Jose F. Diaz's picture
Jose F. Diaz from Boston is reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel September 3, 2016 - 9:14am

Hello All,

So I figured I would start a thread where we can impart the wisdom that has come to us from random places or people, places or people that are not famous, where the wisdom will soon die because it has not come from someone with what we call fame. 

So, without further gilding the desert ....

Life is like a shit sandwich: the more bread you have, the less shit you taste.

-Ronald Barchfeld, my stepfather

Let's hear those little pearls of wisdom that have somehow stuck with you after all these years. 

Thuggish's picture
Thuggish from Vegas is reading Day of the Jackal September 3, 2016 - 9:37am

I love this idea...

 

It doesn't stop hurting until you stop banging your head against the wall.

-Guy I worked with.

Jose F. Diaz's picture
Jose F. Diaz from Boston is reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel September 3, 2016 - 9:39am

What will it matter?

-Professor Anne Ashbaugh in response to just about every question I asked her. 

I quickly learned that asking questions to ask questions is a sign of an untethered mind. It is a mind that has no aim or purpose. It is searching for both. When confronted with "What will it matter?," I learned I needed to have an idea of where I'm going otherwise I'm just wasting people's times on my own selfish desire for explanations. It showed how lazy I was in my desire for knowledge. Another way to say it is, "What does it matter?" 

smithreynolds's picture
smithreynolds from Spokane, WA USA is reading The writing on the wall. September 3, 2016 - 7:30pm

I'm sure this one is pretty well known. I heard it from my sister in law, shortly after she married my then, twenty year old brother. Someone married MY brother. I was twelve. Her favorite saying was,

Shit it one hand, wish in the other and see which one fills up first."

This saying was used whenever someone said something like..."I wish I didn't have to go to school today." or any sentence that started "I wish."

Thuggish's picture
Thuggish from Vegas is reading Day of the Jackal September 3, 2016 - 7:04pm

Guy in some class I had over ten years ago once said something that I remember to this day.

 

Fuck lifting weights, that shit's heavy.

Daltonwriting's picture
Daltonwriting from Charlotte, NC is reading As many short story collections as I can get my hands on September 3, 2016 - 8:27pm

From veterinary school and still used in practice.  I am not sure who started it since it was used so often, but I shall give credit to the clinician who used it best.

 

RECTUM?  Damn near killed 'um.

- Dr. Terry Swecker

bethwenn's picture
bethwenn from Milwaukee is reading The Magic Mountain by Thomas Mann September 3, 2016 - 9:06pm

Never date a man who plays video games.

The first thing said to my German class one morning by our professor, Dr. Jamison. I've since wished I'd heeded his words.

 

Come down here a minute so I can hit you in the mouth.

One of many, many verbal gems from my 4'11" Italian-Mexican grandma, Aggy, said to someone much taller who had displeased her.

Kedzie's picture
Kedzie from the SF Bay Area is reading The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien September 3, 2016 - 10:22pm

No idea how everybody gets those big quotation marks?

"Grapefruit, it's a fruit, it's an ashtray!"

Me at the breakfast table, age 10. 

 

Kedzie's picture
Kedzie from the SF Bay Area is reading The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien September 3, 2016 - 10:24pm

"I'm sick of relaxing!"

Norman, my roommate who was hyper and often told he needed to relax.

 

Kedzie's picture
Kedzie from the SF Bay Area is reading The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien September 3, 2016 - 10:25pm

"I don't take no advice from broke people."

My buddy Leonard.

bethwenn's picture
bethwenn from Milwaukee is reading The Magic Mountain by Thomas Mann September 4, 2016 - 12:57pm

Kedzie, press the button with the quotation mark in the text editor above where you write your posts. It will offset whatever you write in a blockquote with that oversized quotation mark.

 

Sometimes customers say wonderful things to me at work.

I’m helping a customer and her daughter find the supplies they need for a painting class. I take them up to the register, ring them up, and go to give them the receipt at the end of the transaction, but the receipt prints blank. I stop myself and say, “Aaand your receipt printed blank. Hold on.” I crumble it up, pop open the printer, and turn the roll of paper around.

My manager, Lindsay, walks by and asks, “Why’d it print blank?”

“The paper was in backwards.”

“Why was the paper in backwards?”

I say quietly, “Ross.”

The customer laughs and says, “It’s always a man, isn’t it?”

I smiled about that for the rest of the day.

 

Another time, a man came into the store wanting to exchange a set of PanPastel artists' painting pastels. The set is supposed to come with tools, but he said they were missing so he just wanted to swap it out for another set. I opened up the box, took out one of the tubes of stacked pastels, unscrewed the bottom, and the tools were inside of it. He leapt forward, put both hands on the counter, laughed, and shouted, “Don’t tell my wife! She’s always saying I don’t look at things carefully enough.”

I just thought that was adorable.

smithreynolds's picture
smithreynolds from Spokane, WA USA is reading The writing on the wall. September 4, 2016 - 2:04pm

My Mother called dinnertime Hell Hour.

Kedzie's picture
Kedzie from the SF Bay Area is reading The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien September 5, 2016 - 7:09am

Thanks Bethany.

Re: the guy who couldn't find his tools. Funny how men can still manage to be charming (even adorable) when they're modest or self effacing rather than arrogant. A good life lesson for us doods!  

Daltonwriting's picture
Daltonwriting from Charlotte, NC is reading As many short story collections as I can get my hands on September 5, 2016 - 7:09am

More gems from Vet School:

 

Equine Anesthesia is very dangerous.  When a horse is waking up, only 2 thoughts run through their heads: Homicide or Suicide.  For your sake, hope it's suicide.

- Dr. Carolina Ricco

How to tell if your patient is dead?  If it is limp like noodle, they are dead.  If you call 'Fluffy' and are like "Here Fluffy" and 'Fluffy' doesn't come, they are dead.

-Dr. Carolina Ricco

Daltonwriting's picture
Daltonwriting from Charlotte, NC is reading As many short story collections as I can get my hands on September 5, 2016 - 7:13am

This one is from my husband.  He told me this when we first started dating to warn me not to date him.

Never fall in love with a man who hates his mother.

-Aaron Reynolds

One last one from my husband.  This was said to a friend of mine who was in a toxic relationship that she was having trouble leaving.

You need to cut him like a cold-blooded assassin.

-Aaron Reynolds

Thuggish's picture
Thuggish from Vegas is reading Day of the Jackal September 5, 2016 - 7:16am

I had a professor who had a bunch of little catch phrases he'd say in his voice that was some kind of combo between, I don't know, Chong and something slower...

Gold star

Bully for you

And he'd start a lecture sometimes by saying...

So, at risk of your rage

Kedzie's picture
Kedzie from the SF Bay Area is reading The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien September 5, 2016 - 7:17am

Many years ago I had to put down our beloved 16 year old Schipperke (not sure if I spelled that right). I held him as the doctor gave the shot and life passed through him. As I was leaving I told our vet: "no more." The kids were grown and out the house. Nope, my wife and I did not need this pain in our lives ever again. He laughed and said: "you'll be back." Six months later we adopted an abused pit bull. She's getting older now too. UGH. But what a great dog she has been! There's no quote here, I was just responding to Dalton's posts. 

Kedzie's picture
Kedzie from the SF Bay Area is reading The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien September 5, 2016 - 7:25am

Never sleep with anyone whose problems are worse than your own.

Nelson Algren

Oh shoot, just realized this thread is for quotes by regular (non famous) people. Sorry! 

Jose F. Diaz's picture
Jose F. Diaz from Boston is reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel September 5, 2016 - 10:50am

Had a Sergeant Major in the Marines who used to give compliments followed by insults.

That boy there, he's real smart, but he's weak.

That kid is strong, strong as I'd ever seen, but he's dumb.

I also had another Sergeant Major that liked to walk around with a huge wooden mallet with a picture of the Battalion Commander on one side and a picture of our Chaplain on the other. 

He'd just ask each person who they wanted to see and he would arrange the meeting.