Columns > Published on April 25th, 2016

10 Reasons Why Books Are Always Better Than Boys

1. Neglect Isn’t a Thing

Let’s face it- relationships are work, and boys especially need lots of care and tending, so it’s not always possible to step away for a few days or weeks and not lose momentum. I mean, who wants their boy toy to feel neglected? But with a book, there’s no worry about abandonment! You can put a book down in March and pick it back up in May and it will have been patiently waiting for you to return, with nary a sarcastic comment or cold shoulder. When you need time and space to just be, books are always better than boys.

2. Books Last Longer

We might be treading tender territory here, but let’s face it. If you’re looking for something that lasts in the *ahem* bedroom, the book is always your best bet. Just saying.

If you’re looking for something that lasts in the *ahem* bedroom, the book is always your best bet. Just saying.

3. No Messy Breakup Scenarios

We’ve all been there. You’ve been dating for a while but for whatever reason, you come to the conclusion that this is just not the boy for you. So it becomes clear that there is bound to be an awkward breakup scene. The funny thing is, this happens with books too, but the nicest part of breaking up with a book is that there’s zero drama. If you’re on page 50 and you’re just not feeling it, you can simply return that baby to the library with zero regret. No muss, no fuss. And no hurt feelings.

4. All the Sharing Possibilities

So, here it is. Your best friend has the most amazing boyfriend. He’s insanely good looking and sweet as can be. He brings her flowers. It’s like Jessie’s Girl for women over here. He’s everything, and quite frankly you want this boy for yourself. Well, guess what? You can’t have him. But, if that boy were a book, you totally could. One more reason why having books beats having boys any day.

5. Cheating Isn’t Frowned Upon

With boys, it is generally an accepted practice that you can only have one at a time. Sorry girls, but it’s true. Thankfully, that just isn’t the case with books. If you’re reading that mystery and feel a hankering for a thriller, nobody is going to blink an eye as you impulsively cheat on one book with another. In fact, it’s really quite common to be enjoying the spoils of multiple books at the same time. Take that, boys.

6. Books Smell Better

Books have that lovely fresh ink on paper scent that is always so alluring, no matter if it’s the dead of winter or the heat of summer. Even after years and years on the shelf, that musty old-timey scent is enough to drive a girl wild. A boy left untouched in such a state for years and years does not have that benefit. If you’ve ever smelled a boy’s locker room after the big game you’ll agree that books trump boys in the smell department.

7. The Dates Are So Much Better

Sure, that boy can take you to a reservation-only five-star restaurant where you’ll dine by candlelight over lobsters and brie, but can he take you to Paris on any given Tuesday night? Or Hogwarts?! Seriously, when it comes to exotic date locales and fancy excursions, book dates are so much better than boy dates.

8. You Always Look Fabulous

If you’ve ever asked a boy if your butt looks big in those jeans and received an awkward mumbling or vacant stare in response, then you’ve felt the pain of thinking you look less than wonderful. There’s a certain amount of pressure to look good for the boys in your life, and women go to great lengths to do so, but with a book, you always look just right. You say you haven’t brushed your hair in three days and have been living in your yoga pants? Great! Your book thinks you look fabulous, just the way you are.

9. You Can Skip to the Good Parts

With boys, there’s bound to be some bad that goes along with all that good, and unfortunately a girl can’t just ignore all of that on the way to pure bliss. With a book, there’s no need to slog through those ten pages of exposition or relive that awful character death. It is perfectly acceptable to skip ahead to the parts that make you smile.

10. Books Are Cheap Dates

Let’s face it, dating is expensive, and taking your boy out for a night on the town doesn’t come cheap. A book, however, costs from nothing at the library to $25 if you want to get serious about a hardback. With those low costs, you can even have more than one, which, like we said, is generally frowned upon with boys.

With that being said, in all seriousness, boys are pretty okay. I mean, no book is going to hold your hand or cuddle with you on the couch, and when it comes to scintillating conversation, boys win every time. Plus, if you’ve done it right, that boy in your life will always buy you books!

About the author

Riki has a long-standing love affair with all things books and writing. She indulged her love for all things literary with a degree in English Literature from Arizona State University and is currently studying at the Virginia G. Piper Center for Creative Writing. Although she is well past her own teen years, Riki’s reading passion lies with Young Adult literature where she devours books that handle the “firsts” in life. When not reading and writing she can be found yelling at the television while watching sports.

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