MJLADD's picture
MJLADD May 15, 2014 - 3:11pm

Sci-Fi - Cyber
78K words


Looking for conceptual feedback on my narrative, descriptions, story idea and the flow. Grammar, punctuation and spelling feedback is optional.

Introduction:

Can happy eyes and ears create a peaceful mind? Perhaps, but it’s complicated. It’s easy to push such lofty discussions into the philosophic realm but one man refused. He had the audacity to wrestle this question away from the Greeks preferring that the free market decide.

One of the pillars of happiness is the ability to create; to turn internal thoughts into external things. Throughout our history, we’ve done just that. We’ve produced the amazing; everything from breath-taking art to mind blowing technology.

More recently, the world within us has gained focus. Man’s cerebral mechanics, his ideas and desires, are the new targets of this creativity addiction. A new stage is set. The time has come for our eyes and ears to break their bonds of organic control. The era of Perception Engineering is about to begin.

This is the story of how neurotic brilliance helped facilitate such a feat. Malachi Jacks wasn’t trying to change the world. It was the neat little side effect from trying to change himself. 

 

Would love feedback, let me know. Thanks.

Andrewbee's picture
Andrewbee from Chicago is reading some YA book, most likely May 23, 2014 - 1:21pm

I'll trade you beta feedback. Mine is sci-fi also.

Zara's Flight

51K words

Zara must save her father's life - by hijacking the fastest, most complex spaceship ever built.

Young Zara has already experienced a lifetime of sorrows, when her father abruptly leaves her: he sets out to become the first human being ever to leave the Solar System. He finds out, after it's too late to turn around, that he will die, gasping for breath, within a few short years.  His ship has been sabotaged by his lifelong nemesis.

Emotionally crippled by the loss of her mother at age four, Zara grows up distant from her father as he becomes the richest man in the world. As she enters adulthood, he leaves her life for good, as he embarks on his quest.  Already devastated by his leaving, Zara finds out that he only has a short time to live. Galvanized the love she finally realizes she has for him, she sets out to save him.

She rallies a team of powerful friends and veteran spaceflyers. They hire an elite assault team. There is only one chance to both save him and even the score in one stroke: by stealing a quarter-trillion dollar spaceship, 1,300 kilometers above the Earth, on its way to Jupiter. The mission is intensely personal for Zara: the ship belongs to the saboteur, and if she succeeds, she must face never seeing Earth again.