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The Demon Chef
How It Rates
Description
Enigmatic aliens violently recruit Gen Shishio to an older family vocation.
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Comments
nice work. you can tighten up your prose a bit by elimating words like "so" and "very," and catching unnecessary repeitition of words in a given sentence. However, you've got a nice character here and I enjoyed the world building. thumbs up.
You're welcome to check out my story if you get a chance :) It's called Gizmo
Thank you for the read. I see there is a lot on the site to keep people's interest. I am happy you took the time. I will likely rewrite your suggestions in when I can get a moment from my submissions schedule. I need to submit four before the month is out.
Thanks again. I will check out your tale when my schedule frees me for more than time to eat...
Great characters, and cleanly written. Really excellent. I now really want a Walker in my city! I can see how this could easily be part of a bigger story but while it is on it's own I think you can leave out the "Part 1" and it's introduction sub :)
Nicely done!
- LVK
Thank you for taking the time to read. I know time is your most precious resource. This story is part of a series of stories on my website called Hub City Blues. I will edit it for the inclusion in this event as soon as I get a free moment.
Thanks again. I will check out your piece when my schedule clears up in a day or two.
Some good ideas and I liked the concept of Hub City and Walker. I wasn't overly enamoured with the plot (once the actual plot gets going it's not actually science fiction, is it, but supernatural fantasy). Also there's a lot of inconsistency of tense and repeated "almost", "very", "so" and the like. I found the preliminary ("Part the first:" etc.) to be annoyingly pretentious and completely redundant. Quite a lot of the early narrative is infodump, and while the info is quite interesting (as I said, I like the Hub City concept) it's not relevant to the plot.
Thanks for the read and the review, Rob Pearce. As far as infodumping is concerned, I recognize it can't be helped when you are making a setting that has never been seen, and is difficult to imagine. All is not as it appears in Hub City.
As far as what appears to be magic, Clarke, second and third laws apply.
2. The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.
3. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
As far as the "annoyingly pretentious and completely redundant" part is concerned, that was not the intent. I will make edits when my time permits.
Fair enough, but on the Clarke rejoinder I would reference Orson Scott Card on rejection by Analog, the essence of which was "I was offended! It WAS science fiction! And then I re-read it. They were right - only I, as author, could hope to tell it wasn't magic."
A few things distracted me from an otherwise decent story. First, you switch between present and past tense several times. It's got to be one or the other. Second, I don't think it qualifies as Sci-fi, even if it takes place far in the future. Also, I couldn't help but wonder if that was your art at the top of the story. If it is, I'm impressed. It not, you better give credit where credit is due and name the artist.
Overall, the story needs a few more edit cycles, but is definitely a good read.
Nice Work!
Some great ideas here, and I'd be interested in reading further about Hub City. Once I finish reading the contest entries, I may well find my way over to your website to read more. I'm not sure this worked as a short story though. It's interesting, but there is little tension because we know in the first paragraph that he is going to die. There is also a lot of background and set up in a short space of time, which is understandable given you clearly have put a lot of time into developing this world, but is harder going in a short piece. I enjoyed the food angle, and the Eastern influence. There is a strong sense of place, which is great.
If you haven't already read it, you might like Bad Signal which is another contest entry with a similarly large universe with Eastern influences. It's on page 2 of the contest (not my story sadly).
Thank you all for you reads and suggestions, I have been busy burning the midnight oil at my day job so I have not had a chance to get back here and respond. All of your suggestions have been heard and perhaps this was NOT the best story for this particular event. All in all, I appreciate everyone's time and energy and will look at editing this work in the future.
Yes, I have tense issues. I am an autistic and sometimes all time is the same to me. I have to consciously make an effort to remember how time needs to appear in print. My other challenges include:
Your critiques remind me I need to focus on these issues harder (and maybe hire a patient editor) who help me past these problems.
Thanks again. I will show up for a few more of your piece in the coming week. I have a couple of days off.