Loved the story and the writing. Personally, I was not so sure about the ending. There's no logical reason why a machine would be able to produce tears, even if it could evolve to feel sadness, so it felt a little sacharine. I think you could keep the tone drier, and hint at this. 

I was also a bit thrown at the start when the android explains to the reader who he is: "My silicone skin is warm like human skin, heated by wires housed within my titanium frame," etc. I felt you could resist this 'urge to explain' a little more, take out the robot addressing the reader directly. There's a line later on, "and place my silicone lips on hers," which does the job. Nothing else needed. The reader will get it. If they don't understand fully until half way through, no problem. 

Overall, great story and strong writing. 

Ok, wow!  That is definitely a wow!  This is another one with a great deal of emotion wrapped up in it and you've done an amazing job of conveying that to the reader.  I didn't spot anything that tripped me at all.

Excellent work!

You've already gotten so much amazing feedback, so I'll just say...

I see why you have so many people voting for your story. It’s so beautiful. Wonderful job. I really liked the slow reveal of Hiro’s letter. It was poetic and kept my interest.

I’m left wondering if this is a service that is provided to everyone human or did she do something special for the treatment. I would have liked to of known what Tekkujin  looked like. Wouldn’t it be wonderful is he was chosen because he resembles Hiro. Any question left floating in my head is a good sign because it means I really felt/internalized what you wrote. 

A few things were itty-bitty roadblocks for me. The phrase box-like apartment took me out of the story. I get what you are trying to say, but everything was so lyrical up to that point and then there’s such a utilitarian word.  She wails and I step back, noting the sound of human alarm. This was another one that made me wonder. As it’s written, it seems like Tekkujin just stood there while Michiko screamed in agony. I’m sure that’s not the case, but it doesn’t seem like an immediate enough response to the situation. The last thing is the phrase, Not long for this world. It doesn’t seem like it would come from Tekkujin. To me, it sounds like a 1950s term. But that might just be me. I only point these out because I want to add something to your growth. Honestly, it was pretty darn great.

Overall, your story was wonderful and touching. It made my eyes tear up, which is pretty amazing for this tough broad. Congrats on such a great story. ~Sam  

Nicely done!  I read this while at work and ended up having to close my office door so my co-workers wouldn't see me crying.  ;-}  And on the note of tears, what a lovely blend of science and emotion regarding their content - very moving. 

A sweet and touching story. It brougt tears to my eyes. Thanks G.

A lovely story! Simple and poignant. I really like the setting. It's a classic idea of utopia-- pristine, caring and uniform with little comforts of home (like the teapot and letters). Yet, there's been this pandemic and war that indicate that life outside isn't so kind. You spell it out pretty clearly throughout the story. A great read!

I will say that I don't care much for the twist at the end. I think it would be great if Tekkujin was not an android. I just can't believe that a pure machine would be able to produce tears, even if he's somehow overcome his programming. The physical mechanisms just aren't there. I think the ending would be just as satisfying if he went to his charging station continuing to try and process the concepts of love and longing.

HI G,

I'm totally amazed by this story! It's..... incandescent. You captured the sadness and darkness and aloneness of death so well. And the characters are so defined. Good job, robot princess!!

Beautiful!  Experiencing the story through the robot's detached narration made it so much more moving.  I really loved it.  Thumbs up from me!

-Isobel

Thank you for sharing this with me, I love it!  Will there be a continuation....

I really enjoy your writing G!

Beautitul, thought provoking piece. Reminds me of Japanese haiku poems - simple and serene yet precise and powerful. It stirs emotions and reminds of the precious and fragile gift of life and being human. Hope lots of people read this piece and wake up to love in its larger sense.

Enjoyed reading it.  The setting distracted me enough to really engage with the experience of dementia and the experience of caretaking.  Something I avoid thinking about, but I'm better off for it.  Would be a good addition to an anthology.

Oh, GG, this was just beautiful and heartbreaking. I've lost a grandparent to dementia, another grandparent to inoperable brain tumours, and my partner's Gran is currently in the early stages of Alzheimer's, so this really struck a chord with me. I honestly can't heap enough praise on this piece. For the second time tonight, I'm going to say that I'm surprised this isn't already published, I'm that impressed with it. Only one line jarred me a bit, and that was the end where we see the robot crying and feeling emotion -- I got the impression it wasn't capable of this so I did get a bit confused. That nitpick aside, I loved your story.

If you get some spare time, would you mind reading my story? http://litreactor.com/events/teleport-us/gravidism

Thanks,

Jess

Hi,

I finally got to read this before it was too late--not to echo the theme of death, of course.

I'm not a Si-Fi fan particularly, but agree with others that it transcends that genre. I love the softness of the non-human creature and the idea of a robot caring for we humans in our last days. Very well done.

--Susanna

This story is beautiful. It's painted in hues of pale gold, it sounds like old letter paper, it tastes of autumn morning air. Reading it, I watch it unfold in my head and want it to be a film, or better yet, an animation drawn with a Japanese calligraphy brush. I want it to be perfect. Which is why writing the next bit makes me feel like a horrible person.

The last paragraph stops the piece from achieving the perfection it's so close to. Throughout the whole story, you're so subtle, you paint in strokes that suggest rather than shout. You can do it so well, so you really don't need to hammer the point home with the tears on the robot's face. I want to go with the reviewer who suggested that the last paragraph was intended ambiguously, and the tears could've been Michiko's. Based on the fact that they were under the robot's eyes, I have some trouble wholeheartedly believing the ambiguity. I think that if Tekkujin simply found the wetness on his fingers, that would do the trick much better. We see the robot with tears on his fingers, and, despite knowing that it can't actually cry, we feel like it might've, we want it to have been able to. Make the reader rend their hearts wishing that the robot could've cried, rather than wrack their brains wondering whether its technology allowed for that.

(I will now go and nurse myself back to relative sanity with coffee. Writing that was Difficult.)

A gentle piece, simple and effective, though short. Quality work.

I think it would be even stronger, with a careful regard to the things that the helper repeats. So, it is not necessary for it to declare itself not human, as the fact it also declares it can't feel emotion, along with reminders as it goes along on its construction is enough. I'd remove therefore the two references to human - it doesn't need drumming in!

The GCP (Great cultural purge) is not a major element of the story, yet it is repeated a number of times. I suggest refer to it only once, directly, and either using it indirectly later on "searching databanks for information that survived the purge" say, or just "searching databanks".

I think because the helper has been dwelling on Hiro's words, that it would have searched for their meaning earlier. So is there something that can allow it to find this information on kisses and longing obliquely? Just in time to use it?

A carer would wait until the tea is cooler before giving it, and having it do so shows the care and attention it takes - infinitely patient, always there.

I'd heartily suggest you send this into Liars League "Man And Machine" theme, deadline early April, as it's well within the 2000 word limit they use.

http://liarsleague.typepad.com/liars_league/forthcoming-events-themes.html

Thumbs up!

I have no critique.  The story drew me in immediately, made me sad, made me cry... Just beautiful. 

It make me feel sad. i like it.