the1nickel's picture
the1nickel April 26, 2016 - 6:42pm

To start things off; im very socially awkward so apologies for the weirdness. My writting is very diffrent and hard to follow and probaly has grammer issues. If had to explain my writing it is simple but is thought provoking and has lots of deph.

I want this to be a learning experience so if you take the time to read this and give advice you have my deep appreciation.


The Red Pill

Everyday with my mind is stressful. My thoughts are like flies, they constantly keep appearing they are so hard to squash. Dwelling on the past with a demanding present while worrying on the future. Its quite stressful when the flies engulf my mind.

Every single moment I percieve of myself I give in.                                                                                          

Every single moment I percieve of others I percieve I give in

Every single moment I percieve of the enviroment i percieve I give in.

Well you you see life is no more than a stimulus; no more than an experience we give into. In life we try to find the best happiness to effort ratio to support our chemical needs. Now we don't give into some of these urges because we live in a society. Society sets guidlines, if we harm others for a postive stimulus society becomes scared and punishes us. Not giving into all these urges is good in the long term since we help others more openly, exchange ideas to create a better future for humanity.

Is this what life is? An endless contribution to ourselves and humanity. To make our lives in the future and the future of humanity a little less worst, or is this simply an illusion?

We only contribute to society because we get reassurance from others of the contributations to humanity we did. We help others to feel better about ourselves from others. If we rationalize death why should we care about what happens to society. After all your dead there is no stimulus.



(There is more at the ending but it ties to religion and will probaly controversial)

Thank you for you time.  


Jose F. Diaz's picture
Jose F. Diaz from Boston is reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel April 26, 2016 - 9:21pm

I think there is something to be said to understanding and becoing proficient in the basics. That is, learn all the rules as they are set out by various guides. Once you know what the rules are, you can deviate as you see fit. But first, you have to know from what you're deviating. 

Your writing suggests that you have this idea, though loosely formed, that is an existential question about maintaining the self while still existing in society. Not wanting to be set into one path. 

I would suggest reading the existentialists, studying them, as well as studying the basic elements of the story, and then seeing what comes from this exploration. I think after devoting a good year or two into this effort, you will see tremendous growth in your writing, as well as asking better questions. 

I hope this helps some.

And welcome to the pit. 

L.W. Flouisa's picture
L.W. Flouisa from Tennessee is reading More Murakami April 27, 2016 - 8:39am

Start small, work your way up.

I started in short fiction. Still prefer short fiction, but my voice seems to be in novelette duologies.

Also subjectivism, not to be confused with objectivism is my thing.

Every indidivual subjective experience add toward a larger pucture that benefits the group as a whole.

Sometimes you need an imrpoviser for every planner.

Jose F. Diaz's picture
Jose F. Diaz from Boston is reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel April 27, 2016 - 9:01am


As far as subjectivism and objectivism are concerned, I prefer perspectivism.

It's different in that, each perspective is something that anyone else can also obtain. The subjective leaves you on an island, objectivism removes the necessity of human, but perspectivism allows for us to be able to share our lives with each other. It's what writing does, it shares a personal perspective on the world.

It isn't the woman who has to go through X and no one can understand it because it is purely subjective. it is the woman who goes through X, and shares that perspective, and we can relate, even if it isn't identical, we can get into the same world that can unite.

Art should bind us; not tell us how far away we are from each other and that we can never quite get there.

the1nickel's picture
the1nickel April 27, 2016 - 6:09pm

Thanks for the advice perhaps I shouldn't dive in it all at once. I should start up with the basics and build up from there, I also should paint a clearer picture.

It's hard to know what I want to write about in all my papers in general or where to start to improve.

Self reflections, poetry observational, philosophy, reality, broken education eduaction system, overprescribed kids, and society or anything super dark are how I can sum up most of my writing.

A few more examples are


The Human Virus

Multiply and mutiply we need more!

Slam this stone and wood across these green lands,

So more of us can live across this land.

Now ravage as much of this land for this lust for luxury.

Then the virus becomes an epidemic.

Cattle living to die in piles of sh*t behind coporate doors, choked by antibiotics and growth hormones.

Ecosystems being destroyed.

The virus feed on more and more!

Until the host is dead.


Left outside


Weary legs;

Stitched up heart

Stuffed with antidepresents


Another boy left outside

A boy left to fight and prove that he can be a self sustaining indivudual in society



My parents constantly tell me that living in this world isn't easy.

They try to help me make better decicions.

Exercise, get better grades, and learn to drive or do something!

I never listen..


You never know a good thing until it's gone.

Your mother's and father's loving ams.

As an immature teenager.

I won't know im hurting myself until it's too late.

and when your released from your mother and father release you from their loving arms and leave you outside it's..


Weary legs;

Stiched up heart.

and fed with antidepressants.


Another boy left outside

A boy left to fight and prove that he can be a self sustaining indivual in society.




This scratches the surface of what I write about. I really want to be able to something do amongst the realms of writing as a job. I don't care if I have to spend hours a day to improve my writing and I don't care about the wage. As long as I have a decent house I will be very happy.

I just don't what what direction to send my writing or where to start to improve.


Thank you if you read this wall of text.


and apologies for the late responces, im not allowed to use the computer that long becuase im grounded.