avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters September 1, 2012 - 6:31am

Once again, I’ve lived to see the first of another new month.  I’m glad this keeps happening.

This is this the thread for the lurkers, regulars, new kids, old friends, cool kids, band geeks, drama nerds, EVERYONE!  Come in and get to know some people.

This is my monthly roll call because I worry about you when you don’t call.  And you look thin, you should eat more.

So…

Are you alive?

Is your ring finger longer than your middle finger?

Any September birthdays?

Salt or pepper?

What sort of soap do you use, and what does it smell like?

Do you believe in astrology?

Do you get motion sickness?

Would you please mow my lawn?

What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently?

Are you going to write a story about that conversation?
 

Andy Arson Newton's picture
Andy Arson Newton from Kansas City is reading Amy Hempel, forever. September 1, 2012 - 8:05am

New on here. Here goes.

I am alive.

No.

My birthday is an anniversary of Robert Kennedy being shot to death. So, no.

Both. Not on much though.

My soap is Old Spice body wash. It says, "Gel Douche," on the bottle. If that's not just a bit funny to you, we won't be friends.

I believe the stars tell us a lot about how we should see ourselves in relation to the universe. Proportionally, that kind of thing. Also, I know that it's not a coincidence that the way the universe moves is the same way our atoms/cells/quarks/whatever move. It's all one energy source that we're all attached to and will all have to return to conscience or not. Do I read the astrology stuff in the paper? Yes, when I come across it. Do I invest any real belief in it, laughably no.

No motion sickness. I'm a former paratrooper. I've somersaulted down the skin of an aircraft at 180mph, I'm good with motion.

Lawncare is not my strong suit.

Does Clint Eastwood yelling at a chair count as conversation?

I think I just did.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters September 1, 2012 - 8:21am

Welcome, new guy!!  I see you are a Gemini.  No wonder you picked both salt and pepper.  Stick around, I already like you for sharing with us!

 

 

Andy Arson Newton's picture
Andy Arson Newton from Kansas City is reading Amy Hempel, forever. September 1, 2012 - 8:23am

I will. And thanks!!

Sound's picture
Sound from Azusa, CA is reading Greener Pastures by Michael Wehunt September 1, 2012 - 9:15am

Are you alive? Yup, although that I could've died. Aparently there's hantavirus outbreak in Yosemite and I just came back. o.O 

Is your ring finger longer than your middle finger? No, that's weird. 

Any September birthdays? Nope, last month for me. 

Salt or pepper? Salt. Always more salt. 

What sort of soap do you use, and what does it smell like? Shit, I don't know. I switch all the time..

Do you believe in astrology? Nope! 

Do you get motion sickness? Nope.

Would you please mow my lawn? After I mow mine.

What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently? A three way text conversation where one friend consolidated our responses and replied to each of us. I was so lost. Wait, that wasn't heard...

Are you going to write a story about that conversation? Nope. It really wasn't that interesting anyway. 

sean of the dead's picture
sean of the dead from Madisonville, KY is reading Peckerwood, by Jed Ayres September 1, 2012 - 9:18am

I like this so much, I'm going to answer these questions before I pay my rent today.  I am a dangerous rebel...

Are you alive?  yes, but my health meter is running low and I can't find a power up

Is your ring finger longer than your middle finger?  no, I'm not a mutant, thank you

Any September birthdays?  we've talked about this, December is where it's at

Salt or pepper?  this has been my hair color since I was about 16, more so now.  Thanks mom!

What sort of soap do you use, and what does it smell like?  I just bought some generic bodywash from the grocery store the other day, apparently it smells like Ocean Breeze.  Which I guess means I smell like salt water and fish?

Do you believe in astrology?  Is that the one with Xenu and the e-meters?

Do you get motion sickness?  No, but i had a friend who always did, but was embarrassed so would blame it on anything else.  The food he ate was bad, he drank too many energy drinks, maybe he's coming down with something, etc...not pleasant driving cross-country with him.

Would you please mow my lawn?  I would love to.  I miss having a lawn, I'm stuck in a 3rd floor apartment and it drives me crazy.  I don't have a lawnmower though, so make sure yours is gassed up and ready to go.

What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently?  My downstairs neighbor had locked himself out of his apartment, and he was knocking on his patio door trying to get someone to let him in.  He started talking about how he was old school and loves Burger King.  I'm not sure what he looks like, but his voice sounds like Candyman.

Are you going to write a story about that conversation?  No, I've found myself too distracted by the message board and reading other people's stories to write much lately.

jyh's picture
jyh from VA is reading whatever he feels like September 1, 2012 - 9:24am

Are you alive?  Zing!

Is your ring finger longer than your middle finger?  Depends on where you measure from.

Any September birthdays?  7 at least

Salt or pepper?  Is this code for something?

What sort of soap do you use, and what does it smell like?  ...

Do you believe in astrology?  No

Do you get motion sickness?  No

Would you please mow my lawn?  Bring it here.

What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently?  I guess it'd be one of the near-daily cold-call public opinion surveys. EDIT --- read that as "had" not "heard." Don't remember hearing any weird conversations; I've been ignoring real people lately.

Are you going to write a story about that conversation?  Hell no.

Stacy Kear's picture
Stacy Kear from Bucyrus, Ohio lives in New Jersey is reading The Art of War September 1, 2012 - 11:59am

Are you alive? "I have no money, no resources, no hope. I am the happiest man alive." Henry Miller ~ I'm not a man so wherever that leaves me.

Is your ring finger longer than your index finger? Except for genitalia, relative finger length is the only physical trait fixed at birth that is sexually dimorphic. Very tricky way to decipher our sexual preferences. It also must be noted that one must measure from the base of each finger, you can not eyeball it. My answer is no.

Any September birthdays? I would love my birthstone to be sapphire and my birth flower to be Astor. I would also love to be Orderly, Modest, Diligent, Analytical & Self-sufficient. No September birthdays for me.

Salt or pepper. I'll have both. If I had to choose, (Why are you making me choose!?) I'd pick pepper.

What sort of soap do you use and what does it smell like? I have been dying for someone to ask me this question. I am a toiletries junky. I use Philosophy, cinnamon buns, mango and cream, and coconut frosting. I also use an assortment of Lush soaps, I smell fucking delicious.

Do you believe in astrology? What do you take me for, a witch? My mom is into all of that hoo-ha so I ignore it with passive aggression. p.s. I love me mom.

Do you get motion sick? What do you take me for, a pussy?  No I don't.

Would you please mow my lawn? Only if you ask me in private. I mean no, no, I will not "mow your lawn" and if I may say so, it is a bit slutty for you to ask this question on an open forum, well done. 

What is the strangest conversation you have heard lately? Boy, Greenpeace weirdo, walking around a party with a little tattered piece of paper, going from person to person, explaining in depth how he linked all the computers with some skeleton computer programming. I may be wrong about the specifics, because I, like ever other person at the party, tuned out or walked away in bored frustration. He continued his conversation with an Aspergers fervor. 

Are you going to write a story about that conversation? No, I didn't understand it. I do, however, have an Aspie in the story I am currently writing.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters September 1, 2012 - 9:37am

@sean - The mower is ready, please hurry.  The neighbors are getting pissy.  Also this would secure you as my favorite. 

@stacy - Your answer to the September birthday and your answer to the astrology question seem to contradict each other!

sean of the dead's picture
sean of the dead from Madisonville, KY is reading Peckerwood, by Jed Ayres September 1, 2012 - 9:53am

@jessica: why do I suddenly imagine a horribly overgrown lawn with strange mutated insects flying overhead and sinister animal growls coming from somewhere between the sidewalk and the front door?  If I leave now, I'll probably be mowing under an almost full moon.  Do you care if I camp out in your backyard, have a bonfire, and regale myself with songs and ghost stories?

Dwayne's picture
Dwayne from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updated September 1, 2012 - 10:11am

Are you alive? Yeah.

Is your ring finger longer than your middle finger? No.

Any September birthdays? Not of folks I'm close to.

Salt or pepper? Pepper.

What sort of soap do you use, and what does it smell like? Don't care, just no weird fruit smells.

Do you believe in astrology? ​No.

Do you get motion sickness? Rarely.

Would you please mow my lawn? Only for cash.

What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently? Debate about organic beats.

Are you going to write a story about that conversation? ​Maybe throw it in something else, but not just that.

 

Stacy Kear's picture
Stacy Kear from Bucyrus, Ohio lives in New Jersey is reading The Art of War September 1, 2012 - 10:12am

@ stCy, your answers seem to contradict eachother. Let's start a thread and debate it for an infinite amount of posts. Or not, I contradict myself on a daily basis.

jyh's picture
jyh from VA is reading whatever he feels like September 1, 2012 - 10:29am

Let's start a thread and debate it for an infinite amount of posts.

I'm all over it!

Jonathan Riley's picture
Jonathan Riley from Memphis, Tennessee is reading Flashover by Gordon Highland September 1, 2012 - 10:42am

Are you alive? I'm not dead. Not yet.

Is your ring finger longer than your middle finger? No, but my second toe is longer than the big one. Is that weird?

Any September birthdays? Unfortunatley, mine is in January. I would like to start rotating the months I celebrate it in.

Salt or pepper? I think i like salt a little better but if i had to keep just one I'd stick with pepper cuz it taste good and won't keep you full of water.

What sort of soap do you use, and what does it smell like? Dial, I smell like a peach.

Do you believe in astrology? Hard question. I beleive in stars and i think some people really live up to their signs. I'm not ready to spin off the planet yet so i'm going to go with no.

Do you get motion sickness? I get sick of sitting still.

Would you please mow my lawn? If it's less than 84 degrees and you have a self-propelled motor, I'd love to.

What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently? I heard someone talking about getting stung on the penis by a fire ant.

Are you going to write a story about that conversation?
  I've already started.

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading A truckload of books September 1, 2012 - 10:49am

So…

Are you alive? All available evidence points to "yes", I am sure I will feel it once I've had more coffee.

Is your ring finger longer than your middle finger?NO! Is that a thing?!

Any September birthdays? My brother and my grandmother.

Salt or pepper? Umm...a little salt while cooking. Pepper if something calls for it, or like...on my eggs.

What sort of soap do you use, and what does it smell like? I use a soap made by Philosophy. It smells like fresh flowers and hard candy.

Do you believe in astrology? I believe it exists, I do not believe in the results of their labor. Once, I wrote horoscopes for the school paper. My favorite made up horoscope was "beware of falling rocks".

Do you get motion sickness? Nope.

Would you please mow my lawn? Nope.

What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently? Two words: Hot List.

Are you going to write a story about that conversation? No, probably not.

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading A truckload of books September 1, 2012 - 10:51am

Oh, I read it as "had" not "heard", too. 

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters September 1, 2012 - 10:54am

@sean - that's fine.  I'll make you some cookies.  If you're very good you can have the couch.  Unless you would rather camp out, in which case I'll allow it.  I'm very excited.

NONE OF YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?  This is weird.

 

Dino Parenti's picture
Dino Parenti from Los Angeles is reading Everything He Gets His Hands On September 1, 2012 - 11:16am

@ Andy: Welcome to the fam.

@ J.Y.:  Like yourself, I've been trying to ignore real people of late as well, but as you'll read below, they keep finding me!

@ Stacy: You're too bomb for words:)

Okay, here goes...

Are you alive?  And kicking hard.

Is your ring finger longer than your middle finger? Only underwater.

Any September birthdays? None, thank goodness. October and November on the other hand...

Salt or pepper? Yes.

What sort of soap do you use, and what does it smell like? Whatever's on the dish or in the dispenser at the time.

Do you believe in astrology? I don't even believe it's still around in the 21st century. That said, it's fun to read what scorpio has to look forward to now and again:)

Do you get motion sickness? Now that would be a real issue for a life-long LA driver, wouldn't it?

Would you please mow my lawn? Two conditions: 1) Like Jonathan alluded to above, is it under 80 degrees at the time and location of mowing, and 2) can you bake homemade chocolate chip cookies?

What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently? Several weeks ago a rather extremely cut naked man in his fifties stopped me in the locker room at my gym and, referring to my copy of Christopher Hitchen's Essays protruding from my bag, said the following through an off-putting, near rapturous smile: "It's not in there." Having a pretty good idea from which pathology such a declaration hailed (the only article on his just showered, dripping body was the gold crucifix), I replied with, "I don't know about that; he covers a lot of 'its.'" Not convinced that I knew what I was talking about, he kept repeating that "it's not in there," hoping I'd take the bait and reply with the stock question of "what is 'it' that you're referring to?" which I absolutely would not. Instead, I kept replying with equally ambiguous remarks like, "IT's a matter of perspective," and "I wouldn't presume to know IT all," and "I think he above all people cover IT better than most." His loony smile kind of faltered eventually after a few more back-and-forths, and he finally left me alone. I haven't seen him since.

Are you going to write a story about that conversation? I think I just did:)

Emma C's picture
Class Facilitator
Emma C from Los Angeles is reading The Warehouse by Rob Hart September 1, 2012 - 11:24am

Are you alive? A live what?

Is your ring finger longer than your middle finger? No.

Any September birthdays? My mum, mum's BFF and father-in-law, all today.

Salt or pepper? Neither; curry powder

What sort of soap do you use, and what does it smell like? Hand soap: method cucumber, like cucumber. Bath soap: changes often, currently a French milled artisan sort that smells like vanilla.

Do you believe in astrology? No, though I am a Scorpio and seem to fit the profile. Now that you bring that up I have a funny story: I have a scorpion tattoo, based on 2 stories (the fox and the scorpion, and the story of Artemis and Orion). I studied Astronomy at university; when people asked my major, and I told them, 8 out of 10 replied with "Oh, that's why you have the Scorpio tattoo". 

Do you get motion sickness? Not at all.

Would you please mow my lawn? For $20, yes.

What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently? Probably something to do with babies. Everyone's talking about them these days. I don't pay attention, sorry.

Are you going to write a story about that conversation? No.

 
Andy Arson Newton's picture
Andy Arson Newton from Kansas City is reading Amy Hempel, forever. September 1, 2012 - 11:46am

@Dino

Thanks!!!

jyh's picture
jyh from VA is reading whatever he feels like September 1, 2012 - 11:59am

@Dino --- that fifty-something smiling naked man bit sounds like a David Lynch scene; like Inland Empire / Mulholland Dr. kind of thing. Creepy. "It's not in there."

Dino Parenti's picture
Dino Parenti from Los Angeles is reading Everything He Gets His Hands On September 1, 2012 - 12:09pm

J.Y., I think you nailed it. I couldn't quite find the adjective that best described the encounter until just now: Lynchian.  I'm picturing and albino Robert Blake from Lost Highway as we speak...

Profunda Saint-Sylvain's picture
Profunda Saint-... from Calgary, AB is reading Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy Series September 1, 2012 - 2:51pm

Are you alive?
Yes, but all that really means is one day closer to death.

Is your ring finger longer than your middle finger?
Not that I'm aware of. I can't afford prescription gloves, anyway, so it's probably for the best.

Any September birthdays?
Not mine, but a few people I know seem to have been born this time of the year.

Salt or pepper?
Cooking, I looooooove pepper. But I also love to eat cheese, which is mostly salt... Paradox?

What sort of soap do you use, and what does it smell like?
Soap is for suckers. I bathe in raw egg yolks now.

Do you believe in astrology?
I do believe that the concept exists, yes.

Do you get motion sickness?
No, but I get terrible emotion sickness.

Would you please mow my lawn?
I don't even mow mine until the bylaw cops make me.

What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently?
Right now there are 2 toddlers running around me talking about Tinkerbell and pee.

Are you going to write a story about that conversation?
I don't do fan fiction.

drea's picture
drea from Rural Alberta, Canada is reading between the lines September 1, 2012 - 8:18pm

Are you alive? Si.

Is your ring finger longer than your middle finger? No.

Any September birthdays? My son turns 11 on Monday. I put the labour in Labour Day.

Salt or pepper? Depends on who.

What sort of soap do you use, and what does it smell like? Whatever is available.

Do you believe in astrology? I believe I am a gemini and if you ever see two or more of us together, deny it all you like.

Do you get motion sickness? Yes, if conditions are favourable. Anyone who says they don't get motion sickness has never ridden out twelve foot swells in a zodiac or sat in the backseat of my car on the pacific coast highway.

Would you please mow my lawn? yes, I would. And I would fill up the mower and top off the oil when through.

What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently? Check out Bad Lip Reading on youtube. Brilliant.

Are you going to write a story about that conversation? Oh, probably. I'm writing one about this one as soon as I'm through.

JEFFREY GRANT BARR's picture
JEFFREY GRANT BARR from Central OR is reading Nothing but fucking Shakespeare, for the rest of my life September 2, 2012 - 1:43am

Are you alive? Roadwork, Richard Bachman.

Is your ring finger longer than your middle finger? Home Game, Paul Quarrington

Any September birthdays? The Things They Left Behind, Stephen King

Salt or pepper? Wool, Hugh Howey

What sort of soap do you use, and what does it smell like? Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk

Do you believe in astrology? The Fault in Our Stars, John Green

Do you get motion sickness? Not Wanted on the Voyage, Timothy Findley

Would you please mow my lawn? The Lawnmower Man, Stephen King

What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently? Romeo and Juliet, William Shakespeare

Are you going to write a story about that conversation? La Cantarella, Jeff Barr

underpurplemoon's picture
underpurplemoon from PDX September 2, 2012 - 7:43am

Are you alive? Yes.

Is your ring finger longer than your middle finger? Nope.

Any September birthdays? Nephew is turning six.

Salt or pepper? Salt.

What sort of soap do you use, and what does it smell like? Irish Spring.

Do you believe in astrology? Asian one.

Do you get motion sickness? No.

Would you please mow my lawn? You wouldn't want me to mow your lawn.

What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently? Talking with my BFF about sex is a new concept to me, so it's strange to me.

Are you going to write a story about that conversation? No, I keep my sexual talks private now.

Richard's picture
Richard from St. Louis is reading various anthologies September 2, 2012 - 10:21am

Are you alive? Sluggish, but yeah, still with the living. 

Is your ring finger longer than your middle finger? No, afraid not.

Any September birthdays? My dad passed away a few months ago, his was in September. Weird.

Salt or pepper? As much as I like heat, salt. Everything needs salt.

What sort of soap do you use, and what does it smell like? That's a little personal. JK. I use either
an Oil of Olay with Shea Butter or one of the Old Spice Fresh body washes, back and forth between Denali
and Fuji. So, yeah, I smell like a wet tiger. 

Do you believe in astrology? Sure. I'm a Scorpio, a water sign, and either my moon or ascending is also
a water sign, so lots of deep thoughts and emotions. There's enough there that I find it interesting.

Do you get motion sickness? Yeah, I can't read in a moving car.

Would you please mow my lawn? Are you coming on to me? So reckless, I love it. Sure, what time?
<wink>

What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently? Probably that whole Clint Eastwood with
the invisible Obama chair. Don't get me started. 

Are you going to write a story about that conversation? Probably not. Makes me too sad.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters September 2, 2012 - 1:06pm

"I smell like a wet tiger."

This is the funniest thing ever.

jyh's picture
jyh from VA is reading whatever he feels like September 2, 2012 - 5:42pm

Labor Day Weekend Is Lame

                ~or~

             I'm Lame

        a play in one act

The Players:

  • Me
  • The Dog
  • Odd Fellow
  • Expat Falangist
  • Jingoist Cretin

Scene 1: Saturday afternoon. The scene is a study; not a classy wood-paneled office, more an infant-sized bedroom with a low desk and a chair which seats too high. Me is sitting at the desk when scene begins.

Me - Gosh, even the internet is boring. (types on the computer, which takes up most of the desk) Oh wow. Is this Labor Day weekend? No one invited Me to anything. They used to invite Me to stuff. And Me used to go. They stopped inviting Me well after Me stopped going. Me guess that's a good sign. Not a good sign for how things are now, but a good sign that Me wasn't always "one of those guys" who never get invited to stuff. (moves the mouse) Who cares about Labor Day? Me hate it when people act like the holiday is stupid, even if the holiday is stupid.

The Dog enters from left and lies down a few feet from Me.

Me - You don't care about holidays.

The Dog - (lifts head) Woof. (lies head down)

Me - It doesn't even matter if they're stupid. (thinks for a moment) Me should call somebody.

Just then, the phone rings. Me looks briefly at audience then moves to answer the phone, waiting for it to be halfway through the fourth rings before he lifts the receiver.

Me - Hello? (time passes, during which Me makes regular, vaguely affirmative noises) Okay. Come on over. (goes back to desk)

While a few moments pass, The Dog moves around a bit. A doorbell rings. Me answers the door off-stage left. Odd Fellow enters followed by Me. Odd Fellow sits on a chair away from the desk. Me sits at desk, facing away from the computer. The Dog exits left.

Me - What's up, buddy?

Odd Fellow - Not a doggone thing.

Me - Fancy a beer?

OF - Fancy or not.

Me - Shut the fuck up you miserable shit! (points left, towards both Odd Fellow and left exit)

OF - (laughs for too long, during which time Me stands, still pointing) Okay, okay, okay, okay. I'll leave. (exits left, slowly but not dejectedly)

Me - (turns chair to face computer, clicks for few moments) News. What news? What's the news? What's new is news? New news. New-new's. New noose.

End Scene 1

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading A truckload of books September 2, 2012 - 8:02pm

Is "wet tiger" a desirable smell? Hopefully it smells better than "wet dog"...

Grigori Black's picture
Grigori Black from US is reading Radium Girls by Amanda Gowin September 2, 2012 - 9:29pm

Are you alive? At least until October. Then we'll see what the coroner's report says.

Is your ring finger longer than your middle finger? No.

Any September birthdays? Only one that matters.

Salt or pepper? Salt.

What sort of soap do you use, and what does it smell like? Axe 'Kilo'. As a result I've had my ceiling reinforced, windows barred, and my doors triple locked. Also, the local police have restraining orders pre-filled out. Just getting to my car in the morning without being mobbed is an adventure.

Do you believe in astrology? The stars say no.

Do you get motion sickness? No, but I have inner ear damage and unless I'm driving, every time a vehicle I'm riding in turns it feels like I'm sliding off the seat and out of the vehicle.

Would you please mow my lawn? No. I do however offer 'Roman Dissident Lawncare', where I will pour gasoline on your lawn, light it and then salt the earth so that nothing may grow there for four generations. Gravel lawns are all the rage, low maintenance too. Really.

What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently? While I was in Cambridge this weekend, a British gentleman assured me that he was leading the revolution against 'the establishment' and that they couldn't 'tax him into submission'. Also, that he disapproved of the rape of freedom and that NATO was poised to instill martal law and that the Olympics were just an elaborate smokescreen to conceal the deployment of NATO forces across the UK and that London was the staging ground. Unable to stop myself, I asked him why they hadn't already. His reply: The British government wasn't ready yet.

So I showed him my NATO ID and quietly informed him 'we're already here'.

Are you going to write a story about that conversation? No. Too busy writing my lawyers.

drea's picture
drea from Rural Alberta, Canada is reading between the lines September 2, 2012 - 11:16pm

@Richard 'What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently? Probably that whole Clint Eastwood with

the invisible Obama chair. Don't get me started."

 

plus a million.  

Seb's picture
Seb from Thanet, Kent, UK September 3, 2012 - 4:32am

Morning all. I'm new here, I've been reading the essays for a few weeks now but only just joined about 5 minutes ago, so I thought I'd reply to this and say hi.

Are you alive? Yes. Next.

Is your ring finger longer than your middle finger? No.

Any September birthdays? Yep, the 12th.

Salt or pepper? Salt, always.

What sort of soap do you use, and what does it smell like? It's pink and smells like a rich woman's fat arse. Or liquid soap made from mint leaves.

Do you believe in astrology? No

Do you get motion sickness? Only if I read in the car, which I really need to stop doing because I always throw up right after I crash.

Would you please mow my lawn? Not a chance, sorry.

What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently? Two boys trying to decide whether or not they should buy chicken tandoori sandwiches in a supermarket.

Are you going to write a story about that conversation? I think I just did, albeit briefly.

Jeff's picture
Jeff from Florida is reading Another Side of Bob Dylan by Victor Maymudes September 3, 2012 - 11:29am

Are you alive?  Finally, yes.

Is your ring finger longer than your middle finger?  No, I only broke it yesterday

Any September birthdays? Every day is.

Salt or pepper?  Salt is good for you. Pepper is hot. I choose not.

What sort of soap do you use, and what does it smell like? The usual kind, that makes you smell like a man.

Do you believe in astrology? Yes, are you my zodiac queen?

Do you get motion sickness? Only when I'm in trouble.

Would you please mow my lawn?  Does a tortoise shell?  Does a hare care?

What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently? This one.

Are you going to write a story about that conversation?  Most definitely.

voodoo_em's picture
voodoo_em from England is reading All the books by Tana French! September 4, 2012 - 1:46am

Are you alive? ~ It looks that way...

Is your ring finger longer than your middle finger? ~ No

Any September birthdays? ~ My hubby's

Salt or pepper? ~ both please :)

What sort of soap do you use, and what does it smell like? ~ Dove, it smells mmmmm nice, and doesn't irritate my sensitive skin

Do you believe in astrology? ~ I'm a Capricorn married to a Libra with Scorpio and Capricorn kids, we all fit most of our star-sign traits quite well. Also my tarot card is the Devil! But the stuff you find in magazines and newspapers...nah, thats a load of bull.

Do you get motion sickness? ~ Not so far, but i wouldn't want to be in a boat on a rough sea.

Would you please mow my lawn? ~ I could probably be talked in to it.

What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently? ~ my life is full of strange random conversations, unfortunately i can't think of one to put here.

Are you going to write a story about that conversation? ~ some of them probably inspire parts of my stories.

Bill Tucker's picture
Bill Tucker from Austin, Texas is reading Grimm's Fairy Tales (1st Edition) September 4, 2012 - 3:22pm

Are you alive?  -  Contrary to popular belief, yes I am!  Buried under an avalancheof knick-knacks, thingys and whos-a-whats-it's, but I'm still kicking.  My girlfriend moved in with me and while I love her to pieces, good God, she has alot of stuff.  Mashing all that mess into a Manhattan one bedroom is a beast.

Is your ring finger longer than your middle finger? - Nope

Any September birthdays? - Not I said the fly

Salt or pepper? - Salt.  Always salt.

What sort of soap do you use, and what does it smell like? - Dove for Men and it smells like....victory.

Do you believe in astrology? - Not really.

Do you get motion sickness? - Never!  In fact, I'm a roller coaster nut.  The faster, the better!

Would you please mow my lawn? - Sure, so long as after my chores are done I can go inside and chow down on some chocolate chip cookies while playing Duck Hunt on my NES.  Fuck that dog.

What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently? - Not quite strange, but sad.  A few weeks ago, I was sitting on the subway.  Across from me sat a little boy holding a scruffy dog in his lap.  Next to him sat his dad who spent the entire subway ride telling the boy how it's not his fault, how he never promised he would stay this time and if he thought that was the case, that was on him.  The kid was maybe 10.  The dad would say, "Look, your mom should've never told I was coming back for good." and the kid would just look down and tustle the dog's fir.  Never said a word.

Are you going to write a story about that conversation? - Now that you mention it...

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading A truckload of books September 4, 2012 - 9:44pm

Jesus that is awful, Bill.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters September 5, 2012 - 6:31am

Are you alive?  Only half alive right now.  Shooting for fully alive by 5pm.

Is your ring finger longer than your middle finger?  No, but my second toe is longer than my big toe!

Any September birthdays?  My son is turning 4 on the 17th.  Oh shit, I need to plan a party.

Salt or pepper?  Salt. 

What sort of soap do you use, and what does it smell like?  The box says it smells like peach, but I don't think it really does.

Do you believe in astrology?  YEEEESSSS.  I'm Sagittarius, which is a fire sign.  I don't completely buy into my daily horoscope (I DO read it), but I think the zodiac can tell you a lot about a person's personality.  And it's fun.

Do you get motion sickness?  So much.  Not as bad as when I was a kid, but I do.  I usually insist on driving on long trips, that keeps me safe.  The backseat is a no go if I'm traveling more than an hour, and I can't read in the car even to check the map. 

Would you please mow my lawn?  Obviously not.  That's why I keep asking strangers to do it.  Next year I'll totally be better about it. 

What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently?  I only caught a stray sentence of this one, but I liked it.  I was walking down the hall of the school where I work and a guy was going the opposite way with a girl.  She said, "I just want all my panties back."

Are you going to write a story about that conversation?  Nope.

jyh's picture
jyh from VA is reading whatever he feels like September 5, 2012 - 8:13am

Do you believe in astrology?  YEEEESSSS.

Dino Parenti's picture
Dino Parenti from Los Angeles is reading Everything He Gets His Hands On September 5, 2012 - 11:01am

Well, Bill, that story was a mass of hot buck-shot to the gut. I'll have to look at my godson later and try not to bawl my eyes out:)

Dwayne's picture
Dwayne from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updated September 5, 2012 - 12:36pm

@Bill - I'm picturing that as a comedy. After a minuite or two the kids looks over at you and says, "Mister, can you call the police please? I've never seen this guy before." I know that didn't happen, but still.

Lady Hazmat's picture
Lady Hazmat is reading Various Titles September 5, 2012 - 4:24pm

Oh this looks fun. I wanna play!

Are you alive? Yes. Unfortunately the same can't be said for all of my "patients"...

Is your ring finger longer than your middle finger? No. I'm sure someone has published a paper about the clinical insignificance of this.

Any September birthdays? My swister. Sep 11. The terrorists stole her birthday.

Salt or pepper? Pepper. The garlic variety.

What sort of soap do you use, and what does it smell like? I use liquid soap and it smells like pomegranate and mangos.

Do you believe in astrology? Mmmmmm. No.

Do you get motion sickness? Only when I watch other people play first person shooters.

Would you please mow my lawn? Nope. I don't even mow my own lawn. That's what roommates are for.

What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently? Some woman in an elevator explaining to her friend that the prostate is the male equivalent of ovaries. I pushed the button like a coke-addicted rat to escape.

Are you going to write a story about that conversation? I've recorded it in my WTF journal. Not sure if it'll make it into a story but there is a distinct possibility.

drea's picture
drea from Rural Alberta, Canada is reading between the lines September 5, 2012 - 8:47pm

@Lady Hazmat - clearly they were Republicans. 

Lady Hazmat's picture
Lady Hazmat is reading Various Titles September 5, 2012 - 8:55pm

Ha! Clearly. With a superior understanding of anatomy and physiology. I was intimidated by their medical prowess and had to excuse myself lest my ignorance be exposed. 

Mckay Williams's picture
Mckay Williams from Oakland, California is reading slowly... September 6, 2012 - 10:05am

Are you alive? I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer. (ugh.metric.)

Is your ring finger longer than your middle finger? It is not, but I totally had to check. My right index finger however is kinda Z shaped from a break that was never set. I mean, it's not that noticeable. I'm not a freak show. No one really can tell until I point it out. Maybe I should stop pointing it out. 

Any September birthdays? My grandmother will have her 82nd birthday this month. 

Salt or pepper? I like my Kettle Chips like I like my Clooney, with Salt and Pepper.

What sort of soap do you use, and what does it smell like? I have this Old Spice body wash that I got at Grocery Outlet. It smells like man. 

Do you believe in astrology? Strangely enough, the older I get the more I believe in astrology. I'm a Scorpio, which means I'm a sex god. I think. I dated three Pisces in a row and I don't think I can do that again. 

Do you get motion sickness? Only if I try to read in a car. 

Would you please mow my lawn? Will you pay me? Today is my last day at this temp assignment and I don't have anything else lined up yet. I'm broke. 

What’s the strangest conversation you’ve heard recently? My tweeker neighbors kept fighting night before last. The woman usually says "You're an idiot" and he says "You're a bitch" and they do this for a good three hours before my brain starts to melt and I put in headphones and try to fall asleep. This particular night though, they started with the idiot/bitch thing and then the woman called him the N word. Then the argument was: "You're a bitch" / "You're a nigger" over and over and over again until he finally said. "I'm white!" and she said. "YEAH, YOU'RE A WHITE NIGGER". 

I was outside smoking with my neighbor, who happens to be a black man, and we both started laughing so hard that they heard us and went inside. It was pretty strange. The comedic timing doesn't work as well on paper.

Are you going to write a story about that conversation? I think I just did?

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading A truckload of books September 6, 2012 - 11:37am

Thanks Mckay, now that song is in my head. 

Dino Parenti's picture
Dino Parenti from Los Angeles is reading Everything He Gets His Hands On September 6, 2012 - 3:03pm

@McKay: Dude, you nailed the Old Spice thing; it tries to hard to smell like "man," when I thought the point of soap was to lose the musk?

Stacy Kear's picture
Stacy Kear from Bucyrus, Ohio lives in New Jersey is reading The Art of War September 6, 2012 - 3:39pm

I read Renee's

now that song is in my head 

Comment Before Mckay's comment and for some reason my brain thought of the salt and pepper question and now I have, "Salt and Pepper's here, and we're in effect. Want you to push it babe. Push it, push it real good." 

then read Bill's story and feel horrible for having such an upbeat tune on replay in my head. I'm conflicted.

 

Dino Parenti's picture
Dino Parenti from Los Angeles is reading Everything He Gets His Hands On September 6, 2012 - 9:02pm

@Stacy: You wouldn't be writing if you weren't conflicted:) Own it!

Dino Parenti's picture
Dino Parenti from Los Angeles is reading Everything He Gets His Hands On September 6, 2012 - 9:02pm

@Stacy: You wouldn't be writing if you weren't conflicted:) Own it!

Stacy Kear's picture
Stacy Kear from Bucyrus, Ohio lives in New Jersey is reading The Art of War September 7, 2012 - 1:58pm

@ Dino, it owns me