I've never flat-out sobbed after writing something until tonight. I know it's some of the best writing I've ever done -- and definitely imbibed with plenty of fucking emotion -- so I don't want to give it up. Thinking about certain lines still makes me tear up, though. It's creative nonfiction, which of course factors in, but fictionalizing it would be impossible because of its structure.
How long does it take you to not be so raw after writing something that makes you cry?
I've never actually cried from reading or writing, but that sting, if it's there after the first couple reads, it'll probably be there for a while. That's how you know it's good.
Give it a couple of days. You may not be able to read it dispassionately, but it won't be so raw.
When I wrote "Waiting for Christmas" there were some scenes where I could only get a sentence out and I'd tear up and be so emotional so I'd go and blow my nose and take a smoke break or something for 5 minutes and come back and write the next sentence and it started all over again. There were a couple scenes that took me a lot longer to write just because of that. And everytime I read it over to edit I cried, it's part of the reason I haven't revised it and sent it out yet lol. But I'd say it should only take you a day or so to get over it but there are going to be things that make you wail up everytime you think about it.
I imagine my next project(if I do the one I told you about) will be the same as what your going through. i kind of look forward to it and don't at the same time.
If it's done well, you may never be able to read it without getting upset. When I finished writing Disintegration I thought I might throw up, and then I broke down and cried. Give it a few days, see how it feels. If its personal, that may be tough to deal with—ever.
PS: Congratulations.
Part of writing is self-discovery. Some of the best things I've written might not have seemed that good to others, but they showed me something about myself. I love that. Don't know if what you are writing does that for you right now Courtney, but I think self discovery is the extra thing writing gives us. Plus, Courtney,I read a story of yours a while back that made me cry.It was when your Mom was leaving. That was good writing, girl. From the heart.
I try to continue writing as soon as I've gotten a grip of myself; I'd be too worried to wait and risk killing the momentum otherwise. If I had my druthers, I would always write things that made me cry, which in turn should turn my readers into near-suicidal lumps of phlegm and drool.
And JR--damn you for making me well up with sweet little Christmas!
While I do tear up at emotional or tragic scenes, I never seem to when I'm reading or writing. I find my relationship with the written word kind of prevents me from doing so, because writing is always so raw and real, when I'm reading or writing my own stuff, and it's something really impacting, I never tend to cry about it. I'm just sitting in front of my computer, stripped raw, fingers tense, chest hot, throat tight.
Most of my work has some sort of non-fiction aspect weaved into the story (especially in the case of my female characters), so it is really gratifying to tear through some of my emotional baggage on the page. The story I'm working on right now has some pretty raw stuff in there, and I've written plenty of scenes this week that have left me in my "raw" kind of state. I guess that's relatively close to crying.
Sometimes I try to take a break from the story when I hit the end of a specific scene, or where I just feel a scene should end. That's usually where I take a break and have a bath or a drink or whatever to kind of absorb the feelings and move onto the next scene. It works for me, because that's also where I want my readers to sit back and think, "Shit."
So if I'm taking a breather as the writer, I'm hoping that my readers are taking a short version of that.
I wrote a piece about my friend's son dying at eight months old. That was ten years ago in October, and we cried talking about the story just yesterday.
The first draft? I wept while writing. Serious; snot and everything. Subesequent drafts got easier. Whether or not it ever sees the light of day in pages, that it exists and that his mom and my mentor love the piece are enough for me.
And Courtney, I can't wait to read this piece of yours now! Break me!
Jesus, Drea. I don't even know if I could write something like that. Props to you.
Yes--let us know Court, when it goes up somewhere.
Drea-- is that the story you wrote in the class we did together? Because holy shit... that was a heart wrencher for sure, and so well done.
The really harsh things I've written never completely ease up. What tolerance I have is more about how much it has been read than time.
Courtney, I don't know if you remember a story of mine you read when you first came to LitReactor? It was a memoir called Softly, and you had just submitted Rose colored explosion. Anyway, that story was the hardest thing I have written so far and yeah I cried and yeah just the writing or reading it back to edited took me back to the darkness of raw emotions, which then lingered on for the week or two that it took to write the story. But when your finished and other people read your story and it reaches them, effects their emotions, it's all worth it and it helps.
That said I haven't been able to bring myself back to that story yet. It was the second thing I ever wrote here and I know it needs a revision if i want to send it out. I know it will break me again when I do.
Amy Hempel's In the cemetery...broke my heart, made be proper cry and I love it so. If you want any feedback on your story I'd love to help.
Drea-- is that the story you wrote in the class we did together? Because holy shit... that was a heart wrencher for sure, and so well done.
Thank you, Renee. That's the one - it was selected as a finalist for the Dogwood contest but ultimately they passed because of a noob head jump I made between the characters. I have to do a little tweaking on it but its still out as is with a few white whales.
The only times I cry while writing is when I got those really intense episodes of The Biggest Loser going on for background noise. I bawl my freaking eyes out.
I realized lately that probably the weakest thing fundamentally about a lot of stories I've been editing through is that maybe they're written too emotionally on my part. Like it's aiming for pathos but plays off as melodrama, laughably obvious manipulation when it doesn't have the right distance. So all those are cheap as hell and don't work. I haven't really written anything that's too worthwhile on an emotional level, which you know screw if your cool plot works, if it isn't working emotionally then the story is pretty much useless.
I have a hard time relating to puny human feelings anyway.