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IrishMak's picture

A Hundred More

By IrishMak in Teleport Us

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Description

It’s 100 years in the future. The environment has collapsed, leaving vast areas of jungle covering the Earth. Humans are living in underground areas to escape the extreme heat and radiation. A group of scientists is working on manipulating the human genome to incorporate the resistance that has evolved in many species of lizards. Sam is the first of his kind: a giant chameleon with human genetic material. He’s not exactly what the experiments were supposed to create, but he’s the only thing they have. Genetically modified corn is growing in the wasted environment, but it is being attacked by locust-like insects. When Sam is given the chance to help control the insects, he faces a choice. Will Sam help find the solution to the food crisis facing the human race? 

Comments

Adam Jenkins's picture
Adam Jenkins from Bracknell, England is reading RCX Magazine (Issue 1 coming soon) February 14, 2013 - 10:04am

Nice contained little story.  It’s well written, and the characterisation of Sam is very good considering he is mute.  The humans are fairly archetypal but not lacking in flesh.  There is little urgency or peril, but that doesn’t hurt the story at all.  You do a good job in describing the surroundings while keeping it relatively simple and easy to follow.  I liked it.

IrishMak's picture
IrishMak from NH February 14, 2013 - 12:05pm

Thank you!

dufrescm's picture
dufrescm from Wisconsin is reading Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep February 15, 2013 - 12:33pm

I enjoyed this.  It had a good amount of dramatic tension. At the end, I kept waiting for bad things to happen, but I liked the way it ended :)

IrishMak's picture
IrishMak from NH February 16, 2013 - 2:59pm

Glad you liked it. It was a bit out of my comfort zone, but a stretch now and then is good.

klahol's picture
klahol from Stockholm, Sweden is reading Black Moon February 17, 2013 - 5:04am

Very well constructed and written. I might have wanted the dystopia to be a bit more dystopic, but other than that, solid thumbs up!

IrishMak's picture
IrishMak from NH February 18, 2013 - 7:06am

Thank you!

Shane Berryhill's picture
Shane Berryhill February 19, 2013 - 10:36am

I like this, but it's a little clunky in the execution. Sear the words of White and Strunk's THE ELEMENTS OF STYLE into your heart, especially the line, "Omit needless words."

Keep writing!
-Shane Berryhill
In a society where owning books makes you an outlaw, literature is kept alive by "burners," those who wage war for books by reciting their pages in rap-style battles called "burns." BURN by Shane Berryhill features "Reader" on the night of the biggest burn in his life. Reader must face off against "Shakespeare" for the title of "Librarian" while the Tolstoys, the Austens, the Wells, the Vernes, and all the other burner gangs look on. BURN is a tribute to the work of Ray Bradbury and a love letter to the written word.
Read, rate, and review BURN here: http://litreactor.com/events/teleport-us/burn
 

ArlaneEnalra's picture
ArlaneEnalra from Texas is reading Right now I'm editing . . .. February 20, 2013 - 6:27pm

That one had me laughing!  There's just something about concealed/unexpected power in a story that puts me in a good mood.  It's weird, but I can't help finding myself wanting to laugh anytime I see it.  

Overall, the story read through pretty cleanly.   The only thing that bothered me was the formatting; I had to increase the font size to be comfortable reading.  More than likely that's me need to get my eye's checked again and not something wrong with the story.

Great Work!

Juice Ica's picture
Juice Ica from Rhode Island is reading The Twelve by Justin Cronin & Beautiful Creatures February 26, 2013 - 1:44pm

Oh I liked this story! It was sweet and the dystopia was dystopic but not so overwhelmingly depressing that you want to kill yourself at the end. Seriously, this clever little story just made my day. I have no real critique of it,its well written, the dialogue is beautiful and the story is fun, clever and well written. One thing would be the formatting, some open space between paragraphs might make this slightly easier on the eyes.

Big thumbs up! Good job!!!

IrishMak's picture
IrishMak from NH February 27, 2013 - 3:47pm

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

IrishMak's picture
IrishMak from NH February 28, 2013 - 9:40am

New version up today. Nothing major- just some minor edits, and formatting tweaks. No real change to the story.

Cipherscribe's picture
Cipherscribe from Michigan, but all my exes live in Texas. is reading Dragonlance: Dragons of Autumn Twilight February 28, 2013 - 10:51am

I liked this story. Great ending. Left me smiling. I would suggest cleaning up some of the action where it's interspersed with dialogue. In just a couple spots, I got confused as to who was talking or doing what. Maybe that's just me, but I felt I had to offer some kind of critique. Good story!

IrishMak's picture
IrishMak from NH February 28, 2013 - 11:52am

Thank you. It gets hard to keep straight who's doing/saying what sometimes. I will look it over with that in mind.