Hello All,
So I figured I would start a thread where we can impart the wisdom that has come to us from random places or people, places or people that are not famous, where the wisdom will soon die because it has not come from someone with what we call fame.
So, without further gilding the desert ....
Life is like a shit sandwich: the more bread you have, the less shit you taste.
-Ronald Barchfeld, my stepfather
Let's hear those little pearls of wisdom that have somehow stuck with you after all these years.
I love this idea...
It doesn't stop hurting until you stop banging your head against the wall.
-Guy I worked with.
What will it matter?
-Professor Anne Ashbaugh in response to just about every question I asked her.
I quickly learned that asking questions to ask questions is a sign of an untethered mind. It is a mind that has no aim or purpose. It is searching for both. When confronted with "What will it matter?," I learned I needed to have an idea of where I'm going otherwise I'm just wasting people's times on my own selfish desire for explanations. It showed how lazy I was in my desire for knowledge. Another way to say it is, "What does it matter?"
I'm sure this one is pretty well known. I heard it from my sister in law, shortly after she married my then, twenty year old brother. Someone married MY brother. I was twelve. Her favorite saying was,
Shit it one hand, wish in the other and see which one fills up first."
This saying was used whenever someone said something like..."I wish I didn't have to go to school today." or any sentence that started "I wish."
Guy in some class I had over ten years ago once said something that I remember to this day.
Fuck lifting weights, that shit's heavy.
From veterinary school and still used in practice. I am not sure who started it since it was used so often, but I shall give credit to the clinician who used it best.
RECTUM? Damn near killed 'um.
- Dr. Terry Swecker
Never date a man who plays video games.
The first thing said to my German class one morning by our professor, Dr. Jamison. I've since wished I'd heeded his words.
Come down here a minute so I can hit you in the mouth.
One of many, many verbal gems from my 4'11" Italian-Mexican grandma, Aggy, said to someone much taller who had displeased her.
No idea how everybody gets those big quotation marks?
"Grapefruit, it's a fruit, it's an ashtray!"
Me at the breakfast table, age 10.
"I'm sick of relaxing!"
Norman, my roommate who was hyper and often told he needed to relax.
"I don't take no advice from broke people."
My buddy Leonard.
Kedzie, press the button with the quotation mark in the text editor above where you write your posts. It will offset whatever you write in a blockquote with that oversized quotation mark.
Sometimes customers say wonderful things to me at work.
I’m helping a customer and her daughter find the supplies they need for a painting class. I take them up to the register, ring them up, and go to give them the receipt at the end of the transaction, but the receipt prints blank. I stop myself and say, “Aaand your receipt printed blank. Hold on.” I crumble it up, pop open the printer, and turn the roll of paper around.
My manager, Lindsay, walks by and asks, “Why’d it print blank?”
“The paper was in backwards.”
“Why was the paper in backwards?”
I say quietly, “Ross.”
The customer laughs and says, “It’s always a man, isn’t it?”
I smiled about that for the rest of the day.
Another time, a man came into the store wanting to exchange a set of PanPastel artists' painting pastels. The set is supposed to come with tools, but he said they were missing so he just wanted to swap it out for another set. I opened up the box, took out one of the tubes of stacked pastels, unscrewed the bottom, and the tools were inside of it. He leapt forward, put both hands on the counter, laughed, and shouted, “Don’t tell my wife! She’s always saying I don’t look at things carefully enough.”
I just thought that was adorable.
My Mother called dinnertime Hell Hour.
Thanks Bethany.
Re: the guy who couldn't find his tools. Funny how men can still manage to be charming (even adorable) when they're modest or self effacing rather than arrogant. A good life lesson for us doods!
More gems from Vet School:
Equine Anesthesia is very dangerous. When a horse is waking up, only 2 thoughts run through their heads: Homicide or Suicide. For your sake, hope it's suicide.
- Dr. Carolina Ricco
How to tell if your patient is dead? If it is limp like noodle, they are dead. If you call 'Fluffy' and are like "Here Fluffy" and 'Fluffy' doesn't come, they are dead.
-Dr. Carolina Ricco
This one is from my husband. He told me this when we first started dating to warn me not to date him.
Never fall in love with a man who hates his mother.
-Aaron Reynolds
One last one from my husband. This was said to a friend of mine who was in a toxic relationship that she was having trouble leaving.
You need to cut him like a cold-blooded assassin.
-Aaron Reynolds
I had a professor who had a bunch of little catch phrases he'd say in his voice that was some kind of combo between, I don't know, Chong and something slower...
Gold star
Bully for you
And he'd start a lecture sometimes by saying...
So, at risk of your rage
Many years ago I had to put down our beloved 16 year old Schipperke (not sure if I spelled that right). I held him as the doctor gave the shot and life passed through him. As I was leaving I told our vet: "no more." The kids were grown and out the house. Nope, my wife and I did not need this pain in our lives ever again. He laughed and said: "you'll be back." Six months later we adopted an abused pit bull. She's getting older now too. UGH. But what a great dog she has been! There's no quote here, I was just responding to Dalton's posts.
Never sleep with anyone whose problems are worse than your own.
Nelson Algren
Oh shoot, just realized this thread is for quotes by regular (non famous) people. Sorry!
Had a Sergeant Major in the Marines who used to give compliments followed by insults.
That boy there, he's real smart, but he's weak.
That kid is strong, strong as I'd ever seen, but he's dumb.
I also had another Sergeant Major that liked to walk around with a huge wooden mallet with a picture of the Battalion Commander on one side and a picture of our Chaplain on the other.
He'd just ask each person who they wanted to see and he would arrange the meeting.
