... I own a vintage typewriter?
I recently used one to write a letter to my sister out in Boston, mainly out of curiosity. I thought it was pretty cool, so I took to eBay and my own should be arriving over the weekend. I'm not sure if I'll be using it at this point.
Now before you determine my possible douchiness, you should know that:
-I do not own a tweed coat with leather patches on it
-I do not smoke a pipe and constantly say "faaaaascinating."
-Frankly, I don't even feel comfortable calling myself a writer.
Now, before I get crucified... I'm not saying that any one of those things would make someone a douche. Though combined, sorry, I consider that pretty douchified.
I don't think that qualifies you as a douche if you're just using it to write stuff because you like it. If you were to throw it at me then yes, I would probably call you a douche, but otherwise, no.
You are a douche if you say cruel things to people who are vulnerable and haven't provoked you.
You are a douche if you tell your lover things to make them a bit jealous.
You are a douche if you have ever seriously considered becoming an indie filmmaker after watching something by Lars von Trier.
You are not a douche for owning a typewriter, even if you lie to it or use it in the set of an indie film.
@James, hell no. I flipped $80 for that thing.
@Fylh, something tells me you're not a fan of indie films...
I like indie films, I just don't like most indie filmmakers.
Ah, touche. I've met one (well, he claimed to be) and yep... douche.
It's almost impossible to meet anyone who calls himself an indie filmmaker without discovering within the first ten minutes that he's like, fucking bored with Hollywood, man, and that he's like, trying to put together this crew for this uh, like a film but without a musical soundtrack, and that, like, he think she can fuck the girl he's cast as the lead.
I have a vintage typewriter on my desk that I don't use, and have to push back to set up my MacBook Pro.
...
I just realized I'm a douche.
@Fylh, almost verbatim.
@Sparrow, is it for display... or do you just like being able to edit your stuff more than crumplimg the paper and starting over?
It's for display. I bought it on a whim four years ago when I moved into this house, and it sat in the garage for three years. When I set up my new writing space I stuck it on the desk to block view of all the wires and stuff. I doubt it is operational, it's fairly rusty.
Also most writers are douches from the minute they start receiving rejections until roughly their sixth published story. That's the "dishing out advice" phase.
The combination of inflated ego and insecurity is a hard one to deal with Fylh.
Eh, I personally dont think that's douchey. It was rusting away in your garage for years, and now it's there to block wires and stuff.
Luckily, I don't give advice... as I am in your defined douchey phase.
Jeffrey, you certainly don't strike me as douchey. YOU PASS!
*clever GIF*
We have at least 20 vintage typewriters in various stages of repair, douchbaggery at it's finest. Anyone want a typewriter to look cool next to your Mac or PC cause they are stacked up like an episode of hoarders in my house.
I am also a Jeffrey, but I am a terrible douche. The gweat and tewwible douche! I am also very fond of giving out unsolicited advice, and I have a huge ego and I am very insecure.
This is the pickup line thread, right?
What I really wanted to say was yes, yes your a douche and not even read the content of your post, damn it.
Jeffrey Grant Barr is our resident douche. We just need the one.
Haha you probably are a lady Killa Jeffrey Grant Barr
Jeffrey, I admire you, your humor... and your epic beard.
"Jeffrey, I admire you,"
No, don't.
Jeffrey S.. Wright is hiding his naked chin in shame
Naked, no. Epic, still no.
Hidden chin avatar is better than all chin avatar. The ladies of LitReactor know this to be true.
Hahahaha That was evil
Hidden chin = LitReactor swoonage. Got it.
Something like that.
I collect vintage typewriters. I don't own a tweed coat with leather patches on it, nor do I smoke a pipe and constantly say "faaaaascinating." Hmm...maybe I should.
I have one typewriter that I like from the 60's that I think I'll buy ribbon for and use. It doesn't make you a douche using a typewriter. I've never even thought of a douche while thinking of using the typewriter.
If your one of those hipster douche bags - then you're probably a douche. I think you're safe.
Thankfully, I'm not a hipster douche bag and believe me, I'm happy about it.
Faaaaascinating.
I keep telling you guys: JGB is not a douche. He's just ironic without, I hope, being a hipster.
JGB, if you are a hipster I take all that back and retroactively side with your detractors.
He said himself he is a douche. What more proof do you need, man??
Let's build our case, shall we?
- I am pretty sure he used instagram for his picture.
- He is comically elitist about everything. Music, books, writing styles, adverbs.
- He has a pretty epic beard
- He owns a typewriter
- I thought he lived in Oregon, but now it says Milwaukee. Both are hotbeds of hipsterdom.
- He uses his full name instead of a username.
I'm sure there is more. Based on the evidence, I can say Jeffrey S. Wright is in fact, a hipster douche bag. He read this book once. It was obscure. You've never heard about it.
Matt - you appear to be confusing two members...
Oh shit. So I was talking about the other Jeff. My blended Jeff hipster list stands. Owning a typewriter alone doesn't make you one however.
So to be clear:
Jeffrey Grant Barr is a douche.
Jeffrey S. Wright seems fine...so far.
Agreed. So far.
I do own a tweed coat with the patches on it.
Jelous bitches.
Let's build our case, shall we?
I am pretty sure he used instagram for his picture.
He is comically elitist about everything. Music, books, writing styles, adverbs.
He has a pretty epic beard
He owns a typewriter
I thought he lived in Oregon, but now it says Milwaukee. Both are hotbeds of hipsterdom.
He uses his full name instead of a username.
JGB: Your rebuttal? I'm doing my best to hold the line here, but this hipsterish list is pretty compelling and could sway the jury. Do you have contradictory evidence? Character witnesses? Arrest records for anything involving assault (closed hand, none of that slappy, hair-pully "assault" hipsters like to bring up to show the world how hard they are)? Have you ever worked construction? Do you own firearms (Derringers do not count; they are lady-guns that could be used as ironic props)?
Jelous bitches."
Are you asking or telling? LOL
I would be curious to see what JGB's response is to my compelling case. I almost feel this thread now needs the Law and Order theme.
There is nothing wrong with smoking a pipe, it's far more cost effective than cigarettes. 1 oz of tobacco is only about 5-7 bucks and last me about a week.
Yeah and Travis Bickle wore a tweed coat!
that's exaclty what a hipster would say... I feel like we're having a commie hunt here.
I'll get the electric chair!
No. Make that 3 tweed coats!
Pretty much anything can classify someone as a hipster these days. Everyone has hipster qualities I suppose. It's inevitable.
I used to be a very heavy smoker, but I didn't do cigarettes. I was smoking about 50 cigarillos a day sometimes, and the pipe.
Quitting was the hardest thing I put myself through in the name of NOT DYING.
To answer Matt's Super-Happy Fun List:
- I am pretty sure he used instagram for his picture. - Me? My wife took my picture. She is a photographer by trade, but even she can't make me look you know, good.
- He is comically elitist about everything. Music, books, writing styles, adverbs. - Guilty as charged. I am a total doucehnozzle in this respect.
- He has a pretty epic beard - Thanks, I grew it myself.
- He owns a typewriter - That's the other Jeffrey. Mr. Jeffrey S. Wright, Esq.
- I thought he lived in Oregon, but now it says Milwaukee. Both are hotbeds of hipsterdom. - I do live in Oregon, but not the hipster part. I live in the boonies, and I fucking hate Oregon.
- He uses his full name instead of a username. - That's because I login with Facebook. I assume Mr. Wright does as well, though I don't know.
In conclusion, I would say I'm more of a dick than a douche, whereas Jeffrey Wright seems like a normal (for a writer) person. As far as hipsterism, I am in the wrong age-bracket.
Thank you for your support Utah! Fylh, good job. I quit smoking about 5 years ago now, and it was pretty soul-rending.
@JGB That is a logical and lucid argument.
*clearing throat*
