Hey, what does a normal well adjusted healthy in both body and mind unstraight boy DO when he's asked if he licks the shit off his bf's dick? When he's asked if he feels guilty after fucking, or when he's asked if he knows that God hates him and he's going to hell? Would it be a completely OK and normal reaction to hurt the asker of these questions badly, or...what?
idk, I'm just feeling a little down about that, and I want to do something back. The thing is, the bastard who says this shit is just over six foot and I'm like five seven. He's all muscle, no compassion, little brain. I'm lots of compassion and brain, but lacking in muscle. Please. I need some help on this one.
TD
Forgive.
I can see why it's upsetting. He sounds like a douche. But if you let him get to you, and you spent your time agonizing over it, he wins. Even if you beat the shit out of him, he wins. So do what he can't, and forgive him, with all the cruelty that forgiveness entails.
Spread a nasty rumor about him.
pity him - he's got problems.
Yes, but forgiving and pitying, they aren't proactive. He won't stop if I pity him. He'll laugh and think I want to fuck him if I forgive him. I think that I'm going to take a deep breath and ignore him, but if it happens again, I'll really hurt him.
Write him into a story and make bad things happen....
Without knowing your relationship with this odious monstrosity, it's hard to offer any kind of advice. Granted you are seething, but if you can't cut this person out of your life, then you have to find the means of dealing with him. You can't change him, you can only change yourself.
Revenge just sets up a cycle that does no one a bit of good (if Shakespeare has taught me anything).
It doesn't sound like discussing it is going to get you anywhere, so what's left?
Dude's got issues. And it's none of his damn business for crying out loud. Just ignore them. If you can cut him out of your life, then do it. They'll get the hint sooner or later. Thinking that "Oh it's because you *want* to fuck me" is immature and the best you can do is be the bigger person.
(then again, I'd like to see *his* face when you tell him: so what about it? you want some? *giggles* Some people like that are just really closeted lol... <-- okay, that's not good advice at all. don't listen to this!!! :P)
@ pp Our relationship is that I'm indifferent to his existance, and he treats me like a leper; he thinks I am disgusting, but shows this subtley. He's the approximate of CAPTIAN OF THE FOOTBALL TEAM; loads of friends (around 1200 fb friends), sex obsessed, just a general asshole. I am the freakish gay boy (WHICH I AM NOT, i like both ) with very few friends and who writes...
@Kate, people here don't understand a thing called privacy. Here, people think your sex life is bragging material, not something you privately think about. If you say something once a year ago, people still think you say the same thing three years from now. It's high school. What the hell do you expect? And...nah, he's not my type, I go for cutsey-girly boys.
cut him out of your life - cast him into the abyss and be done with him. There's nothing to be salvaged.
as I was wisely reminded "what people think of you is none of your business."
Do you want social advice or anti-social advice? Forgive him, and yes, cut him out of your life. Tell him to fuck off. Otherwise you're asking us for permission to hurt him, which we can't give, and which would probably land him in hospital and you in jail. You will not like jail if you don't like being taunted for these things.
Shrug it off.
My mother likes to forward chain emails, so I get a lot of them, there is a story about an old donkey who gets stuck in a hole and the farmer is like "well he can't get out, screw it, I'ma bury him" and so he starts filling the hole in with dirt. The donkey shrugs off the dirt as it lands on his back and keeps stepping up onto the new piles of dirt until he gets out of the hole.
Look, I got the shit kicked out of me a lot in middle and high school, frankly I don't like the way that the gay community thinks it has cornered the bullying market. Let me tell you God's honest truth: That kid would make fun of you no matter what your sexual orientation and no matter how little D&D you play. If you go into the situation with an insecure "prey" vibe then you will find predators and they will not be scared of you. You can't let them see when they hurt your feelings, you can't give them the satisfaction. If they knock you down and kick you in the stomach then just let them and then stand up and shrug it off, walk away like nothing happened. Nothing is more troubling to a bully than someone who no longer gives a fuck about what they say or do.
And if you do feel like you need to be confrontational for some reason then don't go straight after the bully, the notion of "spreading nasty rumors" is a bit much for me, but you have to understand the power of onlookers in this situation. If you form more strong relationships with other peers to help you deal with this problem then it would probably be a more positive step in this direction. You don't need to spread nasty rumors about him, from the story you have told it is pretty clear that he is a total dick, why bother making shit up?
@nkwilczy this happened during a lunch period. Do you know what happened? The other people at the table, who are my....kinda friends, they said nothing. They probably knew that I was not enjoying what this fuck was saying to me, and they looked on, and did nothing. Friends no more.
That is tough man, and trust me, I've been there, onlookers never helped me either. Anderson Cooper just started talking about it the other night while I was flipping through channels and that was the main point he made.
Honestly, my solution was just to ignore the shit, never give them any satisfaction of a response no matter what they did, and it kind of petered out by the time I was 15. Of course, I mean, it left me a paranoid and bitter 15 year old, but that's a whole separate issue you will have to deal with.
You could also, say, if he's so interested in your private activities, offer to give him a demonstration.
When he asks you about BJs and shit just be like "No, I'm the dominant one, I fuck dudes up the ass, if you want to know more about how it feels meet me in the bathroom later."
He won't show, hell, if you start to get all touchy and grabby on him when he gets in your space I guaruntee he won't know what to do.
I mean, if that's the angle he wants to take then go for it, and go for it with full gusto. Just treat him with the objectification and disrespect that a straight man would generally show towards a woman.
Phil and postporno are wise. Listen to them.
When people confront me with really inappropriate questions about personal issues they don't understand, I just ask them an equally inappropriate and personal question about them right back, or, if I don't feel creative and confrontational, simply tell the person they're being bizarrely inappropriate and disgusting.
I don't understand where they're asking you these things that you can't simply just walk away, though. If it's a work/school environment, there are people you can report this sort of harassment to if it continues. Otherwise, do your best just to avoid and ignore them.
I realize this is pretty hypocritical advice but you asked what a normal, healthy response would be, so yeah!
Violence is never the answer.
Unless the question is "What's never the answer?". In which case...
(then again, I'd like to see *his* face when you tell him: so what about it? you want some? *giggles* Some people like that are just really closeted lol... <-- okay, that's not good advice at all. don't listen to this!!! :P)
I disagree entirely. The ability to self-deprecate displays the utmost in self-confidence, and an unwavering comfort in who you are. The thing is, it depends on whether you, TD, are comfortable enough within yourself to pull this off - if you're not, forget about it entirely. And I do mean entirely - just ignore this guy and don't react; it makes you the better person. But if you are confident enough to do it, then have some fun with it - fuck with the guy's head. Most bullies are full of shit - if you confront them, they shrink - but be aware that this guy might get violent, so tread carefully.
As for this being high school and people remembering things, let me share with you a piece of advice. No one gives a shit about high school when it's over. The fundamental thing is, do what makes you happy. Don't change who you are for anyone.
Ben's right. No one gives a damn about high school after it. It is, for most people, one of the most miserable part of their life. You'll move on, you'll find other things more interesting and worthwhile to do. You have a whole life ahead of you, don't let those who are ignorant and close-minded decide who you can be. Be who you WANT to be.
There's a quote that I really like that this situation brings to mind:
"Don't focus on the 2% of the population that doesn't like you. When you go to the park for a picnic, you don't sit next to the one pile of dog shit."
Dude has issues. He may even be transferring them onto you because he can't come to terms with whatever's going on inside him.
You need to get the situation onto your terms, and you do that by confronting it. All that means is to take action and display confidence in whatever that action is. The situations where people blow up or implode is because they don't confront the situation; confronting it returns power to you. Just be smart about it and stand your ground. He'll realize that it's not fun to tease someone who stands up for themselves and he'll find someone else to bother.
And maybe in twenty years, he'll realize that he's living a lonely, immature existence and wake the fuck up.
Don't ask me, high school was the absolute worst time of my life. This was in the early 90's and people were still very ignorant of sexuality and I had so many people talking shit about me and threatening to kick my ass. There is a reason there is all these "It gets better" campaigns in America. Kids are literally killing themselves because they get bullied so much about their sexuality and some of them aren't even gay. If you don't fit this stereotype of masculinity or femininity, you are open to ridicule. It's because kids in high school are so effing insecure that they can't help but take their insecurities out on other people. I don't know if kids will ever be nice in high school. It seems like they are all jerks. No offense to you but I mean most teenagers seem like they are dicks. Even I was kind of a moody jerk. But these days they are pretty damn bold, I'm in my 30's and I'll still run into teenage kids at the mall or something and they will act like smartasses to my face. No matter how old you get there will always be bullies.
I'm more of an antisocial asshole, rather than a moody jerk. I some of my really close friends I haven't met IRL. and tbh, I prefer talking online to people .
@Raelyn
Am I the only one who finds the concept of 140 million people hating me disconcerting? :)
Person means the 2% of people you know. For me, it's around 70%
I suggest you write a book. Make him the fuck-up clown who always gets it wrong. Make his fictive name so close to his own that everyone will know who he is but make it just enough different so he can't sue. Also, get over yourself. So, you hooked up with an asshole? You think you are the first lover who was asked to suck shit? For some people (not me) their entire life is eating shit sandwiches.
The gift of the pen is a weapon far greater than a sick dick who wants to dominate, descecrate and then bail. You don't learn to appreciate steak until you've eaten a few shit sandwiches.
Anyway, this place isn't Dear Abby. It is a writing haven. So unless you want to turn your shit into prose, take it to the confessional next time. For now, it did create some really shitty discussion.
Someone's grouchy.
@simon, you dont seem to understand. I cba to explain. And honestly, if you're not going to be constructive, please bother another thread.
You should cut this person out of your life period. Do not talk to, acknowledge or even look at him. Dont let him occupy your mind either.
I'm just sorry you have to go through such ignorant, hateful, retarded bullying. Anderson Cooper is my hero for addressing these issues, but it's going to take many many years before people don't think it's ok to say things like this (he wants attention from the others, that's why he does it in public).
What do you say? What would I say? I don't know, I was so unassertive in high school, I probably would have blushed and said nothing, but now I think I would speak back and say something like "to each his own" or "you don't know the world is changing? Come out from under the rock". I know a bully is not impressed with logical reasoning, but I wouldn't suggest a physical confrontation. Ignoring an idiot makes you the better person. But again I'm in no position to give advice.
I...I will be the better human, even if I feel less than. He is nothing to me, so why should what he think matter to me?
You can also write a character with his name, and make him deeply closeted with a tiny dick. Y'know, like Simon's acting.
I'm so sorry, TD. That fully and officially sucks. Is your school big enough to where you can just avoid him? Is that doable? I remember high school well enough to not suggest going to the "guidance" folks or the administration, unless he actually threatens you -- at which point you need to start documenting that shit.
Just please, fuck, I'm begging you, PLEASE don't internalize this and hurt yourself. Look, I'm an old byke, and I've seen enough of the community die of AIDS; this wave of suicides is more loss we don't need. I assume you know the Trevor Project number (866 488 7386). Call if it gets bad. Hell, message me and you can have my number.
Currently in Mark Vanderpool's class we're writing pieces on our most shameful moments. One of the ideas is that in order to accept feedback from each other, we need to build trust, which I agree is a very important element in workshops such as this one. Reading Mr. Morris' reply to this thread is quite offensive. The button you click to get to these forums is titled 'Community,' and frankly, that's what we're building. On the Cult people made real friends and even met their spouses, but I guess you would say it's not eHarmony, so that's inappropriate too. I for one appreciate the chance to get to know the people involved with this site.
And also, Simon, if you don't give a shit about other people's dilemmas, then don't click into a thread titled 'Some Social Advice.'
Word on that Rae. Also, I love the Steve Almond inspired 5 minutes of shame exercise. I got into some trouble with that one and Zendercool had to reprimand me, but it was worth it. I love that intensive. Wait, shouldn't you be in there doing homework or something? Say hi to Vanderschool.
I'm with you Rae. It's a community, and we're here to help each other. If all I get to do here is post about writing, it'd be first of all boring, and second, pointless. Getting to know each other is part of helping each other be a better writer. Writing is all about the human experience, whether fictional or otherwise. It's condescending to say that this is not an appropriate place to ask for help, whether it's personal matters or writing related.
Yes.
But to be fair Simon made some really good points about turn it into inspiration. Take that energy and channel it because those emotions will not only make for very good writing, but writing them will be therapeutic.
Plus I think Simon deserves another chance.
I'm on my lunch, thinking about shit sandwiches. Thanks, Simon.
Demi, what can I say? The guy's a prick. There's lots of them. You'll be stronger for it in the end. Don't operate on his level.
Thanks all of you. I'll ignore him and all will be sparkly. Here is your reward; it is very very funny. http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/510674
I'm late but wanted to reinforce--you say "he won't stop if I ignore him", truth is, if you feed into it, he won't stop, either.
I am sure or fucking sucks. I am sure it makes you want to beat the fuck out of him--but you have to take the high road. People who project this kind of hate and ignorance are not people you can reason with or "beat the bigot out of". Surround yourself with people who respect you (even if it's just one, I remember high school) and fuck the rest of them. It will come in handy forever. I've noticed the less fucks I give about what people think of me, the happier and more productive I am, and eventually, the people left around you are people that you can respect, and that respect you.
And everyone is right. High school doesn't mean shot when it's over. 45 seconds after graduation everyone has moved on to what they want to do and has all but forgotten the stupid shit that went on in those four years. Everyone but the REAL ducking desperate losers who have nothing to look forward to.
I'm gay and faced similar situations all throughout high school. Doing what you can to cut him out of your life, like most people on here have been saying, is the best option. I know that's pretty much impossible to do in high school, though, since you're forced to be in contact with people, so just ignoring him is probably the second best option.
I know it's cliche, but honestly things do get a whole lot better after high school. Once you head off to college, for the most part everyone is focused on their own thing and could give a crap what you do or who you sleep with. Of course, you'll still run into the occasional asshole, but in my experience 99% of the people just don't care. And unlike in high school, these occasional assholes don't make it their mission to screw with you. Also, once you enter the workforce, it's pretty much non existent. There's so much politics involved when working that people aren't going to risk losing their jobs just to mess with the gay guy.
The most important thing to remember is that this guy is an asshole and if he's treating you like this, then he's probably treating a lot of other people in the same way. People who feel the need to attack others generally have some deep seated issues and berate others in an effort to deal with their own insecurities.
Oh, and don't buy into the whole "he hates gays, so he must be gay" stereotype either. In my own experience, this is rarely the case.
@Jess (That;s you, Mr. Hearts!) It's just dumb. People ask me dumb questions about what they think being gay is about. They ask fucking stupid questions about my sex life, but never if I love him or other people I want to talk to but dont. Oh no. All they want to know is what fucking's like. Boys. Most private school boys are assholes until they become seniors.
They want to know about what sex is like because that's the age you're at. If you were straight and they knew you were getting laid, they'd want to know all about it, too. You probably do extra attention, but you know, when people ask ridiculous questions, give them ridiculous answers. If they are doing it in malice, then don't give them the satisfaction of a response.
but the guy who's asking, he's definately not a virgin. I guess he's just seeing things from his point of view and not understanding that I'm hurt....or not.
