Add Captainwebgenesis@hackermail.com). CAPTAIN WEBGENESIS was able to recover 95% of my lost investment, I will truly be grateful to the Expert for saving me from frustrations.
  WhatsAp ;+1 (447) 442-0456.
  Web Add https://captainwebgenesis.com/

Don't forget to mention that Harry Cooper recommended you.

Zandile Koika's picture
Zandile Koika September 1, 2023 - 9:11am

I highly recommend Santoshi Hacker I got a referral to use Santoshi Hacker to get my BTC wallet login credentials, and I didn't take it serious because I have fallen victim in the hands of several scammers as regards this subject, no until I saw some renowned testimonials of some of my mentors in the crypto field and I decided to oblige. I am grateful to myself for trusting my instincts on this one, because Santoshi Hacker delivered even at a point where not even other hackers could deliver, I recommend this reliable Professional hacker Santoshi, trust them in this area of recovery, get back your lost funds, Bitcoin BTC ,Eth Ethereum, USDT Tether USDT, USD Coin USDC,PATIENTS and get your lost money to fake online investments, be sure to recover your lost with Santoshi .Website: https://santoshihacker3.wixsite.com/santoshihacker
YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@Santoshihacker
mailto:  santoshihacker@hotmail.com

Tomchenko's picture
Tomchenko September 1, 2023 - 2:08pm

ARE YOU A VICTIM OF INVESTMENT OR NFT SCAM? DO YOU WANT TO INVESTIGATE A CHEATING SPOUSE? DO YOU DESIRE CREDIT REPAIR (ALL BUREAUS)?

CYBERTRACE is a financial regulator, private investigation and funds recovery body. We specialize in cases as regards ETHICAL HACKING, CRYPTOCURRENCY, FAKE INVESTMENT SCHEMES and RECOVERY SCAM. We are also experts in CREDIT REPAIR, we analyze what’s impacting your score.
All software tools needed to execute RECOVERIES from start to finish are available in stock.
Kindly NOTE that the available tools does NOT apply to CREDIT FIX.

Be ALERT to FALSE reviews and testimonies on the internet, the authors and perpetrators unite to form a syndicate.

Contact our team as soon as you can via the email address below to book a mail meeting with an CYBERTRACE.
(cybertraceservice@hotmail.com)

Tomchenko's picture
Tomchenko September 1, 2023 - 2:11pm

ARE YOU A VICTIM OF INVESTMENT OR NFT SCAM? DO YOU WANT TO INVESTIGATE A CHEATING SPOUSE? DO YOU DESIRE CREDIT REPAIR (ALL BUREAUS)?

CYBERTRACE is a financial regulator, private investigation and funds recovery body. We specialize in cases as regards ETHICAL HACKING, CRYPTOCURRENCY, FAKE INVESTMENT SCHEMES and RECOVERY SCAM. We are also experts in CREDIT REPAIR, we analyze what’s impacting your score.
All software tools needed to execute RECOVERIES from start to finish are available in stock.
Kindly NOTE that the available tools does NOT apply to CREDIT FIX.

Be ALERT to FALSE reviews and testimonies on the internet, the authors and perpetrators unite to form a syndicate.

Contact our team as soon as you can via the email address below to book a mail meeting with an CYBERTRACE.
(cybertraceservice@hotmail.com)