Jose F. Diaz's picture
Jose F. Diaz from Boston is reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel March 6, 2012 - 4:52pm

Suzy is killing me in class. She is taking me out of my comfort zone and making me think well outside the box. My mind hurts. I really want to drink, but that isn't going to help me figure it out. FML!

Americantypo's picture
Americantypo from Philadelphia is reading The Bone Clocks March 6, 2012 - 5:09pm

Good luck to my opponent in round one, Liana. May the best writer win

Americantypo's picture
Americantypo from Philadelphia is reading The Bone Clocks March 6, 2012 - 5:15pm

SIKE! I hope your typewriter gets AIDs and you cant write your story!

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 6, 2012 - 5:44pm

Typewriter AIDS is a pretty good one - cheers.

Bekanator's picture
Bekanator from Kamloops, British Columbia is reading Ugly Girls by Lindsay Hunter March 6, 2012 - 7:08pm

um, just read the prizes. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING, a hundred bucks off a class!  Honestly my dream.
I don't understand the point in seeding, it seems like you paired one obvious winner v. one obvious loser (me). But I will have you guys know, I have won more "best effort" or better yet "most improvement" athletic awards than any of you.

A hundred bucks of a class would be rad, considering that all my cash as of late has been going toward heating bills and renovating.  That said, Rach, I'm looking forward to the battle.  The very least any of us will be getting out of this WAR is one story that we can work on improving, which is a hell of a lot better than, you know, dying.

Chester Pane's picture
Chester Pane from Portland, Oregon is reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz March 6, 2012 - 7:26pm

What's all this about tough clits, jumblies, girls not having balls, toyboys, nutrisweet, corpse rape, who's on whom tight pantsed chick bandied puff-n-stuff.

Did someone say there was going to be a bar?

Wow. The LR swag is shaggy. 

Renfield's picture
Renfield from Hell is reading 20th Century Ghosts March 6, 2012 - 7:54pm

This should be easy. Have fun sucking, everyone.

Utah's picture
Moderator
Utah from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry March 6, 2012 - 7:57pm

I'd rather not suck everyone.  I may have good stamina, but I also have self-respect.

Chester Pane's picture
Chester Pane from Portland, Oregon is reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz March 6, 2012 - 8:01pm

Rennie cheer down.

You are way too jolly.

You're making my jumblies hurt.

 

Utah's picture
Moderator
Utah from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry March 6, 2012 - 8:06pm

Strategy.  I like this.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 6, 2012 - 8:06pm

Rach - that's not bad. 

Lots of great techniques here.  Rach is impersonating, Utah is sucking everyone, Chester is...doing what it is Chester does.

Liana's picture
Liana from Romania and Texas is reading Naked Lunch March 6, 2012 - 8:09pm

Americantypo, my typewriter always wears a condom.

Utah's picture
Moderator
Utah from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry March 6, 2012 - 8:11pm

Hey, I believe I was pretty specific in my assertion that I would not be sucking everyone.  It will be a clearly defined list, with boundaries.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 6, 2012 - 8:13pm

Will the list be limited to the people you are competing against, or only those voting? 

Should I construct some sort of poll?

Utah's picture
Moderator
Utah from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry March 6, 2012 - 8:14pm

It might be a good idea, because at the moment I'm not entirely certain who to suck. 

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 6, 2012 - 8:17pm

Ah, so should the choices be...opponents, voters, and then...other?  I need a focus group here. 

Jose F. Diaz's picture
Jose F. Diaz from Boston is reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel March 6, 2012 - 8:19pm

It is going to be a very long week for you Utah. You have no clue what I am capable of when I actually try. And have no doubt, I will be trying.

Chester Pane's picture
Chester Pane from Portland, Oregon is reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz March 6, 2012 - 8:20pm

I am thinking about girl balls and jumblies.

Actually, all day at work I was thinking about the girl balls question.

Girls have balls but in order to reach them you really have to stretch your tongue with all your might. Or use some sort of probing instrument. Ideally one with a fleshlight on the end for good night vision.

@Nikki: Do you mean you signed up for the workshop?

Chester Pane's picture
Chester Pane from Portland, Oregon is reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz March 6, 2012 - 8:23pm

@Avery: You should construct some sort of pole for this whole sucking exercise.

Jose F. Diaz's picture
Jose F. Diaz from Boston is reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel March 6, 2012 - 8:24pm

Chester, do you mean their ovaries? It may take more than a probing instrument.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 6, 2012 - 8:24pm

What sort of pole?  I can make a poll for the pole. 

Chester Pane's picture
Chester Pane from Portland, Oregon is reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz March 6, 2012 - 8:27pm

Something with a fleshlight, ask Nikki, she has one you might be able to borrow. And she likes your jumblies, so you're in.

@Diaz: I think women actually have testicles in their abdomens somewhere.

Jose F. Diaz's picture
Jose F. Diaz from Boston is reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel March 6, 2012 - 8:29pm

It would be an interesting idea. I've been a Corpsman for many years and have never had to study that part of the anatomy. In other words...no, they don't.

Nick Wilczynski's picture
Nick Wilczynski from Greensboro, NC is reading A Dance with Dragons by George R.R. Martin March 6, 2012 - 8:29pm

You do not let someone else borrow your fleshlight. That's rule number one. I think it's printed on the box.

Nikki Guerlain's picture
Nikki Guerlain from Portlandia is reading Necronomicon Book Three March 6, 2012 - 11:29pm

@chester i did sign up for the workshop. i was going to later this spring/summer because i don't have a lot of time for it at the moment but i want to vote so i went ahead. it's probably a good thing anyhow. i enjoy going over other writers' work for them. but as nice as i am, i'm a pretty ruthless editor. i mean, i don't feel like stories are a precious part of someone but are sculpted and can always be better it's just sometimes it's good enough so ... on to the next thing. i'm sure i will be able to ferret out who will and won't benefit from what i have to offer. or i can just do what i did in the cult years ago ... which is wait until people contact me to review their work.

anyhow, yeah. i'm in.

btw, at first i thought you are responding to avery about sucking pole and i was like wtf but it was really funny!

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 6, 2012 - 8:36pm

Oh God.  Utah changed his picture to some scary Punisher skull.  This is so intense.

I don't wanna change my picture. 

Jose F. Diaz's picture
Jose F. Diaz from Boston is reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel March 6, 2012 - 8:39pm

He can have a drawing, but my weapons are real. I'm locked and loaded for real in my pic. I was also on my way to a mass casualty situation in a CH-53. It's too bad that none of that makes be a better writer. lol

Bekanator's picture
Bekanator from Kamloops, British Columbia is reading Ugly Girls by Lindsay Hunter March 6, 2012 - 8:48pm

@Rach - I can probably help you with the third step.  I don't really use perfume, so if you want something that smells like me then you can slather up your computer with the Herbal Essences in the orange bottle.  For some reason that's all people seem to mention when they get up in my personal space.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 6, 2012 - 8:55pm

<---- Can this be war-ish enough?  I'm too full of myself to be out of the picture completely.

Jose F. Diaz's picture
Jose F. Diaz from Boston is reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel March 6, 2012 - 8:59pm

It is distracting and you are using your weapons effectively. It is war-ish enough for me.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 6, 2012 - 9:03pm

Haha!  Awesome.  I'll go back to my sweet wonderful picture after the war.  Or after I get knocked out of that war - one of those.

Chester Pane's picture
Chester Pane from Portland, Oregon is reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz March 6, 2012 - 9:07pm

@Nikki: Very cool. I hope your rip my shit apart in the workshop. I agree with your approach 100%. Yeah, I love the telephone game aspect of these forums. WTF is all the time. I can't imagine what someone who stumbles onto some of these extended conversations thinks. 

@Diaz: No, really, I think they do at birth or something. Or in the womb.

@Avery: If by War-ish you mean War-jumblies. (Thanks Nikki, Now the Jumblies have attached themselves to my tongue).

@Rebecca: Aren't the Herbal Essence commercials the orgasm ones?

Nikki Guerlain's picture
Nikki Guerlain from Portlandia is reading Necronomicon Book Three March 6, 2012 - 9:09pm

Death Match Mode ENGAGED.

Transmission: I will swallow all of your souls and smear your residue all over hell's shit house walls.

//Must

//Suck

//Souls 

End Transmission.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 6, 2012 - 9:09pm

Chester - I think you have it backwards.  All babies are initially female.  Then later they get screwed up sometimes.  Which is why I am pretty certain that IN THE BEGINNING there was only Woman.  And one day a male was born, and he was a genetic mutant, and they probably should have killed him, but the maternal instinct kicked in and now we have War.  The End.

Nick Wilczynski's picture
Nick Wilczynski from Greensboro, NC is reading A Dance with Dragons by George R.R. Martin March 6, 2012 - 9:13pm

So in the beginning women were hermaphrodites? Or asexual? And, in either case isn't gender status of any sort defined in contrast?

I only post this because your picture is distracting me. I always had ideas about those things with the old pic, now I can't stop looking.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 6, 2012 - 9:16pm

"those things"  LOL!

I have no idea.  Let's say asexual, that sounds right.

Jose F. Diaz's picture
Jose F. Diaz from Boston is reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel March 6, 2012 - 9:23pm

Yes, tadpoles to babies and in the development some grow up to fuck shit up and start the wars and others grow up to be fucked up and instigate the wars. 

That's as much leeway as I will give you Avery.

Covewriter's picture
Covewriter from Nashville, Tennessee is reading & Sons March 6, 2012 - 9:43pm

 I just realized who I'm up against. I don't know the people here that well yet so I checked him out. Any chance there are handicaps in this bloody sport -- for beginners? Joking! I'm just happy to get a topic and start on a fresh story. It will be fun and the assignment will give me focus. Also, I've never written transgressive, or read novels by Chuck P -- but I could probably pull out some dark and strange things if needed. We shall see.

Chester Pane's picture
Chester Pane from Portland, Oregon is reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz March 6, 2012 - 9:54pm

I remember now. You guys are right. It isn't testicles that both men and women have.

It's tentacles.

My bad.

Let's make out.

Richard's picture
Richard from St. Louis is reading various anthologies March 6, 2012 - 10:15pm

hey covewriter! if it makes you feel better, i just checked you out today, sister. had to see who i was up against. any given sunday. just write whatever kind of story you want to, doesn't have to be transgressive or full of Chucky P. good luck.

jyh's picture
jyh from VA is reading whatever he feels like March 6, 2012 - 10:23pm

Now that there are prizes, I'm probably never going to get in.

I guess I'll just take all these stories to the New Yorker...  Malcolm Gladwell is going down!!!!

aliensoul77's picture
aliensoul77 from a cold distant star is reading the writing on the wall. March 6, 2012 - 10:25pm

jyh's picture
jyh from VA is reading whatever he feels like March 6, 2012 - 10:28pm

What's that from?

aliensoul77's picture
aliensoul77 from a cold distant star is reading the writing on the wall. March 6, 2012 - 10:42pm

If you don't know, you lose the test!!!!!!!!

Just Kidding.  It's American Werewolf in London.  Best movie EVER!

Nikki Guerlain's picture
Nikki Guerlain from Portlandia is reading Necronomicon Book Three March 6, 2012 - 11:02pm

so hey are there many sci fi buffs here or are y'all a bunch of Palah-niks? Or neither?

Chester Pane's picture
Chester Pane from Portland, Oregon is reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz March 6, 2012 - 11:05pm

I'm everything.

I mean I like every genre.

I like Sci-Fi. I don't know if I am a buff liker though, but I really like it.

aliensoul77's picture
aliensoul77 from a cold distant star is reading the writing on the wall. March 6, 2012 - 11:12pm

I like sci-fi and horror.

if you guys want to come in litreactor chat we are in there now

http://cgiirc.synirc.net/irc.cgi

#litreactor

Bekanator's picture
Bekanator from Kamloops, British Columbia is reading Ugly Girls by Lindsay Hunter March 6, 2012 - 11:16pm

@Chester - Indeed, they were.  Not sure if they still are, though, however that does make me realize that Herbal Essences was totally rocking the "organic" trend way before overpriced hippie food.

Chester Pane's picture
Chester Pane from Portland, Oregon is reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz March 6, 2012 - 11:34pm

Yeah, orgasmic trend. I love those commercials. In France they have them but the women are nude and caressing their breasts with the suds, on normal T.V.

So, you doing some remodeling? We should start a 'Houses' thread or 'Remodeling' thread or something with Renee and whoever else is into houses and whatnot.

Dave's picture
Dave from a city near you is reading constantly March 6, 2012 - 11:39pm