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Martin Gillespie's picture

Confessions of a Radical

By Martin Gillespie in Teleport Us

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Description

In the late 22nd century, as a drastic response to population decline and acting upon the scientific work of a young geneticist, the government are able to isolate and alter the homosexual gene in prenatal care. Fast-forward several years, amidst war said geneticist, known publicly as Dr. Zeitgeist narrates an unravelling confession following his work on top-secret cybernetic organism, Project Apollo. Fuelled by isolation, paranoia and secrets, Dr. Zeitgeist reaches an uncomfortable precipice with his role as poster boy for the war on radical homosexuality.

Comments

Juice Ica's picture
Juice Ica from Rhode Island is reading The Twelve by Justin Cronin & Beautiful Creatures March 1, 2013 - 10:59am

I'll admit, it took me a bit to settle into the rhythm of his story. Your language is stirring and flows really well but I just had a hard time settling into it, but let me tell you, by the end...you totally had me and I wanted to go back and start it over again (and probably will). This is a well crafted piece, there are a few spelling errors that are easily fixed with a quick edit and its nothing major to the story. Everything is there contest-wise and I am so glad I had a chance to read this. Beautiful. Just beautiful. Well done.

CKevin's picture
CKevin from Charleston, SC is reading Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch March 7, 2013 - 10:23am

Martin,

Your tale is an interesting and timely take on a subject that's one of the big conversations of modern times. While things certainly seem to be heading in the opposite direction it's plausible that the rise of certain factions could lead to such dire consequences. 

The writing is strongest during your exposition but I do wonder if such philosophical ruminations would have a place in a surreptitious message to like-minded radicals. Like Juice Ica, I took me a while to get into the story and I think cutting out much of the preliminary non-dialog would go a long way to moving things along.

I also feel that the actual confession could be a part of the story instead of being the whole point. Perhaps we could follow S as the cybernectic being is created and then the message could be the result of his revelations. This way including all of the dialog would make more sense.

On the clerical side, there are 79 instances of the work "that" which is quite distracting and you need to check your there/their and your/you're usage. Otherwise it's a good start to what could be a captivating entry.

C.

 

 

 

 

 

Adam Jenkins's picture
Adam Jenkins from Bracknell, England is reading RCX Magazine (Issue 1 coming soon) March 27, 2013 - 6:29am

This is an interesting piece. Like the other commenters I did struggle a little with this at first. The choice to go with this after-the-fact narration is an interesting one, and Dr S does have a good voice, but it doesn't immediately grab the attention. You have a nice style and a good flow, but I don't think the story itself does this justice. It's not that there is anything wrong with the confession, but it takes away some dramatic element. Is he at risk? No, because he's reporting events not going through them. His change in views could be smoother as well. He was fine providing the government with a way to change the homosexual gene, but not to them hunting down homosexuals. What is it about working on and with Apollo leads to this change? It may be just that I'm misunderstanding something, but it doesn't feel logical to me.

Martin Gillespie's picture
Martin Gillespie from Glasgow, Scotland is reading House of Leaves March 31, 2013 - 8:08am

First, thanks for not only taking the time to read but to give me feedback, I really appreciate it. I always like to try different things with narration and I get that that can be awkward sometimes. I was trying to find the balance between what was necessary to be said and what we seem contrived for this character to actually put in a letter. I've not tried much in the way of science-fiction before so my comfort level with the subject was maybe not where it should be. I think that made me put more emphasis on tone than on plot/relationship details. If I'm being honest I also think that I maybe tried to fit too much into one short story. You seem to have a lot of the same critiques that I have of myself. Thanks again for taking the time to comment.

ArlaneEnalra's picture
ArlaneEnalra from Texas is reading Right now I'm editing . . .. March 30, 2013 - 4:47pm

Writing in the form in of a letter worked well for this story. I know the subject is entirely different, but the opening reminded me a bit of Lovecraft. (Otherworldly horrors aside )

Excellent work!