avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters February 8, 2012 - 9:00pm

Since we talked about maybe doing some writing exercises here in the forums, I thought I would try and find one for us to get our feet wet with.  Yes, I Googled this.  Give me a break.  I'm trying.

While modifiers -- adjectives and adverbs -- can add to a story, too many, or the wrong ones, can bog down your prose and lead to weaker nouns and verbs. This writing exercise, by forcing you to hold off on modifiers altogether, will challenge you to choose your nouns and verbs with care.

Write a paragraph with no modifiers.  It can be about anything. 

 


 

postpomo's picture
postpomo from Canada is reading words words words February 8, 2012 - 9:08pm

great idea for a thread {cracking knuckles} .. I think I'll sleep on it first...

Alex Kane's picture
Alex Kane from west-central Illinois is reading Dark Orbit February 8, 2012 - 9:28pm

Troy slipped into the car and handed her the bag. She took it, looked over its contents, and nodded. Troy signaled the driver with a wave of the hand, and the car sped off into the city's hinterlands. Headlights pushed back the night, framing the road in a tunnel of shadow and illuminating the snow that rushed past outside.

(Feels good, writing like this. Not sure if it suits my "style," and there's nothing original in this little piece of story, but it's a good experiment for building strong, efficient sentences.)

Charles's picture
Charles from Portland is reading Mongrels by Stephen Graham Jones February 8, 2012 - 9:35pm

*does this already*

Bekanator's picture
Bekanator from Kamloops, British Columbia is reading Ugly Girls by Lindsay Hunter February 8, 2012 - 10:28pm

She cut up the photos on the mantel, made dolls out of memories so nostalgia could fester somewhere new.  Her boys and her husband could go anywhere in Travel and Leisure.  They could cruise around Alaska.  They could fly to London.  They could relax in Hawaii.  They could float in words, in purgatory.  Because anywhere would be better than being in her house alone.

It's a good exercise to start with, Avery.  For an extra challenge you can try to cut out all grammatical modifiers.  Really strip the paragraph down. 

I particularly liked this line from Alex's: "Headlights pushed back the night...", although if you wanted to rid the grammatical modifier, the word "back" could be removed and the sentence would still read fine.

Utah's picture
Moderator
Utah from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry February 10, 2012 - 1:23pm

He woke up.  The sheet was twisted around his legs.  He stood, tripped, fought back vomit.  Hand on his stomach, he went into the bathroom.  Squinting against the lights, he stared at the mirror.  Something about the face.  Not trusting his equilibrium, he sat to piss.  Looked at his legs.  Stared at his legs.  The room spun.

Nighty Nite's picture
Nighty Nite from NJ is reading Grimscribe: His Lives and Works February 10, 2012 - 1:58pm

The flashlight flickered against shadows. She couldn't focus. Her vision blurred. Something growled. The world shuddered. Her eyes could not adjust. She closed them, and she prayed.

Jose F. Diaz's picture
Jose F. Diaz from Boston is reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel February 10, 2012 - 1:58pm

I'm horrible with identifying parts of a sentence. I know, I know. This will be tough for me. How much are to write for the practice? Where are we posting it? And who is evaluating? Just so I know the ground rules.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters February 10, 2012 - 2:19pm

Well, you post it here.  And no one is evaluating it. 

Jose F. Diaz's picture
Jose F. Diaz from Boston is reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel February 10, 2012 - 2:20pm

but homework is supposed to be graded....*tear*

Utah's picture
Moderator
Utah from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry February 10, 2012 - 2:28pm

Diaz, do you have any books that are dedicated to writing lessons and then have prompts at the ends of the chapters?

Boone Spaulding's picture
Boone Spaulding from Coldwater, Michigan, U.S.A. is reading Solarcide Presents: Nova Parade February 10, 2012 - 4:56pm

Recognize a modifier when you see one.

Modifiers are words, phrases, or clauses that provide description in sentences. Modifiers allow writers to take the picture that they have in their heads and transfer it accurately to the heads of their readers. Essentially, modifiers breathe life into sentences. Take a look at this "dead" sentence:

"Stephen dropped his fork."

Now read what several well placed modifiers can do:

"Poor Stephen, who just wanted a quick meal to get through his three-hour biology lab, quickly dropped his fork on the cafeteria tray, gagging with disgust as a tarantula wiggled out of his cheese omelet, a sight requiring a year of therapy before Stephen could eat eggs again."

Modifiers can be adjectives, adjective clauses, adverbs, adverb clauses, absolute phrases, infinitive phrases, participle phrases, and prepositional phrases. The sentence above contains at least one example of each:


Adjective = poor.

Adjective clause = who just wanted a quick meal.

Adverb = quickly.

Adverb clause = as a tarantula wiggled out of his cheese omelet.

Absolute phrase = a sight requiring a year of therapy before Stephen could eat eggs again.

Infinitive phrase = to get through his three-hour biology lab.

Participle phrase = gagging with disgust.

Prepositional phrase = on the cafeteria tray.

Jose F. Diaz's picture
Jose F. Diaz from Boston is reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel February 10, 2012 - 5:18pm

Boone: I completely forgot about grammar since it isn't a big part of the military. This is going to be like jumping into the deep end of a arctic lake. Phuc-mai!