I got mine. What's yours?
Goal: I'm hoping to polish up a 15-page section of a WIP. And I'm posting it here so that if I don't work on it this weekend, I'll get to come back and tell everyone what a failure I am.
Biggest Block: I've been playing Punch-Out! I can't beat Piston Honda a second time...yet. Fun Punch-Out! fact, did you know that the Italian fighter in the arcade version is named...Pizza Pasta? For real.
Post 'em if you got 'em.
Finish Lustful Kings: And Other Poems. Finished a poetry book as belated birthday gift to Maddie, she shall never know. Don't judge, only girl I ever loved.
Mine was to institute a plot change I came up with. Move a revelation to later in the plot, mostly. Biggest block: every fuckin' body and their mother wants me to do something for them. And I'm tired.
But! If there were 8 chapters to redo, I got about 4, so hey, lookit me.
I like the idea of this thread... People need to jump in.
GOAL: begin a new short story. I did. My obsession of late is making a whole pile of bricks, that is, a bunch of short stories, that when stacked and mudded make a novel. Each brick is stand alone and square and solid and purposeful, and can be a part of something bigger, as grand as the time will allow. Forgot...submit a short story to GLIMMER TRAIN by August 31st.
OBSTACLE: The inner bastard bully that tells me I have nothing to say. You know the one. Same one that says it's too much trouble to get in the shower. And then comes the heat and the steam and the smell of clean skin.....sit down again a put a letter on the page. Fuck you Bully.
Goal: Finalize "Make a Wish for Icarus II"; create cover letter for said story; submit to 10 publications by August 30th.
Goal II: Finish first draft of new story, "Stealing a Lion's Roar", by August 30th.
Goal III: Compile 90 pages of poetry/flash fiction and submit for review by August 15th.
Goal IV: Read one novel a week for the month of August.
Obstacle: Packing to move to Boston so I can begin my MFA at UMass Boston. Finish reading stories I don't really get excited about, and try to figure out what didn't work for me so I can avoid that. Pushing forward despite feeling like I'm a fraud every single day of my life. Staying focused and trying not to lose my shit because another friend of mine from the military committed suicide.
@Jose. It is wonderful that you are doing the MFA. I hope you will let us know how it is going and what you think. I didn't do an MFA, although I had dreams of doing so in order to teach Creative Writing at University level. You have mentioned wanting to teach as well, and I am stoked for you. Two years of intense writing immersion will transform everything. That kind of intensity cannot go unrewarded. Your work will explode.
Please accept my condolences. I am sorry for the loss of your friend. I lost someone to suicide seven months ago. It is profoundly painful, and were it to occur again, in my circle of knowing, I would be deeply shaken and disoriented. I am deeply shaken and disoriented. Writing has helped me to go on, to face the fraud that is me, every single day of my life.
Okay. Sorry. You may not have wanted comment, but there you have it. The squirrels outside my window are dumping their nests all over the ground and starting over. Time for me to do the same. Dishes, laundry, shower, making the bed, meaningless repetitive labors of living, that somehow I begin to understand as privilege. Soap and water. I took two yoga classes last week, and I started breathing again. Not breathing was my involuntary response to losing someone. gsr
Wow Jose's got some ambitious goals...
Also, that's terrible to hear, man. About anyone, but especially a vet, I think.
I appreciate it, from both of you. Thank you.
This is a great idea, only weekends are always the time when I don't have time to write! Maybe I'll do a goal for the week instead :)
Damn, Jose. Sorry to hear that.
Weekend goals. Who made it last week? Who's got 'em for this weekend?
Aw shit, I'm not off to a good start...
K, tomorrow I have to finish the changes to a few chapters, at least, and integrate the new plan on revealing the big mystery plot.
@ helpfulsnowman, thanks.
Weekend goals....shot to hell because I changed my mind.
Weekend goal is now tomorrow goal. Tomorrow goal, just read all day and don't get sucked into the spectacle that is the olympics.
Next weekend goal: Read, read, read. Basically the goal until I begin classes in September.
So this weekend I'm trying to get the bulk of the remaining chapters in my book written. If not all of them, at least most. And by written, I mean having something cohesive down that I can work with. And go back throughout the work to set everything up that I'm deciding on.
Sounds like a lot, but so far so good.
Who else is being productive this weekend?
Weekend writing goal: Fix ending of my current short story. Make it more satisfying for the reader, if possible.
Obstacle: Long weekend got cut short because of work. Problem saving Word doc to OneDrive so contacted Support which was a big long pain in the ass. Why do they have to blather on so much before getting down to business?
I did get some rewriting in. I do think I've improved it and that people may be able to read it without going "what the fuck?"
Changed the name of the document and it saved just fine.
^ Might I recommend Notebook. I save all my word docs in it, it's the one thing MS got right.
(They blather because they have a script, you can find it online sometimes, that they have to go through. They know less about computers than you probably.)
Thank you, Thuggish, I'll do that.
As soon as the guys next door stop with the scales. They're learning to sing. I think. I had planned on doing more critiques and writing but it's impossible with that "singing" going on. At least they're doing it during the afternoon. :)
I have a trumpet player next door. Isn't it like, "Would it kill you to play a song once in a while? A recognizable song instead of screwing around?"
@Thuggish. IS that a windows 10 function? If I have it I don't know about it. I can always use a point in the right direction for the things that work well. Where do I find it? Thanks Thug. Appreciate it. gsr
I'm having problems finding it myself, @Thuggish, and I have Windows 8.
@helpfulsnowman, I know!!!
@smithey & @Sheri
it's one of the programs in MS office.
PM me if you don't have it.
sympathies on having W8
Jose,
I don't know you well, but in the little time I've been here I've found your posts to be remarkably insightful, even brilliant. Your writerly advice to others isnt just beneficial, it's actively sought. You are one of the people that we hope will review our work.
Re: the fraud thing. It's worse for veterans, obviosly, but it's also common among civilians.I went through it in my late twenties when I had sudden unexpected success in business, a development that nobody would have predicted (least of all me). Unfortunately, I didn't deal with it professionaly, or in any way other than to push it down, and the failure to deal with those emotions messed me up, even to the point of self-sabatoge. If I had that portion of my life back I would definitely address those emotions directly, via a professional.
Coincidetally, I'm quite familiar with the lyrics of Bruce Springsteen, and therefore somewhat familiar with his personal journey. I can tell you factually that as succesful as he is, he's battled severe depression—and been in therapy—most of his adult life. The interesting thing about that is that Springsteen, unlike virtually every other rock star on the planet, has never been a druggie. In fact, he claims to have never even smoked a joint, and his friends and family back that claim up. Personally, I don't believe that he's never smoked a joint, but do believe that drugs, even marijuana, have played NO role in his life. The point being: it's easy to assume that a rich rock star's issues are drug related, but in Springsteen's case they're not. His issues are about class and his father, as well as some pure genetic factors.
I guess I just typed these things to say I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling that way, can relate, and am hoping that you deal with it directly, via a professional, rather than doing what I did, which was nothing.
Well I hit my goal yesterday morning. Now I'm going for gravy...
Woo!
@ kadzie
I appreciate it. I really do. I hope to get back into the workshop and write some more reviews, but my MFA starts this week and I'm not sure how busy I'll be. But I'll do my best to spread new things I learn.
I agree with Kedzie, Jose. You’re brilliant! If I see you post on something, I always stop and check it out.
I have depression, PTSD, anxiety, and ADHD-PI (which is a long acronym that just means I have trouble paying attention to stuff without the added bonus of having lots of hyperactive energy). I’ve been in inpatient care twice and partial-hospital outpatient programs a couple of times also, once because I wanted to kill myself, and the other times mostly because I weighed 79lbs and/or couldn’t function as a person anymore. I go to the most expensive private college in my state on scholarships. In total, I've had to take a year and a half off of school here and there due to my health. I’m often at the top of my class, but I feel like a fraud and a total failure half of the time. The rest of the time, I feel like an alien or I’m just comfortable because I'm too distracted to be self-reflective. When it comes to writing, I constantly wrestle with wanting to burn everything I've written and never write a word again.
The stigma around mental illness is complicated. One of the ways it manifests is that we’re uncomfortable with any mention of the subject; it feels taboo. This makes it difficult to talk about in several ways, a couple of which are that the sufferers feel vulnerable, inappropriate, and even ashamed when they talk about their conditions, and I think that others also end up feeling nervous and afraid to say anything inappropriate or to pry at all when the subject comes up. It gets swept under a polite little rug, where it sits and festers. Getting ignored and labeled an impolite subject is stigmatizing and marginalizing. Stigma about illness makes it feels like your entire identity is unclean in some way and doesn’t belong in the normal, everyday world of an upstanding private university or a nice job, like you’re a fake, impersonating someone else, and either failing or in constant danger of failing at it. When you’re ashamed of something like depression, it’s that much more difficult to seek out help when you are struggling and feeling at the end of your rope. Getting better seems shameful.
I don’t know if that has anything to do with your feelings of fraudulence. I think it’s where a lot of mine come from. The only thing I really know is that stigma compounds the dangers of depression and mental illness, and that, as long as we feel it’s inappropriate to talk about these things, the stigma around them will never go away. When we’re feeling alien, alone, and crazy, it’s important to remember that, statistically speaking, there are others around us everywhere struggling with the same things. We’re not alone at all; just silent and out of sight. The “norm” doesn’t really exist, or if it does, it’s not applicable to the majority of people. It’s more of an absurd standard that the majority of us feel guilty for not measuring up to. We're all frauds, basically, because legitimacy isn't even a real thing.
PS: Kedzie, I'm pretty late to the party but I'm just getting into Bruce. Great stuff.
I've long said that most everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Or, no one's normal once you get to know them.
I hold that there is no such thing as normal outside of mathematics. There is no such thing as perfect. There are no flawed people. There are just people. They do things and we either like it or we don't.
To say that someone is flawed is a judgement call. It is another way of saying, "Hey, you shouldn't be doing that and I think you should change." The only problem is there is no basis for the claim. Evolution isn't done with the human species. We are just a stop on the continuum.
When you get angry at someone, it is most likely because you wanted them to act a certain way and they didn't. You're pissed because you can't control them. And they are pissed because they can't control you.
Once you let go of the idea of controlling others. To really accept people the way they are. You will cease to be angry over every little thing. There are things that will still upset you. You have instincts. Your body will react in ways that don't jive with your mental understanding. It will be confusing. It will cause anger because it is another understanding that even you have controlling you.
Possession is the root of all human suffering, as one of the Buddhas said. Let go of controlling everything and you will find the peace in your mind you so desperately want.
When you look at the cup at the edge of the desk, recognize, that 10 years, 100, 1,000 years from now, that cup will no longer exist. Appreciate it while it is there, but don't despair when it is gone, for it was always gone.
If someone pisses you off, be happy knowing that they will some day die. If someone makes you happy, be happy knowing that during the briefest of moments, you were there along side them and got to experience them. And they, too, got to experience you.
But I digress, so long as I write I am okay.
And if you want an amazing critique, get one from Bethwenn, that shit will blow your mind.
Yes, Bethwenn's reviews are at a level beyond the stars. First you're hit by the intelligence, then you realize the gift of her time.
Bethween, re: Bruce: I was fortunate to be there from the beginning, back when he was a scrawny little gutter rat nobody that nobody knew. The poetry and artistry of his early years is unsurpassed, and I'm also big into Dylan, Mitchell and Waits, so that's the benchmark. Purists will love those three while scoffing at the mega-succesful Sprucester. Yet Bob, Joni and Tom are themselves huge Brucers, and the purists have no reply to that. I mean, is their hero crazy? Anyway, if you ever wish to discover the older, obscure stuff drop me a PM. There's a treasure trove of spine tingling moments from the early '70's out on Youtube, you just need to know where to look. (Aslo, just remember: the cars are not really cars and the highways are way more than highways) :-)
I do wish their were like and love buttons in this place. So many posts I would like to register appreciation for.
@Kedzie re: Tom Waits. I think it was late sevenites early eighties, my husband and I went to a live B.B. King concert. Opening for him was a skinny little guy that we could barely see under his hat, and we were in the nosebleed seats. He came out, set a beat with his feet and hands and proceeded to absolutely blow our minds with music and poetry. We bought every Tom WAits album we could find, and I suppose our kids must know the lyrics by heart, that and Dylan and Van Morrison and The Band...
We had no idea what Tom WAits even looked like after that concert until we started looking for albums.
He had a neat little MTV video called "In the NEighborhood" a few years later. Absolutely love the guy.
We love you Bethwenn. I have your beautiful review, I can read every day if I want. Packed with loving care. Okay. Happy Labor Day, everyone. Jose I know you will be busy with your MFA but keep us up on what it's all about if you have time. gsr
Bethwenn. Mental Illness is the norm in my family, everywhere you look. Depression is my good old friend, and I can tell you I am not much bothered by it any more, even though it had me by the throat for a few years. Funny thing about it, the sickest person in my family, is probably the most loving and generous person that I know, and he just keeps keepin on, in face of the stigma...the bullshit, the looks that come if he hits a social note just a little wrong, you know what I mean...and each day he works to be healthy, more functional than most of the supposedly "well" people I know. I still cope with major anxiety at times, so that I can have myself wound out into high gear on the end of a kite string, but mostly I just cut myself loose and flutter and tatter until I land in a tree or something. I'm kind of used to that crash landing. I usually land on my feet any more. I just have to look around and beg anyone's pardon, if I landed on their head on my way down. ok. Had no idea I was going to talk about that. ok enough. Night all.
Gail,
I met my wife at a Halloween party in Urbana, IL, 1975.
I saw her in the backyard kicking a log that was sticking out of the firepit. There were 5 guys around her in a semi circle, each vying for her attention. 5 to 1 was pretty good odds for the U of I—which at the time was an engineering and agriculuture school with liberal arts as an afterthought—so I squeazed in and made it six.
I'd recently seen Bruce Springsteen in support of his breakthrough album: Born To Run. The show had been held at the beautiful and historic Auditorium Theater at Roosevelt University in downtown Chicago, more than a month before the album was released.
I was already dreading having to share Bruce with the world, and especially watching him get labled "The Boss." I hated that moniker. It sounds like he's trying to be Elvis (The King) Presley, when in reality he earned the name by being the guy who paid the band, and therefore the guy who had to collect from New Jersey's burly bar owners, many of whom were mobbed up and inclined to renegotiiate pay rates AFTER the night's performances.
She asked me who I listened to, and when I told her she said: "Oh, I love that guy! His lyrics are crazy!" Keep in mind, few in the Midwest even knew who "that guy" was yet. I aksed who she listened to. She said: "Joni Mitchell and Tom Waits." After picking myself up off the ground we had a long conversation about music.
At some point she asked about my costume (I didn't have one).
"I'm pretending to be a student," I said.
"You mean you're not?" She asked.
"No. Wish I were, but I'm just here visiting friends."
"And going to Halloween parties," she added.
And then she asked, "Well, what do you do?"
I swallowed and told the truth: "I'm a truck driver in Chicago. I deliver eggs and cheese, lots of cheese. And oh yeah! Sometimes I deliver frozen ducks. They're hilarious, because when you drop them on the sidewalk they bounce like Superballs."
She didn't say much after that, and I desperately wanted to change the subject. I mean come on, a truck driver? A college coed? Pffft! I had no shot. The 5 guys drew in closer, grinning, watching me drown.
Noting that she was also sans costume I asked: "So what are you dressed as?"
She smiled and said: "the truck driver's date."
It took me a minute to process her words, another to regain my composure, but ten years and a thousand concerts later our first kid came along, "crying like he'd swallowed the firey moon." His name? Bruce Thomas Kedzie.
(Nooooo, I made that last part up!) :-)
@Kedzie That is a beautiful story. I hope you use it in your writing someday (if you haven't already). My weekly writing goal (since the weekend is now past) is to focus on 1 story and get some serious writing done. I have been outlining and planning 3 separate stories and I just need to pick one and get going. There are also some writing groups near by that I have signed up for recently. My goal is to get enough courage and just go to one of the meetings this weekend. I figure at this point it wouldn't hurt. I crave structure that a group could provide.
Hmm, I'm not sure if evolution is done with the human species or not, but I'm pretty sure that the survival of the fittest aspect is over. At least in the first world.
Dalton, Thanks. I could write it as a straight love story. Or... I could open with a dead body on the floor of one of their apartments (hmm...which one?) and flashback to the party and their seemingly sweet conversation as the explanation of how they arrived at this point. :-)
Good luck with the group thing, lets us know if it was beneficial.
Gail, we'll have to talk Van Morrison someday. And The Band. Big favorites, both.
Romance is the biggest genre in fiction.
Dead body serves as a good hook.
Decisions, decisions...
I'd probably make it two characters' back story that only comes up incidently when you have falling action or a slower point or whatever. That's just me.
Yeah, I agree, it works best that way. In any case I'm not going to do anything with it anytime soon. I have a bunch of way weirder shit that I need to exorcise first.
Wow, thanks! You’re all so kind. :) I'm very glad if I've written anything that was helpful!
It’s wonderful to hear from you guys about your experiences with depression and anxiety too. It makes it all so much less lonely. Thanks for sharing! It feels very important to band together and find commonalities there, because it's such an isolating thing.
Tom Waits is my all-time favorite musician. No joke. I have every album. I adore him. I’m a huge music nerd. I listen to a bit of everything. If it’s got good lyrics or a soulful sound, I’m there. Obscure stuff is great; I’d definitely check out any recommendations I haven't already heard. Lately, I’ve been on a weird music kick involving a mix of Bruce Springsteen, The Rolling Stones, old showtunes, Soviet Union era jazz (Alexander Varlamov is fantastic), and Romanian folk music. I head-hop with my characters and end up listening to music that fits each one, which is why my last.fm page often looks like I have dissociative identity disorder.
@Kedji. Thanks for the story. I tried to respond this morning, but my keyboard went awol. So, I left and took care of my business and then this evening had a chance to read about Urbana and 1975. I met my hub in 1974. He came to town with a Blues band. No one knew what blues was in Spokane in 1974, and they almost starved to death...okay. enough for now. I have to lay down. Tired...Spent the day with my granddaughters and my daughter..Damn. What a good day. gsr
Gail, not long ago I raed a short story collection by a writer from Spokane. It is called We Live in Water and going from memory I thinbk his name was Jess Walther, or Jess Walter. I am unsure of the name but sure of the fact that We Live In Water is a killer collection. A solid A+, every story a winner.
Bethwenn - thanks for mentioning Alexander Varlamov. I love musical reccomendations and always check them out. Funny, the story I told about Urbana, 1975... whether there or in Chicago the Rolling Stones dominated the turntable at every party. When it wasn't Mick and the boys it was Jefferson Airplane, the Dead, or Van Morrison, but the Stones were always dominate. 40 years later, they still dominate. The greatest!
It's Friday!
Any weekend writing goals you'd like to be chided for not making by Monday?
Any weekend reading goals, while we're at it?
Oh shit, we still doing this?
Alright...
Fill in the chapter I largely skipped over. Round out the chapter after that with the thing I decided to do. And put those few paragraphs in the chapter after that.
Go back and establish the antagonist's presence throughout the book. Shouldn't take much.
Move onto the next "draft" and start fixing the things on that list I made.
Aw dammit, and I still need to figure out when to have that one revelation that answers that question that's been around the entire time...
- Do 110 pages of various reading homework for Mon/Tues (mostly film history and Infinite Jest)
- Write 8 page homework assignment for Monday
- Finish making notes for 5 page essay for next week
- Start writing down the bones for scene from chapter 1 of my story that's currently just a draft in my brain tank
- Find time to watch new RuPaul's Drag Race episode before others spoil it for me
- Don't be mean to customers who are mean
- Don't forget to eat
The last one is very important. It's the key to all the others, I think.
Read. Write Critique. Read. Learn. Read.
Watch season three of Penny Dreadful.
Read.
Spend the rest of the weekend recovering from the feeling of laziness and inadequacy from @bethwenn.
Until December Post:
CW 602 (Creative Writing Fiction Workshop): Two 25 pages stories; Read 4 novels; prepare craft essay; write flash fiction story; read two 25 page stories each week and provide thoughtful critiques for each; present self-chosen novel to class (one of the four); attend numerous readings on and off campus. This does not count the reading four to seven short stories additionally assigned each week.
ENGL 605 (Studies in literature and film): Read 6 novels; Read academic essays based on each of the novels; read acadmic essays based on the meta-issues discussed in class; weekly questions to be answered based on reading; Still pending, what we will produce as far as presentations, our own writing assignments, and any additional reading.
Work as Editor for Consequence Magazine. Help create the entire journal for the year. Start to finish of the process.
Work as ESL tutor for two to four classes, attending each class, and allotting 4-6 hours/per class of one-on-one support to the students as they are assigned/scheduled.
Workout with the Collegiate Warrior Athlete Initiative at Boston College every Tuesday and Thursday. Attend post workout classes on health and other random classes (except Tuesday because it interferes with my CW 602 class).
Have personal life. (Haha, just kidding. That's not going to happen.)
Manage to keep up with all my bills. Contnue to develop as a writer. Continue to keep reading fun. Continue to not lose my shit and fall victim to my depression.
That's it. That's all I have to do. How do I do all of that. By starting one project, then moving on to the next, and not focusing on all of it as one giant heap. Just do one thing. Then do another thing. Slow, steady, professional, focused. Methodical.
Thousands, hundreds of thousands maybe, have done it before me. Therefore, I too can achieve and excel.
Fuck adversity. Thrive. Live and thrive.
Guess I'll weigh in. I seem to have some things in common with bethwenn. The stigma is difficult. What ticks me off the most is the ADHD. Along with some other medical problems I've been going thru this year (broken nose, torn rotator cuff, hurt back). And depression is harder to get past when you're hurting. Usually, because of meds, I can move on fairly quickly.
I used to have a fantastic job. Now, not so fantastic. ADHD makes it difficult.
But I live for writing and for some of the people in my life. I've wanted to be a writer since I was a kid. So now I write and rewrite and rewrite over and over but I love doing it. Critiquing is still hard for me but my teachers told me that it will make my own work better. And I do like interacting here. Even tho' I'm sporadic.
I did get some rewriting done this weekend even though I've spent most of it in bed with my back propped up on cardboard. Lots of time to think. And make notes. Ok, I also watched "Antichrist" (bit more OMG!!! than "Melancholia") and some episodes of "Halt and Catch Fire". Enough with the heavy stuff. Time for lighter fare.
Anyway, all these stuffs that I have to deal with in my life most likely influence my writing which is cool with me. There's always something more, some idea that needs examining, some character who insists on my attention, always something to peak my interest.
All these stuffs make us who we are, I guess.
And Windows 8 does suck (the project leader got fired!) but 10 scares me. I liked 7.
^ 7 for the win! 10's better than 8, but I still hate it and hope the people at microsoft get hit by busses.
Why was your back against cardboard?
