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Passport to Fun (formerly Krawkatow Baendeen)
How It Rates
Description
A young substitute teacher wants desperately to quit living at his parent's house, but something supernatural seems to be keeping him trapped there. How far will he go to escape?
[edit: so I like this story. After some revisions, I hope to submit it for publication and want to make sure that if I am lucky enough to get interest in it, not even the workshop version of it is available for free anywhere. I've replaced it with an activity I made for my work that you can feel free to use without permission. Lots of love, Wil]
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Comments
This is really good. There's some very good writing here. I'll confess I found the ending a bit fuzzy, but by that same token, it's still rattling around in my head. That's always a sign of good a story. Great pacing. And using the "Most every minute. Of most every day." device gave the story a sort of ominous presence on at least two levels. I really enjoyed reading that. Well done.
Thanks for the helpful comments, Ian! I played around with it a bit and I think the ending is much more satisfying now!
What a devastating final line... Really strong.
Thanks, Ian!
This is a wonderful story. I love how the beginning thrusts the reader right into the action. The characters are very interesting and convincing. And what Ian said about the " most every minute" device.
Thanks Jane! It's good to know the characters are both interesting and convincing. One of my 'themes' when I attempt horror is 'behold the monster, oh hey, it's me,' which I worry can result in repelling the reader with an unsympathetic hero. So, it's very helpful to know that you found the characters in my piece realistic and worthy of watching!