PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human April 16, 2012 - 12:44pm

(It's a joke, don't take this seriously, or should you?)

Post all your made up(real) consipracy stories here.

Is Barack Obama secretly a time-travelling Nazi?

Is Trebek, from Jeopardy, a robot?

Was Paul Mccartney killed and a fake one put in his place?

Are the Iluminati really a coverup for the Patriots?

Is Paula Deen really a threat to humanity? She is.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner April 16, 2012 - 1:31pm

Two conspiracy guys at work think I am a reptile because I share a blood line with the Merovingians (see David Icke.) It does lend credence to my whole unquestioned ruler of the world aspirations. They have literally asked me if I have an invitation to Denver international airport. I keep telling them it wouldn't be such a bad thing if the world ended which only cements their suspicions. 

 

Below is one of the delightful murals at said airport BTW

 

 

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters April 16, 2012 - 1:31pm

Only Matt would think he is his own conspiracy theory.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner April 16, 2012 - 1:33pm

It is tempting, but I don't have a forked tongue or slip my eyes....they keep watching though...

aliensoul77's picture
aliensoul77 from a cold distant star is reading the writing on the wall. April 16, 2012 - 2:27pm

I think litreactor is a psychological experiment run by aliens to see if writers can exist peacefully or devour each other with cleverness.

aliensoul77's picture
aliensoul77 from a cold distant star is reading the writing on the wall. April 16, 2012 - 2:29pm

I also think matt and avery are the same person. dave is a gameshow host and Panda really is a Panda that learned how to type.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner April 16, 2012 - 2:36pm

I also think matt and avery are the same person"

 

Nah, I'm prettier than her. 

 

Dave is the new host of Double Dare, didn't you know?

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner April 16, 2012 - 2:44pm

Also, 

 

 

 

I am also pretty sure you're not gay and are just an undercover agent working for the 700 Club. Pudgy, married white guy AND gay? No. Not possible. 

Nick Wilczynski's picture
Nick Wilczynski from Greensboro, NC is reading A Dance with Dragons by George R.R. Martin April 16, 2012 - 2:47pm

Sometimes I think there is a chat room conspiracy, involving IRC.

aliensoul77's picture
aliensoul77 from a cold distant star is reading the writing on the wall. April 16, 2012 - 2:52pm

I still think Nick is a Russian spy.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner April 16, 2012 - 2:53pm

I could see that. 

Typewriter Demigod's picture
Typewriter Demigod from London is reading "White Noise" by DeLilo, "Moby-Dick" by Hermann Mellivile and "Uylsses" by Joyce April 16, 2012 - 2:57pm

I somtimes think that all of you guys are my hallucinated subconcious:

when I pass out or when I'm high or drunk I log in as you guys and post and dont remember any of it. Everyone except for courtny and aylee are not real.

 

Also, "9/11 was an inside job"...was an inside job...was an inside job That is to say, that people who implanted the idea that 9/11 was in inside job....were part of the government....and were part of a secret dept. in the government, that only the president knows about.   INSIDE JOBCEPTION

Nick Wilczynski's picture
Nick Wilczynski from Greensboro, NC is reading A Dance with Dragons by George R.R. Martin April 16, 2012 - 3:10pm

In High School they used to call me "The Russian" because I was into weightlifting and people thought I looked like Ivan Drago.

Я не знаю все о России. Я польский.

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human April 16, 2012 - 3:14pm

Every Baldwin brother is just a clone of Alec.

aliensoul77's picture
aliensoul77 from a cold distant star is reading the writing on the wall. April 16, 2012 - 3:28pm

Courtney Love died in the 90s and was replaced by a drag queen with herpes.

Dorian Grey's picture
Dorian Grey from Transexual, Transylvania is reading "East of Eden" by John Steinbeck April 16, 2012 - 3:35pm

Hitler never died, he faked his suicide and he now owns a small convenience store in Argentina. I saw him.

Dorian Grey's picture
Dorian Grey from Transexual, Transylvania is reading "East of Eden" by John Steinbeck April 16, 2012 - 3:35pm

Hitler never died, he faked his suicide and he now owns a small convenience store in Argentina. I saw him.

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human April 16, 2012 - 3:37pm

Courtney love is a cybernetic android drag queen.

She is from a future where an evil coporation plans to destroy famous bands.

Yoko Onno was their first android.

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human April 16, 2012 - 3:38pm

Did you make contact with him?

I believe you 100% along with everyone's theories.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner April 16, 2012 - 3:44pm

The fucked up thing is, it's possible. There were several U-Boats that went there after the war carrying higher up Nazis where they lived until the Mossad hunted them all down (along with here in the US, operation Paper Clip is an example).....and, Argentina was run by fascists....and the Soviets never found his body or Eva Brauns....plus he was known to use body doubles and in the last couple months his appearance....however that is attributed to severe drug use. 

 

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner April 16, 2012 - 3:47pm

Also, current Western medicine is bull shit. What was the last real thing we cured? Polio? Small Pox? We always seem to be on the verge of a breakthrough, and it never comes....why? There is more money in treatments than cures....spend a lifetime buying pills to treat symptoms, or buy one pill and never have to worry again.....mmhmmm

Or

In the words of the Wu Tang Clan, "Cash rules everything around me, CREAM, Get the money, dollar, dollar bill y'all. 

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human April 16, 2012 - 3:49pm

If it wasn't for him we wouldn't have freeways or the toaster.

Hitler was evil though.

Well, if they did easily cure everything they wouldn't make money.

It isn't about helping people. It's about making a profit.

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human April 16, 2012 - 3:52pm

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner April 16, 2012 - 3:54pm

55 million men and women died because of that son of a bitch. Evil is an understatment. 

 

If it wasn't for him we wouldn't have freeways or the toaster."


Or men on the moon....rockets, space shuttle, medical science, genetics....it really is fucked up that the US government made a deal with the devil to beat the Soviets. It's even more screwed up that's even out in the open and no one gives a shit. 

Operation Paperclip was the Office of Strategic Services (OSS) program used to recruit the scientists of Nazi Germany for employment by the United States in the aftermath of World War II (1939–45). It was conducted by the Joint Intelligence Objectives Agency (JIOA), and in the context of the burgeoning Soviet–American Cold War (1945–91); one purpose of Operation Paperclip was to deny German scientific knowledge and expertise to the USSR[1] and the UK[2] and to (divided) Germany itself. LINK

jyh's picture
jyh from VA is reading whatever he feels like April 16, 2012 - 4:27pm

The reptile rulers are my favorite conspiracy. 

Also the one about reddit being a farm for stumped comedy writers.  What a bunch of ninnies.

Dorian Grey's picture
Dorian Grey from Transexual, Transylvania is reading "East of Eden" by John Steinbeck April 16, 2012 - 4:54pm

Unicorns did exist. However, they were hunted and brutally slaughtered by the natives of the land, so they retreated to the ocean where, over time, they adapted to their new underwater habitats. They are known today as 'narwhals'. The government has kept this under wraps so they may hunt the few remaining pure unicorns for themselves.

wickedvoodoo's picture
wickedvoodoo from Mansfield, England is reading stuff. April 16, 2012 - 5:49pm

Unicorns didn't become narwhals. The entire unicorn species hit puberty then got fat and developed a skin condition and turned into rhinos.

Christ, man, everyone knows that. Heh.

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human April 16, 2012 - 5:44pm

@Wicked/Dorian

Hahahaha

Bracchos's picture
Bracchos from Albuquerque is reading Translated Woman April 16, 2012 - 6:16pm

According to someone, I am the Antichrist because I began my first job on June 6, 2006 (666), and after a few weeks I was the floor manager for the music section. 

Grigori Black's picture
Grigori Black from US is reading Radium Girls by Amanda Gowin April 16, 2012 - 9:11pm

I'm my own conspiracy theory (Abridged version):

1994:

Lifeguard: He's not breathing. He's gone.

Me (2 minutes later): <*cough*>

1996:

EMT: No pulse, no respiration. Pupils dialated. He's gone.

Me (after being dropped by EMT as they pulled me out of the wreck): "FUCK!"

1998:

Doctor: This is the strangest thing I've seen yet. Blood Types can't change. You should probably be dead.

Me: Heh.

2001:

Mechanic: Holy shit, did you see that? Shit, he's not breathing. Somebody get a medic. 

Me: (after being electrocuted) <*cough*>

2004:

Radio Operator: Holy shit, he's hit. Two November is down! Repeat, Two November is dead.

Me: (Ears ringing). Get up! Get moving!

2009:

Team Lead: The Station took a direct hit, where's the rest of the team? 

Asst: We're short two personnel. Who was inside still?

Me: "FUCK!"

2010:

Doctor: The test results are back, we can start treatment immediately. A few more months undiagnosed and you'd have slipped into a coma or suffered heart failure. You're lucky. You should be dead.

Me: Yeah, I get that a lot. 

2012:

TBD

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner April 17, 2012 - 2:04am

LOL @ Voodoo

Typewriter Demigod's picture
Typewriter Demigod from London is reading "White Noise" by DeLilo, "Moby-Dick" by Hermann Mellivile and "Uylsses" by Joyce April 17, 2012 - 6:41am

grigori...you're shitting us, right?

Grigori Black's picture
Grigori Black from US is reading Radium Girls by Amanda Gowin April 17, 2012 - 7:04am

Nope. 

Eventually someone important is going to get tired of me, then something like this will happen:

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner April 17, 2012 - 7:49am

Well this is new. The conspiracy guys at work think Tupac is actually alive, they said there is no way the hologram they made of him is CGI (because it's way too 'real') and therefore it is only further evidence that he faked his own death. 

 

Also, they have been saying for months that frakking causes earthquakes and 'sky noises' (see below) and now the USGS has come out and said it is possible and they think they're lying. 

Profunda Saint-Sylvain's picture
Profunda Saint-... from Calgary, AB is reading Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy Series April 17, 2012 - 1:17pm

There's an unmarked white van with no windows outside my house. It's been there over a month. My pizza never got here, either.

I think my pizza delivery boy's hatchback was swallowed by the white van and he is currently being held in contempt of society for trying to deliver a pizza that is both vegetarian and contains meat.

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks April 17, 2012 - 1:25pm

Instead of believing that I was adopted, I used to think my dad was Jesus's twin (my dad was born on Christmas) but I got the stories of Job and Jesus mixed up, so I technically thought he was Job.

That led me to think I was part of a government experiment to see how well a sixteen year old could fend for herself after a decade of lessons from Job in drug dealing, stealing food, and keeping a family of four afloat in shitty circumstances. I was stoned when I realized it. Think "Conspiracy Keanu."

Liana's picture
Liana from Romania and Texas is reading Naked Lunch April 17, 2012 - 8:23pm

I believe you Grigori! In fact, wasn't your story that got published in Interstice about some of those experiences? (I couldn't resist finally reminding you where you may have heard of me, seeing that you probably forgot, ha!).

Grigori Black's picture
Grigori Black from US is reading Radium Girls by Amanda Gowin April 17, 2012 - 10:52pm

I hadn't forgotten. The Intersice story was very loosely based off an experience. The story I put into the "In Search of a City: Los Angeles in 1000 Words" was also drawn from another experience. I probably should steer clear of the 'Write what you know' idea. I'm getting in the habit of letting too much information about me slip through the cracks.

aliensoul77's picture
aliensoul77 from a cold distant star is reading the writing on the wall. April 17, 2012 - 10:53pm

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human April 18, 2012 - 12:07am

Peppermints have risen and they will destroy us all.

 

Grigori Black's picture
Grigori Black from US is reading Radium Girls by Amanda Gowin April 18, 2012 - 2:03am

That's why I strive to make the world safer, one mint at a time.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner April 18, 2012 - 3:14am

@Meat, no wonder you're hungry! 

@Courtney, I could say that. 

@Alien....cliche

@Panda and Black....I could see that. 

@Everyone, I watched a documentary on Science called: "Are we going extinct." the answer was yes. Also, now they have designer baby clinics, was anyone else aware of this? You pick eye color, intelligence, gender, everything! WTF! 

XyZy's picture
XyZy from New York City is reading Seveneves and Animal Money April 18, 2012 - 3:59am

 

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner April 18, 2012 - 4:05am

I've been getting up at 4am since I was in high school.....including now and even on my days off....I wonder what that says about me...maybe I'm Illuminati or something....or just really tired. 

Liana's picture
Liana from Romania and Texas is reading Naked Lunch April 18, 2012 - 7:38am

Ah, I don't want to get into the conspiracy theories that people really believe in. I've  had horrible fights with my family about 9/11.

Typewriter Demigod's picture
Typewriter Demigod from London is reading "White Noise" by DeLilo, "Moby-Dick" by Hermann Mellivile and "Uylsses" by Joyce April 18, 2012 - 11:00am

@Matty

I lol'd

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks April 18, 2012 - 11:50am

I read somewhere that waking up at 3:33 makes you vulnerable to possession and I woke up at exactly that time every day for a week. I almost wondered if my parents put a silent alarm in my room somehow. It terrified me.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters April 18, 2012 - 11:57am

Or perhaps you're clocks were not exactly correct.  And it was really 3:32. 

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner April 18, 2012 - 11:58am

That is kind of creepy, watch The Fourth Kind, I think all those people wake up 3am if memory serves. Creepy movie. 

Also- 

 

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human April 18, 2012 - 12:03pm

Profunda Saint-Sylvain's picture
Profunda Saint-... from Calgary, AB is reading Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy Series April 18, 2012 - 12:56pm

Hahaha Matt that Ancient Aliens guy cracks me up every time. He kind of reminds me of an Oompa Loompa.