drea's picture
drea from Rural Alberta, Canada is reading between the lines November 7, 2012 - 8:28pm

I really hope that the organizers are going to compile a top ten top ten list. 

wickedvoodoo's picture
wickedvoodoo from Mansfield, England is reading stuff. November 8, 2012 - 3:11am

Naturally.

Alas, only the three on the medal podium get the prizes though. I'll have a chat with Bill and see who he's got in mind for the prize places soon. He'll probably pick two and I have my nomination for the third.

bryanhowie's picture
bryanhowie from FW, ID is reading East of Eden. Steinbeck is FUCKING AMAZING. November 8, 2012 - 7:04am

I don't want to win all three.  Give some other people a chance.

Pretty Spry for a Dead Guy's picture
Pretty Spry for... from I'd prefer it if you didn't know. So would you, only you don't know it. is reading whatever he makes time for this week November 9, 2012 - 3:58pm

Top Ten J.K. Rowling Rip-offs

Airy Potthead and the Stoned Philosopher
(featuring the chapter "The Boy Who Chivved (or however you spell it)!"
Airy Potthead is a drug-doing/producing wizard. He's nicknamed "Scarface" because he was cut as an infant by the meanest, most killingest drug dealer who ever lived when he was found stealing (and partaking of) the dealer's product. Airy was later found wounded with a sharpened toothbrush in his hand. Only a scarlet smear was left of his foe.
Airy became an overnight celebrity. A hit, however, was placed on his parents by associates of the drugmonger. Following their deaths, Airy was sent to live with his aunt and uncle. They're good, nice people, but their daughter is a vicious cunt who torments Airy at every turn. But when Airy smokes a small weed patch from his uncle's garden using a self-made bong, he is discovered by Cockwarts Academy of Fix, Draft, and Apothecary, the most exclusive and prestigious cutting-edge recreational drug manufactering primary school in the world.
While at Cockwarts, Airy meets Randall Weasel. Randall is an unnaturally tall ginger who lives with his divorced mother, his many brothers, his slutty younger sister, and his stupid youngest sister. Randall becames Airy's best friend and sidekick. Whereas Airy, whose favorite class is Defense Against the Darn Narcs, excells at Potions, Randall is largely inept, preferring to get high and write crazy stories about his exploits as a Cockboy. Randall also drinks a lot, as all writers do.
Hannah Ganja is a damn sexy chemical engineering specialist. She is meek and bookish. But damn sexy. She becomes a love interest for Randall and does other things, too, I guess, but she never really gets credit for them.

Airy Potthead and the Secret Chamber

Airy Potthead and the Escaped Mental Patient Who Believes He is a Dog

Airy Potthead and the Keg of Firewhiskey

Airy Potthead and the Odor of the Ashes

Airy Potthead and the Half-Brewed Pint

Airy Potthead and the Deadly Hollowpoints

Fantastic Breasts and Where to Find Them

The Tale of Beadle the Barbituate

Harry Potter in "Voldecat's Revenge"
Dumbledore didn't realize that the Potters owned a cat, and that Voldemort's soul was actually split into eight pieces.
Adult Harry, now a loving father and successful Auror, must track down and kill the evil Voldecat. In order to do so, he needs a dog and thus must contact Sirius's nephew Jacob, an Animagus who lives with a vampire coven in America.
Will Harry and Jacob succeed? Or will Voldecat bring unto the earth a new era of furry darkness?

wickedvoodoo's picture
wickedvoodoo from Mansfield, England is reading stuff. November 9, 2012 - 4:09pm

^ cool. Right I shall take that one as the last entry, and I will have a word will Bill tonight/tomorrow.

I'll post up the winning lists soon.

Cheers guys. And please, if you want to help support a geat publication, check out the Pulp Modern 3 book that Bill's story that inspried this give-away is in.

Pretty Spry for a Dead Guy's picture
Pretty Spry for... from I'd prefer it if you didn't know. So would you, only you don't know it. is reading whatever he makes time for this week November 9, 2012 - 4:17pm

Top Ten Ways to make Twilight More Interesting

Bella is high, and there are no vampires

OR

Edward is an Oompa Loompa, Bella a chocolate bar

OR

Make it metafiction, only it's really about how actors Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson are actually poorly programmed acting robots

OR

The Blacks (Jacob) are related to the Blacks (Sirius), the "shapeshifter" werewolves are Animagi, and Purebloods are Nataive Americans

OR

The Cullens are not vampires but cultists brainwashing Bella

OR

Bella has a brother named Kevin, whom she spits on

OR

Jacob is not a werewolf but a merman, and Edward hates him because he hates seafood

OR

Edward falls in love with Charlie (it's actually his scent on Bella that first attracted Edward)

OR

Write Twilight in such a way that the Volturi are the protagonists and the Cullens amoral extremists

OR

Use it as a frisbee

Pretty Spry for a Dead Guy's picture
Pretty Spry for... from I'd prefer it if you didn't know. So would you, only you don't know it. is reading whatever he makes time for this week November 9, 2012 - 4:17pm

Sorry, voodoo, missed your comment.

wickedvoodoo's picture
wickedvoodoo from Mansfield, England is reading stuff. November 9, 2012 - 4:23pm

It's cool, knock yourself out if you are having fun. Today was the last day though and it's coming up to midnight where I am ;-)

 

Americantypo's picture
Americantypo from Philadelphia is reading The Bone Clocks November 9, 2012 - 6:06pm

Still 8 o'clock where I am so let er rip, ha ha.

wickedvoodoo's picture
wickedvoodoo from Mansfield, England is reading stuff. November 15, 2012 - 7:30am

Haven't forgotten this one! Due to WAR dominating the week, the announcement of winners here took a slight delay. Will be posted up soon.

big_old_dave's picture
big_old_dave from Watford, about 20 miles outside London, Uk November 15, 2012 - 10:06am

The top ten things I do when i know I've drunk too much

1) Throwing up on the shoes of your unrequited love (no.... it does not help you pull)

2) Throwing up on the dancer floor - eat that posers!

3)  slag off everyones tatse in music apart from my own

4) truffle shuffle bemused policewomen

5) Throwing up out of a cabbies window on the motorway comming back from a radiohead gig

6) Walking into the wrong tent at Glastonbury - well it's full of tents. Thats my defense!

7) write huge chucks of a story that's gibberish when sobber.

8) Eating a kebab - where im from thats taking your life into your own hands......

9) Being unable to leave social media alone while drunk and seeing the demented comments I've made in the morning,

10) Take your shirt off on a hot summers eveining before realising your walking through the gay area of soho.

The horror.......The horror........

Americantypo's picture
Americantypo from Philadelphia is reading The Bone Clocks November 15, 2012 - 10:39am

Ah! Big ol dave, you missed the deadline, but there will be future contests I'm sure (both Weird Noir and Cipher Sisters will be print and I'll probably do something fun with those once I get my hands on some copies).

wickedvoodoo's picture
wickedvoodoo from Mansfield, England is reading stuff. November 15, 2012 - 9:29pm

Well, I was going to do a top ten of the top ten, but time is crazy kinds of tight this week and I don't think we should keep you guys hanging on any longer. now SO, here's the official three best lists that will get the prize books from Bill.

1) Sean of the Dead - 10 worst horror movies he could watch over and over again

2) Boone Spaulding - 10 awesome shorter works by Stephen King

3) Bret Gammons - 10 ways to make twilight more fun and less crap

 

There was loads of fun stuff though. The single digit numbers, the belly noises, the gross-out film moments, all great. Good response to this. Winners, please PM your addresses to Bill (Americantypo) or me if you like and I'll forward them so you can get your awesome prizes.

To all the people that contributed - thank you for making this fun! If you want a good read you should check out the book with Bill's story that inspired this whole thing.

Rock on, ladies and gents. Rock the fuck on indeed.

Americantypo's picture
Americantypo from Philadelphia is reading The Bone Clocks November 16, 2012 - 7:48am

Yeah, just to chime in- it was really hard to pick three. Lots of great lists here and if you didn't win, please support the zine anyway and check out some of their issues.

Americantypo's picture
Americantypo from Philadelphia is reading The Bone Clocks December 6, 2012 - 8:34am

Is Boone Spaulding alive? Haven't gotten your shipping info yet- if you are, please message me and I'll get you the copy of Pulp Modern III. Also, if the two other guys that won can let me knowe they got the issue, that would be cool.

-Bill

sean of the dead's picture
sean of the dead from Madisonville, KY is reading Peckerwood, by Jed Ayres December 6, 2012 - 8:45am

I DID get Pulp Modern III in the mail!  I'm apparently too busy fooling around on here to say thank you, which makes me kind of a numbskull.  Sorry about that.  Thank you very much!  White Heat, White Light is great!  Way better than Social Distortion!

Boone Spaulding's picture
Boone Spaulding from Coldwater, Michigan, U.S.A. is reading Solarcide Presents: Nova Parade December 6, 2012 - 12:34pm

Alive, but compromised...just saw this today in the threads! I'm messaging you in a moment. 

I feel like I got an early Christmas present! I feel like Scrooge the morning after...

Pretty Spry for a Dead Guy's picture
Pretty Spry for... from I'd prefer it if you didn't know. So would you, only you don't know it. is reading whatever he makes time for this week December 11, 2012 - 3:20pm

I DID get Pulp Modern III in the mail!  I'm apparently too busy fooling around on here to say thank you, which makes me kind of a numbskull.  Sorry about that.  Thank you very much! 

Stole the words right outta my fingertips.

Signed, sealed, delivered.

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading A truckload of books December 11, 2012 - 8:54pm

I just reread the winner's lists and saw SOD's list. To that I say, 

Liana's picture
Liana from Romania and Texas is reading Naked Lunch December 12, 2012 - 9:12am

Top 10 ways the world will end:

bah, I'm lazy.

sean of the dead's picture
sean of the dead from Madisonville, KY is reading Peckerwood, by Jed Ayres December 12, 2012 - 10:33am

@Renee: have you seen that movie?  It is amazing!  Combine that with Poultrygeist and you've got two top-notch holiday fowl horror movies.

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading A truckload of books December 12, 2012 - 8:34pm

I have seen it. OF COURSE.