AlexHand's picture
AlexHand from Rhode Island is reading Moby Dick May 16, 2012 - 8:39pm

...and she was married. I'm an idiot for not seeing the ring. That is all.

ReneeAPickup's picture
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ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig May 16, 2012 - 8:50pm

I suppose that's why Husband bought me such a big one...

 

But really, I've found that men check out women's wedding sets much less often than women do. I don't think you're an idiot for not taking stock of all her accesories and jewlery before asking her out AND you probably sent her off walking on clouds, whether she told you it made her feel good or not.

Fylh's picture
Fylh from from from is reading is from is reading is reading is reading reading is reading May 16, 2012 - 9:19pm

What does ask out mean? Like "go on a date" or something more serious?

Profunda Saint-Sylvain's picture
Profunda Saint-... from Calgary, AB is reading Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy Series May 16, 2012 - 9:20pm

Did you ask her out and tell her you're a writer at the same time? Kind of seems like she would just chuck the ring if you did. Writers need groupies.

 

bryanhowie's picture
bryanhowie from FW, ID is reading East of Eden. Steinbeck is FUCKING AMAZING. May 16, 2012 - 9:30pm

I ask out any woman I find attractive.  It took me a few times to not feel bad when I was turned down, but then it became a great freedom to be able to say to another person, "I'm interested in you."  Because that's what I really mean when I ask a woman out.  I want to know about them.  

Then thing that piques my interest might be as superficial as looks or her smile or (with a vet) the way she treated my cat so nicely.  One time, I saw a up a woman's skirt and saw her pussy and fell in love with it and asked her out based on that.  Doesn't matter what does it, I guess.  Being free to tell someone that they interest you is really liberating.

Once, I asked a girl out and she thought about it for a moment and said, "No, thank you."

She was so sweet.  I was happy. 

Dwayne's picture
Dwayne from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updated May 16, 2012 - 10:10pm

Could have been worse. She could have said yes and you not notice the ring ever so you have no clue she is married till hubby is calling, still sandy from Iraq wanting to know why you are calling his wife all the time. Not that I have experince with that or anything...

ReneeAPickup's picture
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ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig May 16, 2012 - 10:12pm

Being honest though, nothing feels quite the same as having someone hit on you when you are unavailable. You did that woman a great service!  When someone hits on me, now that I am married, I don't have to think about it, I don't have to feel bad for saying no, I don't have to worry about who the person is, or anything, I just get to say "I'm married" and walk away feeling flattered, with no weight attached.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters May 17, 2012 - 4:42am

People don't notice rings as much as I thought they would.  When I took off my wedding ring I ran around waving my hands more than normal, because I thought it was a good way to share the news.  I also took random  pictures with my hands in them.  Nothing.  Or people are more polite than I realized.  But I don't think that is the case. 

Utah's picture
Moderator
Utah from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry May 17, 2012 - 5:35am

Cat's outta the bag now!

Thanks, Avery.  Now I can Twitter about it!

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading The Last Thing He Wanted by Joan Didion; Story Structure Architect by Victoria Lynn Schimdt PH.D; Creating Characters by the editors of Writer's Digest May 17, 2012 - 5:35am

The first thing I look for on a woman I am attracted to is the ring. You never know if hubby is lurking around the corner somewhere. If you ask her out and she has a boyfriend, who happens to be there, just say 'sorry man, didn't know she was spoken for. You're a very lucky guy.' Then walk away and find another woman.

Utah's picture
Moderator
Utah from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry May 17, 2012 - 5:43am

The first thing I look for on a woman I am attracted to is the ring.

Me too.  Especially if she's leaving the house.  Because if she's not wearing it I'm like, "So what's his name?"

And she says, "Who?"

And I'm all, "The dude you're stepping out with."

And she says, "I'm going to the grocery store."

And I say, "Without your ring?"

And she says, "It won't fit on my finger..."

"Likely."

"Because I'm pregnant."

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner May 17, 2012 - 5:59am

I think I posted about this in the...whatchamacallit thread. I was talking to her at a wine tasting, thought she was cute, I seemed interested in whatever the hell she was talking about, found out she was married then I realized I was no longer interested in whatever the hell she was talking about. 

There are however people I know who go exclusively for married folks. A friend of a friend is with a married guy and cheating on him with a guy that's engaged. Ugh

Side note: So I have been packing. I have 13 boxes full of books. Why? 

aliensoul77's picture
aliensoul77 from a cold distant star is reading the writing on the wall. May 17, 2012 - 6:24am

Real people are overrated, it is all about sex dolls with voiceboxes that say, "You are the best lover I have ever had" or "Your ex is crazy, your penis is gigantic, it almost doesn't fit in my mouth".

Bekanator's picture
Bekanator from Kamloops, British Columbia is reading Ugly Girls by Lindsay Hunter May 17, 2012 - 7:09am

I get weirded out when guys hit on me now that I'm married.  It doesn't happen often, but I'm just not used to guys coming up to me.

 

Dwayne's picture
Dwayne from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updated May 17, 2012 - 7:19am

Folks who know you in real life and have seen you would probably be hesitant to ask/think it was off for other reasons. Folks looking at pictures probably didn't look that close/thought they were old pics.

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig May 17, 2012 - 9:33am

Avery--I got a new job while in the middle of my divorce. I kind of thought I had dropped all the appropriate hints that we were separated and probably not getting back together, then a guy at work was going through some heavy shit, and due to ex's job thought I could give him the spouse's perspective. So very awkward. He says "Does your husband talk to you about blah blah blah?"..."Uhhh...he doesn't really talk to me at all...uhhh..."

Dave's picture
Dave from a city near you is reading constantly May 19, 2012 - 1:50pm

I have 13 boxes full of books

 

 

 

I had fifteen 18-gallon rubbermaid containers. :p

 

EDIT: in full disclosure, there were movies mixed in to a few of them.

Jack Campbell Jr.'s picture
Jack Campbell Jr. from Lawrence, KS is reading American Rust by Phillipp Meyer May 30, 2012 - 1:03pm

"...and she was married. I'm an idiot for not seeing the ring. That is all."

I'm still waiting to hear if she said yes or not.

I really don't think a ring is going to stop most guys from hitting on a woman, and God knows, I was hit on more when I was married than I ever have been as a single guy. Apparently, it doesn't stop women either.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters May 30, 2012 - 1:09pm

When I was married, I hit on other married men all the time.  Not seriously, but that felt like a safe zone.  Married people can flirt with each other. 

That's my world view.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner May 30, 2012 - 1:16pm

Married people can flirt with each other."
 

Yikes. 

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters May 31, 2012 - 6:00pm

Is...that not correct?

 

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner May 30, 2012 - 1:22pm

lol, again....so....like....oh forget it. 

Laramore Black's picture
Laramore Black from Joplin, Missouri is reading Mario Kart 8 May 30, 2012 - 2:42pm

Nobody ever hits on anyone when they are available it's like some unspoken stigmata. If you're available it is probably for a reason. I've been hit on more while committed than ever while single.

bryanhowie's picture
bryanhowie from FW, ID is reading East of Eden. Steinbeck is FUCKING AMAZING. May 30, 2012 - 2:42pm

I've been hit on more while committed

Mental institutions are a good place to meet chicks.

Laramore Black's picture
Laramore Black from Joplin, Missouri is reading Mario Kart 8 May 30, 2012 - 2:45pm

You know me so well, actually there was this chick that shaved her head and was trying to convince me vampires were real. She gave me her number, I've never called though because I'm awake in the day often.

Jack Campbell Jr.'s picture
Jack Campbell Jr. from Lawrence, KS is reading American Rust by Phillipp Meyer May 30, 2012 - 2:49pm

I appreciated getting flirted with when I was married. It is always nice to get noticed. Although Murphy's Law says it never happens as much when you are single.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner May 30, 2012 - 3:14pm

Preselection gents. That's why it seems like you get hit on more when you're with someone. Doesn't mean you're any more or less attractive. Biology is lazy and one reason why people end up with the wrong people.

underpurplemoon's picture
underpurplemoon from PDX June 1, 2012 - 4:24pm

So I rarely ever go anywhere...workaholic...I get hit on by a guy AND a girl, one right after another. Just so you know, the people in Portland are...anyway, I hate temptation. It comes with the desperate need for settling with what's there. The local ladies aren't all that great. Sometimes I wish I was a guy because there are plenty of fish in the sea. My experiences with courtship are slim to none...and thus, I don't know if anyone is hitting on me and I may seem unapproachable.

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human May 31, 2012 - 3:12am

I asked a girl once if she wanted to go to Make-Out-Point and "hold hands". I went to half a base that night.

 

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner May 31, 2012 - 5:23am

LOL @ Panda

OtisTheBulldog's picture
OtisTheBulldog from Somerville, MA is reading The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz May 31, 2012 - 2:20pm

Lots of you mentioning when you "were" married. I was less than 60 days away and called it off. I may or may not of followed that up with a 8 month relationship with a married woman. That flirting started when she was married and I was engaged. The aforementioned safe zone. That safe zone is where dangerous when the playfulness turns to real desire.

Ahhhh....good times!

Anyways, now I constantly scope for the ring. Even today, I was in line behind a beautiful girl at the grocery store and I saw the ring and said, "damn." Guess it doesn't matter - I'm not good at the approaching and asking out. My game is pretty beat. I've had my moments of brilliance, but that's usually been with someone I know and months of mentally wearing them down. I need to be better at the approach. Howie, teach me your ways.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters May 31, 2012 - 2:26pm

"I may or may not of followed that up with a 8 month relationship with a married woman. That flirting started when she was married and I was engaged. The aforementioned safe zone. That safe zone is where dangerous when the playfulness turns to real desire."

This never happens and i don't believe it. 

You can't tell but I have my fingers in my ears and I'm singing really loudly.  Which doesn't stop me from reading...you would think it would stop me from typing...

OtisTheBulldog's picture
OtisTheBulldog from Somerville, MA is reading The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz May 31, 2012 - 2:36pm

Got me to thinking - I should get me a fake ring so I can enter that safe zone again and work my way in. And then after the affair when she's all like, "you don't even have a wife!" I'll be all like "yeah, you're the one cheating" and I'll win because creepy as it is, I'm the Lesser of Two Evils, which is a good place to be when you're behaving badly.

9 bucks a month for all this advice. This place is great!

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters May 31, 2012 - 3:08pm

I just spontaneously started to cry.

It's fine. 

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner May 31, 2012 - 3:17pm

Well this has degenerated into a maelstrom of moral ambiguity and convinced me I should stop caring so much about LR. Kudos Otis for showing me the light. 

 

Side note: I would never marry a woman who behaved like that to begin with, so I guess there is something to be said for screening gents. 

bryanhowie's picture
bryanhowie from FW, ID is reading East of Eden. Steinbeck is FUCKING AMAZING. May 31, 2012 - 3:12pm

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters May 31, 2012 - 3:14pm

But who is the father???

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters May 31, 2012 - 3:26pm

"I would never marry a woman who behaved like that to begin with,"

Well, she's already married.  That's the point. 

Or do you mean you won't marry a woman who thinks it is okay to flirt with other married men? 

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner May 31, 2012 - 3:47pm

Well that, yes. And I would not stay married to a woman who kept that going after we got married or while we were even dating. One thing always leads to another. It is little things that ruin lives. Nor would I expect my wife to put up with it if I did it and I damn sure wouldn't give her an excuse to start. 

My whole thing is: judge people by their actions at the very begriming and you'll have an indication who they will be when you're married and always look for the ring. Not to mention that old adage, "if they cheat with you, they'll cheat on you."

 

OtisTheBulldog's picture
OtisTheBulldog from Somerville, MA is reading The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz May 31, 2012 - 3:35pm

I only respond to posts about rings & tires.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters May 31, 2012 - 4:10pm

Whatever.  You're over thinking that. 

GaryP's picture
GaryP from Denver is reading a bit of this and that May 31, 2012 - 7:47pm

My wife says I have to stop reading this.

Dwayne's picture
Dwayne from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updated June 1, 2012 - 6:06am

I think I was hit on by a married woman yesterday, but I'm not sure.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters June 1, 2012 - 6:08am

If you are not sure, then you were not.

Dwayne's picture
Dwayne from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updated June 1, 2012 - 6:14am

I'm not sure she is married.

Laramore Black's picture
Laramore Black from Joplin, Missouri is reading Mario Kart 8 June 1, 2012 - 6:19am

I'm not sure I support all this adultery unless it is on top of me.

bryanhowie's picture
bryanhowie from FW, ID is reading East of Eden. Steinbeck is FUCKING AMAZING. June 1, 2012 - 6:23am

I think Avery means that married women are rarely subtle.  

You'd know because she'd have her hand in your zipper to shake 'hello'.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters June 1, 2012 - 6:28am

See, I think the definition of flirting is getting skewed. 

Dwayne's picture
Dwayne from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updated June 1, 2012 - 6:33am

It was just awkward. 

Jack Campbell Jr.'s picture
Jack Campbell Jr. from Lawrence, KS is reading American Rust by Phillipp Meyer June 1, 2012 - 6:35am

I would consider it flirting if her hand was in my zipper. At least some form of flirting.

Dwayne's picture
Dwayne from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updated June 1, 2012 - 6:39am

Or a horrible reenactment of There's Something About Mary.