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Cait Spivey's picture

Throwing Stones

By Cait Spivey in Scare Us

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Description

A small town school is harrassed by a pack of very strange children. 

Comments

Naomi Mesbur's picture
Naomi Mesbur from Toronto, Ontario, Canada is reading Burn Baby Burn Baby by Kevin T. Craig July 3, 2012 - 9:00pm

i like your succubus-type creatures (for lack of a better term)! Very Celtic in nature, and the perfect horror creature for your setting. Unfortunately, you didn't tell us a lot about your hometown, so i didn't get a very clear sense of where in the Uk/Eire this took place. One other thing-you may want to read Stephen Graham Jones's essay on this site, "As I Lay Mostly Dying", to help you tighten up some of your story.

Jane Wiseman's picture
Jane Wiseman from Danville Virginia--now living outside of Albuquerque/in Minneapolis is reading Kindred, by Octavia Butler July 5, 2012 - 11:16am

I really liked your premise here. I was a bit confused about exactly what was happening, though. I'm wondering whether you might let us in on a bit more a bit earlier in the story. It was a real shock when the seemingly helpful teacher transforms. Anyhow, I really liked the story's ending. Mine ends in a similar way, and it's not easy to figure out just how much/how little to tell with an ending like that.

bryanhowie's picture
bryanhowie from FW, ID is reading East of Eden. Steinbeck is FUCKING AMAZING. July 7, 2012 - 11:58am

Overall, a fun read.  It has a little too much telling in it for my tastes, but the showing you do is great.  The LbL I did is pretty sparse because I felt pretty grounded in the story and liked what I was reading.  It needs some more showing and, possibly, a little dialogue from the children while they wait to be eaten.

The opening line hides parts of the story from the reader that aren't necessary to hide.  The fact that “they” are children and that it's a dog's body being taken away can both go into that sentence and make the story instantly more gripping.  The essay by Stephen Graham Jones “Ten Obvious Truths about Fiction” gives some information on not hiding things that are central to the plot.