Let's here them.
The Pit and The Pundulum, huh? Don't make me punish you with my semantic antics. My locution is locomotive, my appellation appealing. Putting the verbose back in verbosity. I'll punt this ball with all I got. Gotta get the punultimate ball rolling here. It's hard to puntificate without a subject to work with but this has been a real pun time, no pun intended. I'll just punder on it for a while and when I find the write words punce on them. That's right, I said "write" words. Once upun a time this punny (as in ha ha) shit used to piss people off, now their gluttons for punishment. Just like Dostoevsky with Puns from the Underground and Crime and Punishment. Food for thought, a double entendre entree, in debt to the innuendo, withhold the criticism of my witticism, don't quarel with my quips, or say not to my bon mot.
Do you know about Ghandi? He walked everywhere so he had calluses on his feet, ate only beans so he was very weak and had bad breath. You could say he was a: Super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Damn.
How do you make antifreeze? Take away her blanket.
The plunder of war.
^ Nice.
Still my beating heart. (triple pun.)
Don't listen to this punter playing at pundit. This lame game is the same as the punderous masses that came before. Old hat, weak and fat, but pun'd for pun'd a sorry state for soirées. This ain't no pâté, this ain't no crisco. Pounces on words like ounces of curds and way off base. A little kid eating paste in haste of his growing waist of time for most of us, 'kay. Take these Notes from the Punderground... fat lips sink loose quips. Say naught to bon-bon mots.
(I don't know why you were fat for all my metaphors, but I'm sure you'll roll with it...)
Colin Mochrie is a favorite: "Today, well-known mob hitman Johnny Two-Shoes admitted that he was once hired to kill a cow in a rice field using only two small porcelain figurines. Police reports indicate that this is the only known incident of a Knick-Knack Paddy Whack."
Also the Bulwer-Lytton contest is a great source every year:
Old Man Dracula forgot to put his teeth in one night, and so had to come home hungry, with a sort of "nothing dentured, nothing veined" look on his face.- Matther Pfiefer, Beaman, IA
"Nothing dentured nothing veined"-- ain't that the tooth. I hate to make a mountain out of a molar hill, but I wasn't expecting a rap war with slim pundy. But I'm a tusk cookie and I can take this punagedon. Fangs for all the fun, guys.
Ivory much appreciate your incisive wit, and the Good Humor™ you're bringing. And also for Diaz's zinger of a thread, giving us the chance to chew the fat like this. But it feels like we've been desserted. Played like a couple of chomps. Not even a devil's advocake to drill us on our floss 'em and jest 'em attitudes...
I feel a cavity growing in my heart...
I'll probably go home and pout, listen to something on a loop... "More Than a Filling" by Boston... cream pie.
That's offal. I'll quit now, before punitive measures are leavened against me...
The labyrinth was amazing.
I would have been a doctor, but I don't have the patience.
I don't eat chicken because I heard it's fowl.
These are all so punny...
I told a friend to lengthen a short story, she said what a novella idea. (that one's a true story).
This cheese is so gouda.
...this thread is going to give us all cancer.
A Punny Thing Happened on the Way to This Forum..
I'm full of punderlust, and I muss, run my fingers through my hair. And stare; at the words on the page or screen. They're sage, down right tasty. Ya know what I mean?
I'm not green. Not new to this game. I aim to please. I'm a Punisher, my words cut like a hot knife through butter. (I mutter.) Better grab a fork and dig in to these savory soliloquies. They bring me glee and just might be the death of me. But I don't mind, I got nothin' but tine.
So I'll sit here in my forest of solitude and pine. For the good ole days that were simply Divine.
I’ll kick back with a glass of vino and wine. About Cheese, and Dru Breeze, and the Patriots Act. Tom Brady is wigity wack! Got no sac, deflated balls and was under attack! Whist I punder the outcome of deflate gate in prose. Grab a pen and some paper and give this a go!
I don't know that I can take any smore.
She was only a hooker, but she had the prettiest face I ever came across.
