Dwayne's picture
Dwayne from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updated May 24, 2012 - 11:10am

@Doll - Yeah, I try not to look at the other reviews when I do my stuff. I fail some, but I try.

bryanhowie's picture
bryanhowie from FW, ID is reading East of Eden. Steinbeck is FUCKING AMAZING. May 24, 2012 - 12:10pm

If I was hard on your story, it doesn't mean you are a worthless person.

You say that, but I know you don't mean it.  ;)

As for LbL, when I rewrite, I read all the summary reviews and then open a workable document and the LbL both on half of the comptuer screen and then go through the story making suggested changes I like and skipping the ones I disagree with.  Then I open the next LbL and do the same thing.  And then the next.  And then the next.  I'll go through a story 4 or 5 times (depending on the number of LbLs) and each time make changes.  I find them to be the most useful part of a review.  

I like grammar suggestions.  If I see three people have a problem with the same sentence because my comma makes the sentence hard to read and I don't agree with it in two of the reviews, the third one is going to make me go, "Shit, I'm wrong.  I do need to change the comma or rewrite this sentence."

I like the summary reviews for putting in plot notes or character notes or shit like that, because when I'm reading a story and doing a LbL, I'm not thinking about those things.  I think about those things after the story and write as much of a summary as possible (also, I try to include things that repeatedly get mentioned in the LbL and offer help with those issues).  

So, I guess I'm saying that the summary at the end (and the thing seen in the workshops) is where I try to put in the stuff that Wicked wants to hear about.  

The summary is for my thoughts after I read. The LbL is for everything that pops out at me while I'm reading.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner May 24, 2012 - 2:46pm

Maybe this is the problem. 

"A girlfriend called me 'brutally honest'. A judgment that made me feel all warm inside and happy with myself until she put her hands on her hips and shouted: 'It's cruel! Don't you understand that people despise honesty?'" --Lone Frank

underpurplemoon's picture
underpurplemoon from PDX May 24, 2012 - 11:27pm

Matt Attack, I will rip you to shreds someday.

underpurplemoon's picture
underpurplemoon from PDX May 24, 2012 - 11:37pm

Everyone, I was looking for the five star review...and it turned out to be me that did it! My laptop is a bit funky and I didn't realize what it did until Matt pointed things out. I wrote a reply to my review. It shouldn't have been five stars across the board. My apologies.

underpurplemoon's picture
underpurplemoon from PDX May 24, 2012 - 11:38pm

Dwayne, I do the same thing, I don't look at what others review about the work. Eventually, I will read the review after I've submitted mine.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner May 25, 2012 - 2:16am

Wait! Whoa! Somewhere in there I think I said it was a glitch. I'll have to find it. I actually didn't see you making those types of reviews. 

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner May 25, 2012 - 2:40am

Update!

Side note: If I ever had a daughter I think I would name her Savannah. See if you can guess why that came to mind! 

thump (625 words)

By: whiterabbit
In: Flash Fiction, Literary 0 reviews
A young couple on a night drive.

Mount Carroll Reworked

By: ergoego
In: Literary, Novel Excerpt 2 reviews
1 new
In the previous chapter Stan discovers an electricity between him and Holly, but Holly's best friend Chloe creates a dilemma for Stan. This chapter finds Stan dealing with his dilemma. 3,222 words.

THE FOUNTAINEERS

By: Jason George Osmond
In: Adventure, Novel Excerpt 2 reviews
2 new
There is an island where only the young can go. It is said that the secret to immortality resides there.This is an bloody, lawless tale of the controversial meanings of life and death.

Great White Bay

By: marv66
In: Adventure, Short Story 2 reviews
A tribal mans wife begins to go into labor in their canoe in the middle of the bay. He hauls her back to the shore where something more sinister than the shark that just bumped him awaits

 

Savanna-I-L

By: ergoego
In: Literary, Novel Excerpt 2 reviews
1 new
In the previous chapter a Jesuit had counseled Stan to go find a good Catholic girl, get married and dedicate his 1st born son to be a priest. Stan visits his aunt in Savanna & meets Holly at church.

 

 

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks May 25, 2012 - 7:35am

@Matt A classmate of mine named her daughter Savannah. She's also a horrible mom, so, you know... you could eclipse the horrible-parents-name-their-children Savannah trend.

My submission is off the list because I have three reviews, but I'm still not fully comfortable with it. I'd like some more feedback, so if anyone is bored, it's a 3,300 word excerpt from my novella (novelette?) and includes the prologue and first chapter. I'm having trouble moving on in the story because I'm stuck on these two sections and could use some help. It's a story about a girl whose abusive ex-boyfriend died in Afghanistan and the aftermath of dealing with his lionization in the press.

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks May 25, 2012 - 8:27am

Also, since we've gotten away from the original standard Matt set for whoring your submission, here's my plea in the format dictated by the first post:

On Fire (working title)
3,300 words
Literary
It's the prologue and first chapter of a baby novella. I'm looking for notes on the realism of the situation and whether my characters are strong. I have conflicting emotions about the character of Damien and only Howie picked up on his insidious nature, so I'm wondering if I should run with the semi-abusive angle or rewrite him to be less manipulative.

bryanhowie's picture
bryanhowie from FW, ID is reading East of Eden. Steinbeck is FUCKING AMAZING. May 25, 2012 - 8:28am

How do you know it's a novella if you haven't written it yet?

 

bryanhowie's picture
bryanhowie from FW, ID is reading East of Eden. Steinbeck is FUCKING AMAZING. May 25, 2012 - 8:31am

Hmmm... I just posted in the wrong thread.  I'll just excuse myself gracelessly now.

Bill Tucker's picture
Bill Tucker from Austin, Texas is reading Grimm's Fairy Tales (1st Edition) May 25, 2012 - 12:50pm

Courtney, I'll take a look at yours tomorrow when I have a free couple of hours.  Been slacking on the review due to a very busy work special and a lovely bout of food poisoning I'm just now fully recovering from.  Looking to get back on it!

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks May 25, 2012 - 2:33pm

@Howie I've been a pretty good judge so far of how many words I need. I have it outlined in Scrivener with word targets, and I'm shooting for about 25k right now. A novelette or chapbook, not really a novella.

@Bill Thanks! I'm looking forward to your review.

JEFFREY GRANT BARR's picture
JEFFREY GRANT BARR from Central OR is reading Nothing but fucking Shakespeare, for the rest of my life May 25, 2012 - 2:48pm

Courtney, I'm about halfway through my LBL for On Fire, I'll have it uploaded sometime tonight.

There are a lot of workshop submissions right now! Do people ever post their post-workshop revised stories? I think batflower and cdregan are the only ones I've seen do so.

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks May 26, 2012 - 7:08am

I've done it a few times, Jeff. I actually prefer to do it that way -- I can see if people think it's improved.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner May 27, 2012 - 4:23am

Update! Not much there. 

 

Victims of a Cheeky Pursuit Chapters 3&4

By: ashleyarabian
In: Novel Excerpt, Surprise Me 1 reviews
1 new
An awkward 15 yr old is secretly obsessed with a man 2X her age. Comedic, coming of age story. 3,880 Words.

 

Mount Carroll Reworked

By: ergoego
In: Literary, Novel Excerpt 2 reviews
1 new
In the previous chapter Stan discovers an electricity between him and Holly, but Holly's best friend Chloe creates a dilemma for Stan. This chapter finds Stan dealing with his dilemma. 3,222 words.

 

THE FOUNTAINEERS

By: Jason George Osmond
In: Adventure, Novel Excerpt 2 reviews
2 new
There is an island where only the young can go. It is said that the secret to immortality resides there.This is an bloody, lawless tale of the controversial meanings of life and death.

 

Great White Bay

By: marv66
In: Adventure, Short Story 2 reviews
A tribal mans wife begins to go into labor in their canoe in the middle of the bay. He hauls her back to the shore where something more sinister than the shark that just bumped him awaits

 

 

wickedvoodoo's picture
wickedvoodoo from Mansfield, England is reading stuff. May 27, 2012 - 6:00am

I wouldn't mind a couple extra sets of eyes over this one if someone is bored later on.

I'm still not sure whether it is salvageable. This was the story where I lost my WAR! mojo.

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks May 27, 2012 - 9:57am

I'm going to take a break from the workshop for a while so I can use my money for more important things like food and cigarettes, but I may be back in less than a month.

Are the locked threads workshop member only or site member only?

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters May 27, 2012 - 10:01am

workshop member only.

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks May 27, 2012 - 10:15am

That makes sense. I've been wondering that for a while. Oh, well. If it works out, I should have enough money by the seventh, but probably not because I also have to get a cell phone.

I love when real-life gets in the way. It kind of makes me remember that there's this place called the world that I should visit sometimes.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner May 27, 2012 - 10:36am

I would choose smokes over workshop. Yes. I said it. 

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks May 27, 2012 - 1:23pm

I got my first pack of menthols in years yesterday. I smoke Parliaments, the bastards are $6.41 here and I'm broke. But yeah, smokes > workshop. Every day.

Renfield's picture
Renfield from Hell is reading 20th Century Ghosts May 27, 2012 - 1:38pm

If you smoke Parliaments then True Blues might be a good alternative though they are harder to get, unless there's a Racetrac gas station near you. If you're smoking menthols then you should probably just chew some gum and quit pretending. More akin to sucking on a dwarf clown/hooker's asshole than the end of a smoke.

jyh's picture
jyh from VA is reading whatever he feels like May 27, 2012 - 1:40pm

More akin to sucking on a dwarf clown/hooker's asshole than the end of a smoke.

I disagree.  Menthols are worse for you, making them way cooler than regular cigarettes.

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks May 27, 2012 - 1:44pm

I like to feel like a badass, J.Y. is right on point.

Really, though, my sister only smokes menthols and I was out the other day so I had a Marlboro Menthol and I was surprised how much I liked it. It helps me smoke less, too, because they're fucking disgusting after the first three.

Parliaments are literally what I smoke whenever I can. They're just delicious. I've heard of True Blues, but only in Tennessee. I don't think a Racetrac (? We bought them at a tobacco store in Tennessee, so I'm not even sure what Racetrac is) exists in suburban Indianapolis.

Stacy Kear's picture
Stacy Kear from Bucyrus, Ohio lives in New Jersey is reading The Art of War May 27, 2012 - 3:18pm

Don't leave Courtney! Who will correct my grammar?

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks May 27, 2012 - 3:27pm

I'll be back as soon as I can afford cigarettes and food! It shouldn't take too long. I get bored with food and go days on oatmeal or grits, which my mom keeps in the house.

Stacy Kear's picture
Stacy Kear from Bucyrus, Ohio lives in New Jersey is reading The Art of War May 27, 2012 - 3:34pm

Oh alright, I guess food is kinda important.

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks May 27, 2012 - 3:36pm

You'd think so, but I buy cigarettes over food anyday.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner May 27, 2012 - 4:09pm

I am paying 3.00 a pack here. Marlboro Menthol. There are some places I can get some for 2.00, if not cheaper. Tobacco country. 

I have been smoking since I was....15. I should really stop. 

 

 

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks May 27, 2012 - 4:16pm

I've been smoking since I was thirteen, but then again, I'm only eighteen.

I used to have a love-hate relationship with menthols. My boyfriend used to smoke only menthol, and then I broke him of that, and now neither of us can smoke them. I had one the other day and I fucking loved it. I'm smoking one now and it's lost its notoreity so it's less delicious, but still good.

I make $8.20 an hour, so after taxes, I'm basically spending an hour's work on one pack. Which fucking sucks, considering I go through at least a pack a day. Parliaments are just so goddamn worth it. They're just the best cigarette I've ever smoked.

(For the record, I'm smoking Marlboro Menthols right now. It's kind of weird that that's your guys' preferred cigarette. It's not trashy unless they're Kools! Kidding. Sort of.)

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner May 27, 2012 - 4:22pm

Kools are jail money. Newports well....yeah. Marlboro or Camel are normally my faire. 

 

jyh's picture
jyh from VA is reading whatever he feels like May 27, 2012 - 5:03pm

Kool used to make unfiltered cigarettes, which are always better.

Dwayne's picture
Dwayne from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updated May 27, 2012 - 7:32pm

Serious comment here. I'm not telling you guys not to smoke, you hear it enough I'm sure.

It so odd to read all these debates on brands because I'm sitting here trying to make myself work on a piece about a man who dies from smoking. Just very surreal. 

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters May 27, 2012 - 8:12pm

I'll tell you not to smoke.  Stop smoking!! 

I quit nearly 8 years ago and I swear it's wonderful (p.s. I didn't get fat either, not matter what JY says about me being an elephant)

You smell 900% better when you don't smoke. 

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks May 27, 2012 - 9:04pm

I definitely believe about the smell, but I did gain weight last time I tried to quit. That was because I was stuffing my mouth with food to keep myself from smoking, though.

Newports are way more expensive here. Parliaments are the priciest, but the tastiest. The weird thing is that Newport Reds are a dollar less than Marlboros.

If I don't smoke Parliaments, I try to find Tourneys, but Speedway doesn't take my ID. And the only other option is Camel Filters. They're the closest to Tourney Lights that I've found.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner May 28, 2012 - 2:41am

I really, really need to quit. I am up to a pack a day. 

 

Update!

Victims of a Cheeky Pursuit Chapters 3&4

By: ashleyarabian
In: Novel Excerpt, Surprise Me 1 reviews
1 new
An awkward 15 yr old is secretly obsessed with a man 2X her age. Comedic, coming of age story. 3,880 Words.

 

Mount Carroll Reworked

By: ergoego
In: Literary, Novel Excerpt 2 reviews
1 new
In the previous chapter Stan discovers an electricity between him and Holly, but Holly's best friend Chloe creates a dilemma for Stan. This chapter finds Stan dealing with his dilemma. 3,222 words.

 

THE FOUNTAINEERS

By: Jason George Osmond
In: Adventure, Novel Excerpt 2 reviews
2 new
There is an island where only the young can go. It is said that the secret to immortality resides there.This is an bloody, lawless tale of the controversial meanings of life and death.

 

Great White Bay

By: marv66
In: Adventure, Short Story 2 reviews
A tribal mans wife begins to go into labor in their canoe in the middle of the bay. He hauls her back to the shore where something more sinister than the shark that just bumped him awaits

 

Savanna-I-L

By: ergoego
In: Literary, Novel Excerpt 2 reviews
1 new
In the previous chapter a Jesuit had counseled Stan to go find a good Catholic girl, get married and dedicate his 1st born son to be a priest. Stan visits his aunt in Savanna & meets Holly at church.

 

On Fire (working title)

By: Courtney
In: Literary, Novel Excerpt 4 reviews
4 new
I'm on hiatus from the workshop. I will not be able to see any reviews on this.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner May 28, 2012 - 2:52am

The screwed up thing is, I have quit two or three times. In bootcamp we weren't allowed to smoke. I went thirteen weeks without them and the second I got off the plane at my base in Florida, I lit up. Fucking idiot. I quit a couple months back too, but things didn't go well with my ex and I, so I fell back on old habits. I am going to. Just need motivation other than self interest. 

 

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks May 28, 2012 - 9:21am

I'm pretty sure the only time I'll quit smoking is when I get pregnant. So, Matt, all you need to do is get pregnant.

bryanhowie's picture
bryanhowie from FW, ID is reading East of Eden. Steinbeck is FUCKING AMAZING. May 28, 2012 - 9:33am

And I'm just the man for the job.  (I'm winking at you, Matt)

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters May 28, 2012 - 9:35am

When I got pregnant, I didn't smoke anymore.  But I went so far as to completely give up caffeine as well.  And sugar free gum. 

I was a horrid bitch. 

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner May 28, 2012 - 9:37am

Howie, you want to be my baby Daddy? 

bryanhowie's picture
bryanhowie from FW, ID is reading East of Eden. Steinbeck is FUCKING AMAZING. May 28, 2012 - 9:39am

I'm your huckleberry, Matt.

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks May 28, 2012 - 9:51am

I feel like I'd give up caffeine and cigarettes and hate everyone and everything, but then be the happiest person ever when I popped the baby out. Thank God drinking isn't one of my vices.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters May 28, 2012 - 9:54am

Oh, well, yeah.  I also gave up drinking.  THAT was also tough toward the end.

I thought I'd be the happiest person ever too.  I think that is an unrealistic expectation.  You might not be.  And that's okay too.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner May 28, 2012 - 9:54am

Smokes are one thing, coffee is another. Fuck that. I tried the tea thing, I couldn't do it. I like smoking, yes, I enjoy it. I am sorry, it just wasn't meant to be Howie. Not to mention I am a dude.....yeah....so there is that. I have a feeling if we did have kids though, they'd be the manliest kids every born. Killing wolves and deer with spears, smoking at 6 months. Beating other babies up. I really think they would just be shit out with hair on their chest and already in debt. 

jyh's picture
jyh from VA is reading whatever he feels like May 28, 2012 - 9:57am

Who wants a review?

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks May 28, 2012 - 9:57am

I'm basing that off the fact that I literally can't get enough of babies. I like them in a completely maternal, non-creepy way that makes it impossible for me to pass a baby without staring at it. I probably won't be immediately overjoyed or some sort of Super Mom, but I know I'll at least love the kid. Which is good.

My vices are caffeine (usually soda, coffee at work) and cigarettes. I'm glad I don't drink or do drugs, because fuck that.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters May 28, 2012 - 9:58am

"they'd be the manliest kids every born"

I want to make a crack abouut how you are the pansiest male I have ever met, but I'm afraid it will hurt your fragile girl-like feelings.  So I won't.