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Dedicated to my Asperger brother.
I see what you attempted to do was a playful story in the form of a letter to the past. There are alot of typos and other mistakes that make this hard to read. I felt the humor/playful voice was engaging but the story overall wasnt. I think it needs some reworking, and the tech was unconvincing. I get that its not meant to be a convincing technology but this goes against the prompt. Also the changing of POV from 1st to 3rd was awkward.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and give the helpful feedback. :) I will keep it in mind for future writing.
It read like a one sided argument to me, not sure if this qualifies as an actual story tho it read more like a lecture.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and thanks for the helpful feedback. :)
I liked the concept and its even better with your first hand experience but the story needs some work, the wording and perspective are confusing at times. The sense of humor and spirit are great though!
Thank you for your kind words and feedback. I was trying a different style but it failed. Well better to fail than never try anything. :) As for the wording and I would really appreciate it if you could give me one example. English is my third language so I am always looking for ways to improve it. Once again thank you for taking the time to read and review.
This was an interesting piece, but ultimately lacking in story arc. There is little in the way of conflict to latch on to. Considering English is your third language though, I'm impressed with your writing. I found it easy to follow, though lacking a little in fluency that is only to be expected. I did like the idea of the interpreter. I've had a limited experience of people with Aspergers, and it is very easy to misconstrue meaning. Perhaps consider taking this concept and placing it in a conflict situation.
Thank you so much for taking your time to read and comment and thanks for the kind words. I must admit I did it on purpose having minimal conflict in the story. It's my first time writing utopia (I like to write about distopia more) and for some reason I felt an utopia could not exist if there were any conflicts. I was also trying to see if you could make a story without the usal conflict. It's hard but I believe it's duable. I failed though. However the conflict has happened before the story takes place and the story is really about the how to make this world become reality or should be about... In reality this story is only a prologue to a bigger story but I didn't have time to write it now. This idea or story is still developing.
Thanks to all the comments I have gotten I have a good idea how to rewrite my story. Thank you all once again for taking your time to comment and review. :)
I'm terrible sorry I haven't been able to read or review any story in the competion but "life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans," got in my way.
I'm trying to decide if the interpreter's world is a utopia or a form of hell and I can't quite come to an answer. On the one hand, I can see how training people to focus on others could produce a very peaceful society. On the other, I can't see it working with actual flesh and blood humans.
A minor note:Referring to the interpreters client as his affliction is a little off putting. I can see the interpreter thinking that way but the usage should either be changed or explained as an aspect of the machine's world view.
I'm impressed that this English is a third language and you were able to write as well as you have. There are a few technical issues in the story, things that I'm certain more exposure to English or a native speaking editor could help you with. As to improving, read as much in English as you possibly can. The more you read "correct" English, the more it will influence your writing! ;)
Good work and Keep at it!
First off, thank you so much for taking your time to read and giving me such a good and helpful review!
I have been waiting for someone to comment on the fact that the Asperger's interpreter calls his client by his affliction. At first it felt weird to me and I thought to myself that I would only use it in the draft, then I realized that this is similar to the way how society labels people who are different in any way. So I kept it. However in this case it is done in a constructive way but I agree with you that it should be clearer in the story that this how the machine views the world. Thank you so much for pointing that out. :)
It thinks there is really little difference between what it a utopia and a dystopia. It depends on each and every person though course there also some things we can agree on it would make a better world. Or at least I think so...
You are right that this could never work with flesh and blood. That's why I have machines monitoring them. ;) Which puts this idea on the thin line between utopia and dystopia. We want to take care of things on our own.
As for the English. I apologize beforehand for all the mistakes. I read a lot in English but have recently started to write more. I will do my best to improve. :)
Thank you once again so much for the review and sorry for the late reply.
Don't worry about mistakes too much, that's what editing is for! :) The more you keep at it, the better you'll get ;)
Thanks! And good luck to you too! :D