To read this story or to participate in this writing event, you only need a free account.
You can
To find out what this event is about click here
Attack of the Pawn Beast
How It Rates
Description
A young girl faces a life of working at the pawn shop, when she gets mad, really mad. That's when chaos and carnage ensues. Revealing a beast of mythical proportions...The Pawn Beast.
Who will win in this battle of light and dark, good vs. evil, Ms. Cleo vs Snoop Dog? Read to find out!
- Login to post comments
Comments
The good: definitely an original monster, and I actually like your style. Whimsical isn't the word I'm looking for, but it's close.
The bad: the whole thing feels like a caricature of a parody. The characters feel one-dimensional and cartoonish, as does the dialogue and many of the descriptions (and over-descriptions). The first-person narration provides no explanation for her actions and I couldn't find a plot to speak of. Finally, the pop culture references were a bit overdone (which fits into the parody theme).
Sorry I didn't like it. I'd be interested to see other things from you because I do think you have a unique style.
I feel like there is a middle and an end to this story but know true beginning. I want to know what drives your main charachter. I was more afraid of her than the monster. I'm not sure if that is what you intended. I did like alot of your descriptions. I actually know a few people who still use the same slang. She did feel real to me. Just being "pissed off" doesn't seem like a reason for a mass murderer. Unless maybe the monster get's payback in the end.
I did like the stuff about the playstation and the weed. i used hide things in batery compartments all the time lol. Good stuff.
.
Well, let me be the first to say it. I adored this. Cartoony? Sure. It was fantastic. I loved every moment, even the references I'm too old and uncool to get.