Fylh's picture
Fylh from from from is reading is from is reading is reading is reading reading is reading June 28, 2012 - 4:53pm

Hey baby, can I have your digits? I collect fingers.

Your eyes are amazing. I don't care if you're blind, Jesus, just take a fucking compliment.

Hello, I hear you're insecure! I myself am rather insincere and willing to flatter.

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig June 28, 2012 - 5:08pm

Nice shoes, wanna fuck?

Fylh's picture
Fylh from from from is reading is from is reading is reading is reading reading is reading June 28, 2012 - 5:08pm

HELLO YOUR TITS WOULD LOOK GOOD ON MY PREMATURE EJACULATION

James McArthur's picture
James McArthur from Potato is reading a book June 28, 2012 - 5:11pm

I actually said this one to my girlfriend when we first started dating: Hey, can I put my basalisk in your chamber of secrets?

 

We're still dating more than two years later.

Profunda Saint-Sylvain's picture
Profunda Saint-... from Calgary, AB is reading Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy Series June 28, 2012 - 5:12pm

True Story:

Inebriated Middle Aged "Gentleman": "Those, uh, are some real nice jeans ya got on dere... Where d'ya get  jeans like dat?"

My lovely Hot Girlfriend: "I dunno, Le Chateau?"

I.M.A.G.: "Tell ya what I'mma gunna do. I'mma take ya to dat dere 'Le Chateau', and I'mma buy you NINE pairs a jeans. One fer each day of da week..."

 

 

 

(Sorry for my terrible attempt at talking in drunk Winnipeg slang, but that's as close as I can get via interweb)

J.S. Wright's picture
J.S. Wright from Milwaukee is reading Black Spring June 28, 2012 - 5:39pm

This wasn't a line, I just happened to say it to a really pretty girl that was sitting next to me.
I turned to her and said,

"Quit being so damn cute, you're distracting me from my drinking."

I got a laugh, handshake, a name and a good conversation.

Fylh's picture
Fylh from from from is reading is from is reading is reading is reading reading is reading June 28, 2012 - 5:44pm

Most effective pickup line I ever used was: "Fuck me or I will kill you and your children."

That was a great two minutes.

.'s picture
. June 28, 2012 - 5:50pm

"I like your hair, is it real?"

 

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading The Last Thing He Wanted by Joan Didion; Story Structure Architect by Victoria Lynn Schimdt PH.D; Creating Characters by the editors of Writer's Digest June 28, 2012 - 5:50pm

Guy: wanna go for pizza and sex?
Girl: no.
Guy: fine. We'll skip the pizza.

J.S. Wright's picture
J.S. Wright from Milwaukee is reading Black Spring June 28, 2012 - 5:55pm

Pass a note to her:

Do you think I'm cute?

Yes = Smile
No = Backflip

Fylh's picture
Fylh from from from is reading is from is reading is reading is reading reading is reading June 28, 2012 - 5:59pm

Hey, want to see me keep a straight face after I mention the words "me" and "you" and "sex"?

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig June 28, 2012 - 6:00pm

I think your dad is hot, but you'll do.

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig June 28, 2012 - 6:00pm

That reads way fucking creepier than I meant it to.

Fylh's picture
Fylh from from from is reading is from is reading is reading is reading reading is reading June 28, 2012 - 6:01pm

Do you have a father? If so, will he mind, and if not, how far into your process of sorting your life out are you?

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading The Last Thing He Wanted by Joan Didion; Story Structure Architect by Victoria Lynn Schimdt PH.D; Creating Characters by the editors of Writer's Digest June 28, 2012 - 6:04pm

Guy: I'm gay.

Girl: Yay! You're my new best friend.

Get her drunk on booze, or GHB (your pick), then take her home and fuck her. When she asks you about being gay, tell her no, just happy.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters June 28, 2012 - 6:08pm

I've got a cramp in my vagina.  Would you rub it out for me?

 

 

J.S. Wright's picture
J.S. Wright from Milwaukee is reading Black Spring June 28, 2012 - 6:08pm

.... yep, that one worked on me.

Fylh's picture
Fylh from from from is reading is from is reading is reading is reading reading is reading June 28, 2012 - 6:09pm

Would you like to see why they call me "Mr Practical"?

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters June 28, 2012 - 6:12pm

Courtesy of Renee:

Want to ride me like a horse?

 

(I'm very good at this)

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig June 28, 2012 - 6:16pm

You made that sound like I asked you...which...logistically...

Fylh's picture
Fylh from from from is reading is from is reading is reading is reading reading is reading June 28, 2012 - 6:16pm

HOLY SHIT YOU LOOK JUST LIKE RACHEL FROM MY SENIOR CLASS IN HIGH SCHOOL LISTEN I JUST MET YOU AND THIS IS CRAZY BUT I HAVE A VERY SERIOUS QUESTION TO ASK YOU

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters June 28, 2012 - 6:17pm

For the record, she didn't ask me.

 

Have you seen me naked yet?  Would you like to?

Fylh's picture
Fylh from from from is reading is from is reading is reading is reading reading is reading June 28, 2012 - 6:17pm

Have you seen Brokeback Mountain? Want to pretend we're cowboys? As in like have sex?

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters June 28, 2012 - 6:20pm

Wouldn't you like to be loved by me?

(that's a quote from something)

J.S. Wright's picture
J.S. Wright from Milwaukee is reading Black Spring June 28, 2012 - 6:23pm

Sounds like The Beatles.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters June 28, 2012 - 6:25pm

It isn't.

 

 

J.S. Wright's picture
J.S. Wright from Milwaukee is reading Black Spring June 28, 2012 - 6:27pm

Dammit, what's it from? It sounds familiar.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters June 28, 2012 - 6:30pm

Well, I read it in Revolutionary Road.  But they attribute it to The Petrified Forest, a play that April is in.  And I like the line. 

J.S. Wright's picture
J.S. Wright from Milwaukee is reading Black Spring June 28, 2012 - 6:36pm

I dig it.

Stacy Kear's picture
Stacy Kear from Bucyrus, Ohio lives in New Jersey is reading The Art of War June 28, 2012 - 6:52pm

I pick you! That has worked for me, twice. Best delivered In heels walking decisively across the bar, slightly drunk.

razorsharp's picture
razorsharp from Ohio is reading Atlas Shrugged June 28, 2012 - 7:21pm

Wanna throw half on a bastard?

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading The Last Thing He Wanted by Joan Didion; Story Structure Architect by Victoria Lynn Schimdt PH.D; Creating Characters by the editors of Writer's Digest June 28, 2012 - 7:27pm

^ Okay, that's the best one yet. 

J.S. Wright's picture
J.S. Wright from Milwaukee is reading Black Spring June 28, 2012 - 7:28pm

^^Agreed.

jyh's picture
jyh from VA is reading whatever he feels like June 28, 2012 - 7:46pm

I pick you!

I would totally cold-shoulder that, regardless of the consequences. 

We Pokemon are taken advantage of all too often.  People think they can just walk up and be like, "I choose you!" or "Look what I found: you!" and it's like, "Whatever, girl.  You found me?  I live here!  Now scram before I evolve all over you!"

J.S. Wright's picture
J.S. Wright from Milwaukee is reading Black Spring June 28, 2012 - 9:10pm

I don't know, being picked sounds pretty good.  Kind of like the feeling of getting picked first for basketball.

Only there's sex with a woman involved.  And no basketball.

jyh's picture
jyh from VA is reading whatever he feels like June 28, 2012 - 7:55pm

Well, if you want to get laid instead of spending the rest of the night looking like a jackass, sure.

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig June 28, 2012 - 7:55pm

Yeah, and there is a special something about a girl with a stagger-swagger...or so I've been told.

Stacy Kear's picture
Stacy Kear from Bucyrus, Ohio lives in New Jersey is reading The Art of War June 28, 2012 - 7:58pm

J.Y. I wouldn't pick you ;-)

jyh's picture
jyh from VA is reading whatever he feels like June 28, 2012 - 8:01pm

stagger-swagger

one of the many "special things"

just about anything can be special:

freckles / pure spotless skin

top three buttons open / complete button-up

an easy laugh / only smirks until you've really had to work for it

etc.

jyh's picture
jyh from VA is reading whatever he feels like June 28, 2012 - 8:03pm

@Stacy - Ok, I'll take the girl who winks and smiles all the time instead. 

She looks like this:  ;-)

Be still, my heart...

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading The Last Thing He Wanted by Joan Didion; Story Structure Architect by Victoria Lynn Schimdt PH.D; Creating Characters by the editors of Writer's Digest June 28, 2012 - 8:38pm

I don't know, being picked sounds pretty good.  Kind of like the feeling of getting picked forst for basketball.

Only there's sex with a woman involved. 

- Being picked is nice, but usually the chick's drunk, because it's been standard practice for many, many centuries that the guy chases and courts the girl. More often than not, when her inhibitions have been lowered she will come to us. Which then poses the problem. By the time we get her home she's passed out on the bed with merely a shoe removed, or we're carrying her from the car to the bed. You could still sleep with her, and she could still scream rape in the morning. Your call.

 

J.S. Wright's picture
J.S. Wright from Milwaukee is reading Black Spring June 28, 2012 - 9:16pm

Seems to me you've never been hit on by a attractive woman before. That does happen, you know.

And without the drunken scene and subsequent sleep rape, as you so eloquently put it.

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig June 28, 2012 - 9:19pm

I've actually only ever slept with one guy I met at a bar, and he was a friend of a friend who I dated for awhile before getting to sex. But I've never really trolled the bar singles scene.

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading The Last Thing He Wanted by Joan Didion; Story Structure Architect by Victoria Lynn Schimdt PH.D; Creating Characters by the editors of Writer's Digest June 28, 2012 - 9:25pm

Oh, you mean outside of a club where the woman isn't pouring Patron down her throat while falling off the bar in 4 inch heels? Then yes. Yes I have. I just prefer to have the woman I'm talking to standing, coherent and able to hold a conversation.

Sleep rape. You make it sound so much worse than it already is.

J.S. Wright's picture
J.S. Wright from Milwaukee is reading Black Spring June 28, 2012 - 9:35pm

Bitterness or pseudo-edginess, I'm not sure which one I'm dealing with at the moment.

Either way, I've officially lost interest in this conversation with you. 

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading The Last Thing He Wanted by Joan Didion; Story Structure Architect by Victoria Lynn Schimdt PH.D; Creating Characters by the editors of Writer's Digest June 28, 2012 - 9:38pm

I'm sorry to hear that. I was having fun. I wouldn't call it bitterness or pseudo-edginess. Just fact.

Jose F. Diaz's picture
Jose F. Diaz from Boston is reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel June 28, 2012 - 10:05pm

"Hi, I'm (insert name here). What's your name?"

Followed by actual conversation and alcohol.

To close the deal:

"Look, this is all cool and everything, but I'm thinking we ditch this place and go to your place."

It's direct, simple, and fucking WORKS!!! And always their place because you get to choose when you leave if she doesn't kick you out first. That and women are usually more comfortable in their own place. 

Limbless K9's picture
Limbless K9 from Oregon is reading Wraeththu June 29, 2012 - 12:03am

It's really cold out here. Could I use your thighs as ear muffs? 

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner June 29, 2012 - 1:11am

Either way, I've officially lost interest in this conversation with you."

 

I was wondering when someone would get butt hurt about this thread. Careful Jeff, Moony is a professional. Besides- who actually uses pickup lines? 

 

Also it's going to be 104 today. 

Grigori Black's picture
Grigori Black from US is reading Radium Girls by Amanda Gowin June 29, 2012 - 3:13am

Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you?

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters June 29, 2012 - 4:46am

"Seems to me you've never been hit on by a attractive woman before. That does happen, you know."

Of course it does!  Didn't anyone read my pickup lines?  I can only deliver the vagina cramp line while sober.  (as an aside, I came up with that one because a pregnant friend was complaining about her cervix)

"And without the drunken scene and subsequent sleep rape, as you so eloquently put it."

That made me laugh.  I'm going to try and work "sleep rape" into a conversation today.

Speaking of which, any time someone says they work third shift, I assume they are rapists.