To read this story or to participate in this writing event, you only need a free account.
You can Login with Facebook or create regular account
To find out what this event is about click here

TigersMS's picture

Sometimes in a box

By TigersMS in Scare Us

How It Rates

Once you have read this story, please make sure you rate it by clicking the thumbs above. Then take a few minutes to give the author a helpful critique! We're all here for fun but let's try to help each other too.

Description

Doesn't matter where you grew up everybody had a scary house in their neighbourhood. What if it was your house?

Comments

Jane Wiseman's picture
Jane Wiseman from living outside of Albuquerque/in Minneapolis is reading Look to Windward by Iain M. Banks July 31, 2012 - 9:27am

What a wonderful story! I love the point of view, and I love the incantatory quality of the protagonist's thoughts. I found this story completely believable. A person like the protagonist would think like this, act like this. Great job. Great writing.

TigersMS's picture
TigersMS from Australia is reading House of Leaves August 1, 2012 - 4:09pm

Thanks heaps! Didn't really end up how I wanted it but its all a learning process.

DaJoHi's picture
DaJoHi from MA is reading Wool (1-5) August 3, 2012 - 11:37am

That was a great story. I found the image of the voices coming from the Uncle's room haunting. I had much sympathy for the boy, narrator, despite what I think he was and what he and the girl do to the Uncle in the end.  

The structure was almost like a poem. Very cool. 

TigersMS's picture
TigersMS from Australia is reading House of Leaves August 4, 2012 - 12:39am

Thanks a lot for your comment and for reading it!

shabai44's picture
shabai44 from Spring Hope, NC is reading na August 5, 2012 - 2:52pm

Nice and simple; short and sweet. Very engaging and entertaining. Great voice.

TigersMS's picture
TigersMS from Australia is reading House of Leaves August 5, 2012 - 5:30pm

Thanks heaps for the comment. Glad you enjoyed it.

Jonathan Riley's picture
Jonathan Riley from Memphis, Tennessee is reading Flashover by Gordon Highland August 7, 2012 - 9:37pm

I read and write alot of poetry and i agree with Daj that it felt like a long poem. That said. I loved it. There were some words missing but i think it was intentional. It worked for your narrator. Great suspense. Great pace. Great narrative. Just Great!
--Jonathan--

TigersMS's picture
TigersMS from Australia is reading House of Leaves August 7, 2012 - 10:28pm

Thank you so much for reading it and for the nice comments. Wasn't intentionally poem like but it just seemed to fit, the way I'd imagined the narrator would try to think not knowing what happened to him apart from what he has seen, been told and heard.

sean of the dead's picture
sean of the dead from Madisonville, KY is reading Peckerwood, by Jed Ayres August 11, 2012 - 5:18pm

This kind of reminded me of a story that was too long to fit into Tim Burton's "The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy."  That's a compliment.

I liked this a lot.  It moved along smoothly and quickly, giving just enough detail to know something was very wrong, but not enough to give it all away.  It is one of the more original of the stories I've read in this challenge so far.

Very well done.

TigersMS's picture
TigersMS from Australia is reading House of Leaves August 11, 2012 - 6:49pm

Thank you for the very nice comments. 

Sancho LeStache's picture
Sancho LeStache from El Paso is reading Hunger August 12, 2012 - 3:37pm

This was such a great story. It definitely did read like a poem, which sets it apart from the vast majority of horror stories out there. Not because it looks like a poem, there are other stories that do that, but because the format fits the way that the protagonist thinks in such a way that it wouldn't make sense if it wasn't written that way. Very unique and enthralling.

TigersMS's picture
TigersMS from Australia is reading House of Leaves August 12, 2012 - 5:40pm

Thanks so much for your comment and above all - for reading it!

Ethan Cooper's picture
Ethan Cooper from Longview, TX is reading The Kill Room, Heart-Shaped Box, Dr. Sleep August 16, 2012 - 10:57am

**Spoiler warning**

Well done, my friend! I really enjoyed this story!

You've got a rhythm that runs throughout the text that just keeps driving the reader onward through the story. A very easy read that goes down smoothly. So poetic. The repetition really serves to portray the young, simple-minded nature of your protagonist.

I'm one of those readers that just follows where a writer takes me, so you had me all the way. Your setup of the uncle as the true "monster" is great, and easy to believe because everybody else in the town believes it. And he is bad, of course, but your twist ending turns this on its head in a VERY satisfying way: The bad guy gets what's coming to him at the hands of his own "monsters." I love that!

Thank you so much for sharing this. It was tons-o-fun for this reader!

TigersMS's picture
TigersMS from Australia is reading House of Leaves August 16, 2012 - 4:31pm

Thanks for reading it! Also for your kind comments. Thanks!