I'm taking a quick break from my NaNo novel because I'm just wondering if you guys have any way you show a pause in your character's dialogue?
For example, one of my main characters throws a pack of smokes to his friend and says:
You might need it more than me, man…Plus my old man doesn’t like me bringing home smokes anyways.
Does anyone else use the "..." to show a pause or do you have a better method?
Sometimes I break it up into different paragraphs and my character does some sort of gesture with what he is saying, but I feel like that might get confusing sometimes since some people may read it as two different characters speaking back and forth when it is just one character pausing while he speaks. (Hopefully what I said doesn't sound to confusing.)
Any tips?
I trust the LitReactor community more than the NaNoWriMo forums. Just saying.
Josef...
What you have works, so long as we know that he's holding a pack of smokes before the dialogue. The ellipsis should be saved for use in dialogue, mainly to show the character trailing off his/her words.
Fuck it. You know you're such a... Nevermind.
- Something to that effect. I pulled that from an actual chat message to my ex.
In the example you have it may be clearer for you to say something like: "You might need it more than me, man," and I toss him the pack. "Plus my old man doesn't like me bringing home smokes any way."
The Harbrace College Handbook says of the Ellipsis: 'Ellipsis points mark an omission form a quoted passage or a reflective pause or hesitation.
Hope this helped in some way.
~Rian
Your character doesn't have to make guestures, they could feel things internally (endorphines, adrenaline, anxiety) or focus on specific and relevant details that emphasize the nature of the pause.
But for that one, I would be too tempted to use that pause to let the man light up his smoke.
As a reader, I find ellipses rather grating. Used sparingly, they're not so bad, but too many people way overdo it. Nothing makes me want to smack a character harder than when every other sentence ends that way. nkwilczy has the right idea here--use the pause as an opportunity to add characterization or other detail.
I agree with Moon on showing a pause with an action. When you use an ellipses, the pause I feel is softer. If you want a hard pause, I'd toss in an action. It depends on the sort of feel you want in the dialog.
what i do is use an elipsis, and/or an um or a yeah or a like, or even a S/HE PAUSED or S/HE BREATHED IN
he talks out the side of his mouth, the way liars do, the cherry of his camel writing in smoke and after images. smoke comes out the corner of his mouth and it stops, contemplating the next sentence of fire and smoke....
I think either an ellipses or breaking the dialogue up with an action work. An action may be preferable, but if it exists solely to create a pause, I think it's better to go with an ellipses. Also, I think of an ellipses as being similar to a comma or an emdash, so I don't capitalize the word that follows it.
You can also use a dash and follow that with a quotation mark if the character is interrupted while they are speaking rather than pauses.
I see commas, em-dashes, periods, and ellipses as very different types of sentence traffic control. For me, a period is a stop light that marks the end of a stretch of words. A comma is a stop sign where you pause briefly before continuing on. An em-dash is blinker warning of an oncoming change, and ellipses are those signs that tell you to slow the hell down. (In addition to this, an ellipses with a question mark or explanation point a the end of it is a yellow light warning you a red light's on it's way.)
As you can see by my descriptions, I don't know how to drive.
Forgive the childish comparison, but my creative muscles are a bit sore from lack of use this week.
I think ellipses should only be used to signify a pause in dialogue or in prose that is conversationalist.
Interesting idea about traffic control!
I think of it in terms of how I breathe whenI read it - I know that sounds odd.
A ellipses is a trail away. "All right...I'm glad it's a girl." The air goes out like a slow leak.
A comma is a short break to get a breath. "It was the only compliment I ever gave him, because I disapproved of him from beginning to end."
A dash just depends. "So I walked away and left him standing there in the moonlight — watching over nothing." Sometimes a dash can express words that aren't even there. Sometimes it is a sharp intake of breath, sometimes it makes you hold your breath. But in general, there is much more lingering over a em-dash than other punctuations.
And then there is all three at once. "It eluded us then, but that’s no matter — tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther.... And one fine morning —
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."
And then it's all really really magic.
I'm more of an 'insert action' for pauses. Reflect the type of pause with the type of action.
"All right." He runs his hands softly across his face. "I'm glad it's a girl."
"It was the only compliment I ever gave him," he confesses. "Because I disapproved of him from beginning to end."
"It eluded us then, but that’s no matter," he paces the floor. "Tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther. And one fine morning." His train of thought derailed, he stomps a foot. "So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."
@bryanhowie - Really? Did you really just re-write F. Scott Fitzgerald. I'm divorcing you.
I wasn't saying it was better, I was just saying that's how I would do it. Wait... we're married? Forget the Fitz, let's talk about the honeymoon.
Well, not anymore.
Come back to Ike, baby. I'll never hurt you again.
Ha! Heard that one before!