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Colton Adrian's picture

wet

By Colton Adrian in Scare Us

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Description

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Comments

Jane Wiseman's picture
Jane Wiseman from living outside of Albuquerque/in Minneapolis is reading Look to Windward by Iain M. Banks July 15, 2012 - 8:42pm

Haha, the plot is so convoluted I had a hard time following it, I'm not sure the monster here really satisfies the rules of the contest ( but what a satisfying couple of monsters these are), and there are about a gazillion grammatical and/or proofreading errors, but I love the voice in this story so much that I had to give it a thumbs up anyhow. Please work on this story! It is a lot of fun.

Colton Adrian's picture
Colton Adrian from Williamsburg, VA is reading a book about souls July 16, 2012 - 3:29pm

thanks your advice means a lot!

AliKati's picture
AliKati July 20, 2012 - 11:10am

I gave it a thumbs up because I thought the details of the setting of the story was unusual, and something about the historical tone was different for a horror story. But the plot was hard to follow, with too many characters, time jumps and so forth. 

Colton Adrian's picture
Colton Adrian from Williamsburg, VA is reading a book about souls July 21, 2012 - 12:14pm

some revisions made as of current, thanks for your input!

lspieller's picture
lspieller from Los Angeles July 23, 2012 - 10:23am

there's the potential for a lot of emotion in this story, even though your narrator says its not a "sad" story (it's horror, but that doesn't mean it can't also be a drama), but you're rushing through it. The reveal that Keith is an incestous pedophile isn't given much time -- build up to it, make us wonder what his secret is, then lay it on us. 

You can feel the anger in the narrator's voice.I love the repetition of "this isn't a sad story." It's like he's denying the truth of his own words, trying to force it to be simple. It makes it even more important that you contradict those words w/ some emotional weight.

Colton Adrian's picture
Colton Adrian from Williamsburg, VA is reading a book about souls July 25, 2012 - 7:16pm

I appreciate it!