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THE ADVENTURES OF YET ANOTHER ALICE IN YET ANOTHER WONDERLAND
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Description
The story of an English Professor who, much like Alice, goes on the 'trip' of his life.
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Comments
Suitably surreal. Whether you get anything out of that will depend on the kind of reader you are.
Thank You so much for reading. And yes, I always make sure the reader scratches his/her head to understand anything. :P
Interesting story. I had a difficult time following at first. The whole thing seems to hinge on the ending, which makes the story feel rushed and often times disjointed. Parts even felt more like stream-of-conscious than actual narrative. There also really isn't much of a crime element here. Or at least it seems more or less forced. Maybe this type of literary experimentation is better suited for a less specific forum. Aside from a few technical issues the writing itself was pretty decent. Overall a pretty good story. Thanks for sharing!
Hi,
I read your story and first I would like to say that you clearly master the technique of writing. Bearing this in mind I do believe you could make this story much more appealing and addictive for your reader. From the beginning you announce something "mad" is going to happen, taking away the element of surprise that would bring the first climax to your story. Also you tell the story in a very matter of fact way. Your main character sounds more like a journalist reporting on an event than anything else. This is easily fixed. Let him show us instead of telling us. Let us feel what he feels, his emotions, his fears, his sensations...
All in all I believe you can do a lot with this story. I like the idea of a professor going on a killing spree and taking his mad angle to offer the events to us. It just lacks those few elements that make someone want to read on and on and on because of the factual tone that takes away most of the emotions.
Hey,
First of all, I thank you a lot for taking time out and reading the story. Much appreciated. Secondly, while I completely believe that meaning production of a text lies with the reader(s) than the author themselves, I would still like to make a tiny clarification. The absence of emotionality in the story is deliberate on my part. I have kept a distance between the writer and the narrator. The logical and factual nature of the narrative is a symptom of the narrator protagonist's psychosis. He is incapable of emotions, so much so that even his apparent maddening experiences are nothing but random, albeit logicised happenings. Hence the intervening staticity.
Of course, as far as explanations go, it is how I saw, thought and wrote it. It completely depends on your reading experiences how you see it or interpret it. Thank you so much again for reading it. Hope to read some of your stuff whenever possible.
There is no story I have read so far that I honestly wished it were longer.
Yours was the perfect writing for me to enjoy. I wish you wrote all the way up to the 5, 000.
Amazing ideas and crazy and morbid stories. Loved it.
Well, that means a lot. Thank you so much. I have other similar stories too, if you are interested. Considering, you and I share certain similar ideas, I would also like to read some of your stuff too, if and when possible. Cheerio!
Well my stories aren't as twisted as crazy as yours. lol. but I'm just adding my story in right now for the contest. it's a serious story lol.
Well my stories aren't as twisted as crazy as yours. lol. but I'm just adding my story in right now for the contest. it's a serious story lol.
Like it. There's a couple of errors ('the police is here', for example) but I assumed they were intentional due to the rushed nature of the writing, as explained at the end. The opening felt a little exposition-heavy, but again the ending justifies the means. I enjoyed the other literary references dotted throughout the text as well, a nice nod to the narrators profession.
That was certainly different from the other stories I've read in this contest, and not in a bad way. I feel it could have used a bit more detail, but still enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing.
This is an interesting story, and one I think worked quite well to a point. While it’s slow to start and get its hooks in, the realisation of where you are taking this necessitates a re-evaluation part way through. By the time Absalom makes his exit (love that part – “In my defence, Absalom killed himself.”) it is obvious where this is going and what the twist is, but that fact just allows the reader to sit back and enjoy the tale. The central premise is a corker.
The reason I say it works to a point, is there are a few stylistic issues with how you took this. I agree with Geert that this lack of emotion takes some of the dynamism away from the story. I saw your clarification, and that makes sense, but it still has the effect of telling the story to the reader, rather than showing. For me, the cause of this is that he is writing after the fact. Writing the story as he is experiencing it would make it less passive. Of course writing it as it is happening does mean you can’t shorten it as you do, selecting only a couple of incidents to hone in on.
You could get away with bookending the story as it is, but writing the incident with Mr White, Absalom and the Hatter (nicely creepy by the way) as if we’re there with him. That would allow you to keep the literary side of the tale, without having it all be quite dry and emotionless. Saying dry and emotionless isn’t a dig by the way. It works for most of the story, it just doesn’t quite work for the more action driven episodes.
Part of me would have liked the ending to be slightly more ambiguous. Stating that the police are outside and going to blow the door puts us to firmly in reality. I see in your comment to Geert that you believe that meaning lies with the reader. Personally I think that’s only true where there is some level of ambiguity. If he was trapped in the castle with the guards trying to break in, that gives us something we can then interpret the way we wish. Either we believe he is in Wonderland, or we know it is only in his head. Having the police coming for him not only takes that interpretation away, but it also shows that the protagonist is fully aware of what is real, and therefore what he has done.
This has been one of the hardest stories to comment on. I may not always agree with the choices you’ve made, but I do at least understand why you took them. This is clever, witty writing, and while I don’t think it is as captivating as it could be, it is still an enjoyable read. It gets a thumbs up from me, but overall I think you can turn this into something even better.
I really liked this story. It was like something out of a whacked out dream; really cool. I did think that the killing itself seemed awkward, I'd like to hear more about the thoughts "Alice" is having during this time. Maybe a little more internal conflict about accepting reality being only what you think you're experiencing. Everything happens fast and, although it's supposed to be surreal the killings don't seem to be developed as well as the rest of the story. I'd almost like to see this one written without the pressure of "crime" at all. I think it makes for a great philosophical piece. Thanks for the read.