Nick,

I like this story. The narator is good and the character of Devil Dan is great. Not sure if you're stuck on Landfill for the title, it's a good one, but Devil Dan as a title would be a real eyecathcer. Just a suggestion. Alot of times I have reservations putting characters names in titles but sometimes I find it works out pretty well.

I like the setup. How the aspiring writer goes to AA meetings to get ideas for stories. That's great. Maybe I missed it. Was he writing a story about Dan when he decided to check up on him all those years later? It's nice that he thought about him and checked on him but I'm not sure what the motivation was to check on and care about an essential stranger unless he was writing a story "based on" him. It isn't mentioned. Perhaps it's metafictive? Like the story we're reading is the story he's writing about the crazy old drunk he met?

Or was he just drawn to Dan the way Dan was to the Landfill. I'm not sure if there is actually something supernatural at play here or not. I don't typically mind ambiguity and you use it to nice affect for the most part, but the ending really seemed abrupt. Nothing was really tied up or perhaps it went over my head. Your narator wasn't the crazy one was he? Did the demons get out again? Will they possess your narator? Perhaps you wanted to leave the audience with these questions and let them decide for themselves. IF that's the case then good job. Thinking about it will provide a lasting effect. However, I felt a little unsatisfied because I was so anxious to find out rather Dan was crazy or possesed and I never got my answer.

Overall though, Great Job. This was a real page turner with great characters and strong writing. The setting was well constructed and the plotting/pacing worked for the most part until I just got lost in the ending. Thumbs up from me.

--JR--

I loved the story, the vivid descriptions of the (psychosis / posession?) were as clear and disturbing as the screams in Devil Dan's head. the crudeness and anger in the narrator coupled with his compulsive fixations on things made him very real, even though he might not be the kind of person you want to be around. i wanted more into the break of the narrator at the climax, i wanted to hear the screams. very well written.

Nick,

Clever work.  Nothing to pick apart, other than as a reader I want more from the ending, but as a guy who likes to leave things open, I completely understand why you did it.  I really liked how the conversations with Dan kept getting cut short in ways that didn't feel forced.  It allowed the reader to chew on the information at hand while they transition to the next piece.

I liked this one. You have a good setup, and a couple of decent characters, especially Devil Dan. It flows well, the writing is good, and the dialogue feels pretty natural. I do think there are a few ways you can improve it, but obviously this is just my opinion, so feel free to use or ignore as you see fit.

As much as I like the angle of Alex building a character from Dan, having everything told in dialogue makes this a little passive. I’m not usually a big fan of jumping perspectives, but I think you could make good use of it here. Tell us Dan’s story from his POV, rather than have him tell it to Alex. You would get a couple of sections that way with an unreliable narrator, and then have Alex providing a more cynical view.

There is a bit of a logic jump in the mental institution section, though you’ve clearly recognised that and tried to cover it off. When Alex and Dan meet for the first time in ten years (some of which for Dan has been spent in an institution presumably on some powerful meds), Dan recognises him immediately, and almost his first words are, “I’ll get you caught up on things”. You then have Dan saying this is because Alex is the only person he has ever told about the demons. This is a bit of a leap. Dan just accepts his appearance, spills the beans, then decides abruptly that he doesn’t want to see Alex ever again, even though he’s just referred to him as ‘my friend’.

The ending is quite abrupt too. I like the ambiguity in the story; it’s one of the strongest elements for me. I honestly don’t think you need the end section with the doctor. If the doctor is aware of Dan’s ‘writer friend’, why even agree to meet Alex in the first place. The radioactive material angle adds nothing to the story. I’d consider stripping out that section, and rejigging that pay off slightly. Ending it on a scream is perfect, but just hint towards it being the same scream as Dan heard. The voice talking about the ash goes too way to supporting the supernatural option. I’d rather have complete ambiguity; did he hear the same scream as Dan, or is it simply the scream of a madman in an institution. Leave Alex shaken completely, and add just a little foreshadowing of his own descent into madness.

This is certainly a thumbs up for me, but I do hope you take another run at it.

Good story. I think it would have been interesting to focus a little more on the murder of Dan's wife and his voices, but under their current circumstances he probably wouldn't go into a lot of detail about it and you lose the opportunity because of first person perspective. Overall nice job.