Thuggish's picture
Thuggish from Vegas is reading Day of the Jackal February 17, 2014 - 11:30pm

So, it's late, I can't sleep, time to get deep.

Everyone- what's your biggest fear?  Things like spiders or other one-dimensional tangible phobia type things don't count.  I'm talking life stuff.

Dmcleod's picture
Dmcleod from Florida is reading Molloy February 18, 2014 - 2:54am

If you've ever seen or read A Scanner Darkly there is a part where Bob Arctor is getting stoned with his room mates. They are talking about a world famous imposter who wasn't really an imposter of anything, but pretended he was to get famous. Bob says something about posing as a Narc, and the room mates immediately get suspicious and wonder what he's talking about. He is undercover, and he has blown his cover, yet the boys are too stoned/stupid to have caught on. But they know something isn't right. And Bob Arctor knows something isn't right. It's a tense and uneasy scene.

I quit smoking weed a long time ago because I would get not just paranoid, but deathly afraid that people thought that I had ulterior motives, and that I was inherintly evil. And I thought it too. It was like inverse paranoia. I would feel like I was hiding something, and feel that others knew I was hiding something, but I had no clue what or why. I would feel guilty and depressed and immediately lose trust in people and reality. Totally dissociative loony toon shit. That moment in A Scanner Darkly is the closest thing I've seen in film or in a book to the feeling I'm describing.

My biggest fear (it's happened a few times when I drink) is that I get into this mindstate again, and it doesn't go away. I am certain that if I was to get a diagnoses while feeling this "thing", I would be certifiably insane. And since I've had a few "relapses", I'm pretty sure there is something wrong with my brain, that it could come back and maybe not leave, and that scares the shit out of me.

So basically: I fear going batshit crazy.

OtterMan's picture
OtterMan from New Jersey, near Philadelphia USA is reading Ringworlds Children February 18, 2014 - 4:14am

I attend to an essentially Buddhist way of thought. One thing often pondered is impermanence and the illusion of attachment. I'm OK with this as it relates to things. I have things but I'd still be capable of functioning without them. I was always a loner when I was younger. I'm not sure it was so much of a chioce as I was one of those kids that seemed odd and just never attracted many friends in the first place. Later a woman entered, then joined my life. If you've never merged your life seamlessly and completely with another you may not understand and if you have no explanation is required. Children too, so very like me in so many ways and so very individual each in their own ways. 

Loss is the fear that no amount of esoteric philosophy or deep meditation can truly ease or erase. All in life is impermanent, but the fear of a phone call in the night or a somber discussion in a doctor's office is still very real. Yin and Yang, there is no gain without loss, no joy without sorrow, no good without bad.

jyh's picture
jyh from VA is reading whatever he feels like February 18, 2014 - 6:58pm

I fear that I will run out of juice.











L.W. Flouisa's picture
L.W. Flouisa from Tennessee is reading More Murakami February 18, 2014 - 8:33pm

Saving Mr. Banks didn't alleviate any dislikes I have about Hollywood adaptations, let's put it that way.

Renfield's picture
Renfield from Hell is reading 20th Century Ghosts February 18, 2014 - 8:55pm

I keep a list of all my greatest fears around for writing purposes, it's in a password protected file of course so none my enemies find it. Here's some of it.

Radiation sickness
Losing teeth
Getting teeth stabbed out with a Rambo knife
Stuck in hospital
Car crashes
Being unnoteworthy
Being caught in a web of my own lies
Spiders inside my body or orifices
Food that tastes bad
Being stabbed in the back of the head or murdered or otherwise bothered while sitting in a darkened movie theatre
People talking in movie theatre
Being police brutalized to death
Getting caught around the neck in some razorwire

Gordon Highland's picture
Gordon Highland from Kansas City is reading Secondhand Souls by Christopher Moore February 18, 2014 - 9:54pm


Dmcleod's picture
Dmcleod from Florida is reading Molloy February 18, 2014 - 10:19pm

Is it the rape or the incarceration?

Gordon Highland's picture
Gordon Highland from Kansas City is reading Secondhand Souls by Christopher Moore February 19, 2014 - 6:29am

It's the things you do to survive in there, and the constant paranoia that comes with being surrounded by those with nothing to lose. You're wrongly convicted on some bullshit, in say a five-year sentence, then get shanked by some lifer. Or you end up doing something else in there in the name of survival that locks you up for good. It's the society more than the incarceration.

Flaminia Ferina's picture
Flaminia Ferina from Umbria is reading stuff February 19, 2014 - 8:46am

JY, do you ever fear you run out of space?

voodoo_em's picture
voodoo_em from England is reading All the books by Ira Levin February 19, 2014 - 9:13am

Hmmm all mine would make a big list like Renfields. So just the one here:

You read Fred Venturini's A Pound of Flesh?


justwords's picture
justwords from suburb of Birmingham, AL is reading The Tomb, F. Paul Wilson; A Long Way Down, Nick Hornby February 27, 2014 - 3:05pm

@Gordon: surely you haven't done anything to warrant this being a realistic fear? You have such an honest face.


@voodoo: Yikes!


Mine is snakes--have an extremely irrational fear of them; always have.

Adam Birch's picture
Adam Birch from all over, currently North SF Bay Area is reading Brotherhood of the Blade by Diana Gabaldon February 27, 2014 - 8:30pm

My biggest fear is probably that I will live such an impoverished, unsuccessful life that I'll never be anything but a burden to my family and friends.

Cmangano's picture
Cmangano from Maine March 2, 2014 - 9:03pm

Dmcleod, you are not alone.

I have nearly this exact fear. I frequently feel that I'm losing it.People often take little interest in the fact because I seem so calm while explaining that I'm having a full-fledged panic attack. I also can relate to the fear of this being an underlying physical problem. I always just chalk it up to irrational paranoia on my part. It is my only fear aside from drowning (another irrational fear considering I can swim just fine).