I'm writing a fictional 1st person memoir. A summary of the plot is that a super villain named 'Villain' fights a far worse monster referred to as 'Slaughter'. The monster is so horrible and outside human understanding people who speak of it (Slaughter) are unsure how grammar rules apply. 'Villain' debates which would be a better term for 'Slaughter'; 'he' or 'it'. He also wonders if the term 'feelings' is appropriate. Anyone have any thoughts or suggestions?
I think comic books have this down pretty well. Comic books do a lot with a few words, and given the proper suspension of disbelief (which, given your premise, you will need), comic book dialgue, done correctly, will win the day for you.
Your question is kind of confusing.
@Sands - I edited it to be a bit more clear, but you always say that.
@Jeff - True, but they have the help of pictures. Which makes me wonder if maybe I should add a few drawings, like one per chapter or such. I Don't want to wonder over into full comic book.
@Dwayne, with ebooks etc nowadays, it's probably easier than ever to include illos to... illustrate your meaning. I can't wait for the day of embedded audio/video in Kindle books. However, I don't think comic writers rely too much on the illos to convey feelings. Also, I think I'm more confused by your clarified entry than I was originally. Of course, I am much, much drunker.
Plan is working!
@Jeffy They got A/V embedded in ebooks already. The last Stephen King book I got on the Nook had some cool video extras at the end, and something else had some audio extras. Can't say I've seen any multimedia actually woven into the narrative that I remember though. What I really want to see, and don't know why I've never seen it yet, is animated .gif book covers. That would just be the coolest thing to me.
@Dwayne, have it work out like it would in real life. The guy acknowledges that he doesn't know what to call it, but then an "it" or "he" sticks and that's what he thinks of it as. Acknowledge it and move on. Same thing happens in all this zombie lore when people don't want to just say "oh shit, there's some zombies over there." They say walkers or biters or crazies or whatever.
Feelings?
Sorry about the wait Sands, missed your post. He knows that the creature in question is so inhuman that it does not think or act like any human ever has/could/would. He knows that it has things it is more likely to do then others, and things it is unlikely to do.
I could have just opened fire, and so could he. At the time I wasn’t sure why he would do that, why he would hesitate after I’d shown that I could hurt him. I was waiting as long as I could so civilians would have time to flee. He however hadn’t ever shown any hesitance to fight (or maybe kill is a more accurate term since the list of those who can oppose him is horribly short) anything that would benefit him. Or might benefit him. Or he could just get away with. I don’t want to anamorphize that thing by attributing human emotions to it, but I think it liked killing. Or at least when it comes to killing, it comes as close as it can to having a feeling. Or is it a he? Like I said the grammar breaks down when you talk about Slaughter.
Villian sure thinks a lot. Could you show this in his actions, too? It might work to show Villian hesitating, and then giving a little of his thought process to why he doesn't kill the creature right away. That way, it's not all in-his-head confusion.
Also, wouldn't a bad-guy be looking at Slaughter as a tool or weapon to use for himself? You probably cover that, but if not....
Second thought about this:
This sounds like a play-on-word gag that reminds me of a Marx Brother's comedy bit or something written by Tom Stoppard. Are you going for comic relief with this part when other people talk about the monster?
You could create more mystery, more build up, something like this:
Both of us could have just opened fire, but neither of us did. I was waiting as long as I could so civilians would have time to flee, but this creature was not like me. Why hesitate after I’d shown that I could inflict pain? There had never been any previous hesitance to fight (or maybe kill is a more accurate term since the list of successful opponents is horribly short) when it would be of benefit. Or might be of benefit. Or just for the sake of it. I don’t want to anamorphize that thing by attributing human emotions to it, but I think it liked killing. Or at least when it comes to killing, it comes as close as it can to having a feeling. Or is it a he?
@Brain - I know from the part here it isn't clear, but Villain doesn't know if he can kill the thing, but the post was mainly to get some feed back on the grammar.
Some did try to use Slaughter to their own ends, but he killed them. He also killed every other note worthy super humans or power player besides himself and Villain, so not a lot of them left to try to take advantage of them at this point in the story. Hence the name Slaughter. As for the thought that is true, but this is the only part so far that isn't all action so I'm okay with him being locked in his head for a moment. What exactly sounds like word play?
@Seb - I might, but that is for the revision phase. Right now I'm in the "how do I right this thing" phase.
