Stacy Kear's picture
Stacy Kear from Bucyrus, Ohio lives in New Jersey is reading The Art of War March 13, 2012 - 8:41pm

I wrote this story quickly for a friend who is starting a new Zine.  I am not happy with it but he is ready to publish "as is" because it is due this week.

I did my own LBL for practice because I had never done one and because I have specific questions regarding parts of the story. The LBL and formatted version is attached to the last post.

I know everyone is busy but any help at all will be very very helpful. I don't want to put out a piece of shit just because my friend wants to fill his Zine.

Desperately yours,

Stacy

****sorry if this shouldn't have been a thread, I didn't know how else to beg. :-)

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human March 13, 2012 - 9:05pm

EDIT

Renfield's picture
Renfield from Hell is reading 20th Century Ghosts March 13, 2012 - 9:00pm

Is your story in the workshop? What story are you referring to here?

A new zine is the perfect place to send a shitty story. It's either that or trash it. Or write something better, no use polishing a turd. But either way, I'm sure me or some other workshoppers will take a look if you posted it over there.

bryanhowie's picture
bryanhowie from FW, ID is reading East of Eden. Steinbeck is FUCKING AMAZING. March 13, 2012 - 9:00pm

Is it in the workshop?  

Stacy Kear's picture
Stacy Kear from Bucyrus, Ohio lives in New Jersey is reading The Art of War March 13, 2012 - 9:05pm

It's in workshop

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 14, 2012 - 2:33am

I'll take a gander

Stacy Kear's picture
Stacy Kear from Bucyrus, Ohio lives in New Jersey is reading The Art of War March 14, 2012 - 4:22am

Thanks

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 14, 2012 - 4:25am

I'll leave your notes in place, go through with mine and then comment on yours as well. K? 

Stacy Kear's picture
Stacy Kear from Bucyrus, Ohio lives in New Jersey is reading The Art of War March 14, 2012 - 7:08am

That would be great

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 14, 2012 - 7:09am

I am on page 17, so you should get it shortly. It should be just about ready to be published, I only noticed some minor things. 

bryanhowie's picture
bryanhowie from FW, ID is reading East of Eden. Steinbeck is FUCKING AMAZING. March 14, 2012 - 7:10am

My lbl and comment are up.  The are purely suggestions of course, but I think you've got a GREAT central idea that deals with relationships and gender.  I don't want to rewrite or derail you from your story, but I had suggestions that cut the story down to the meaningful scenes and the theme of make-up.  I hope it's helpful.

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading The Last Thing He Wanted by Joan Didion; Story Structure Architect by Victoria Lynn Schimdt PH.D; Creating Characters by the editors of Writer's Digest March 14, 2012 - 7:13am

I hope to have something for you tonight. I read it and the core idea is great. I just hope I do t have the same comments as Howie. I'm a word economist, so I'll have a lot of places where you could cut words. But, overall, very enjoyable.

Stacy Kear's picture
Stacy Kear from Bucyrus, Ohio lives in New Jersey is reading The Art of War March 14, 2012 - 3:02pm

Thanks so much for taking the time to help me. :-)