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Prompt?
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Prompt was "I had to tell the little girl not to cry."
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@Frank & Moon: The prompt was, "I had to tell the little girl to stop crying."
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Two great and very different stories, guys. I'm going to think about this one overnight.
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@Dwayne, my bad.
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@J.R. - Stop being so defensive and learn to spell my name. It was a simple statement of fact. If I was upset no one's reaction would be 'simmer down.'
@Frank - Not a big deal, I just like to have all the facts straight when it involves things I did.
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^ Simmer down
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@J.R. - I did it once, after you got mine wrong to point out your typo. I noticed weeks ago, but you seemed determined to keep it up until I replied. I read them and voted in the poll.
And if you are referencing the SNL skit I believe it is spelled 'simma down now'.
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Except when they use celeb names. So Donna Summers was the way JR spelled it, and the one with David Schwimmer was "Schwimmer down now". And I just edited to note that I had originally missed what led to this line of conversation...
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Glad to see that everyone's making up. Let's have a toast. Renee, this one's me. :-)
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Hahaha.
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Favorite Bosstones song...
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Does anyone want to hear my moon-phone story?*
*It isn't a story about a real moon-phone, but the phrase was one I used years before this site was up.
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That's no moon-phone, it's a space station. Or a trap... duno.
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The words, "that's no moon-phone" is indeed part of the story. No Star Wars lines though.
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I read and voted.
Great stories guys :)
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That's a great prompt. I'm gonna read these babies tonight after work!
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nice work guys!
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@Bek - Thanks, I've been working on it for over a year, first one I got to give.
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Good work, fellas.
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Wow, both good stories.
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Bump
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bump
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Dug these both. This was a tricky prompt for sure. Nice job.
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Read and voted!
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Bump
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Bump, 3 days voting left! (I think)
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I voted on this!
Be sure and give thse guys some love.
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Quality craftsmanship, gentlemen.
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Quality craftsmanship, gentlemen.
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I want discussion, goddamnit, so I'm going to talk about these stories. Don't read lower if you haven't read them yet!
--- don't read below this line ---
So, in the end, my vote went to London Bridges. Needing to articulate the reasons I vote the way I did has made me super aware of the contradictions in what I thought was my voting style and what actually is my voting style.
First of all, before I go any farther, I want to note that I loved both of these stories. Like, loved with all my heart. They each broke my heart. But, of course, there's a but.
The Book of Broken Glass needs a lot of work. The plot is so beautiful and heart-wrenching and really captivated me. The grammatical errors and typos, though, really tore me away from the story. That was one of the reasons that my vote ultimately went to London Bridges. Even though London Bridges had typos, too, they were less noticeable because the story was longer. I noted this in Sound v. Renfield, too, because it's worth noting: the proportion of typos and word count make a huge difference in the way they're looked at.
I do think that TBOBG had more typos, but either way, they were inherently more noticeable because of the length. And even though the plot and world were beautiful and complex and deep, the characters were a little shallow and stereotypical. I didn't feel anything from either character, and although there was definitely a change in the narrator, it wasn't one I could really put my finger on because I couldn't put my finger on him very well.
London Bridges was heart-breaking, but its effect was dampened considerably because it was predictable. As soon as I saw that they were getting on a plane, I thought, Well, there goes the mother and daughter. It's partially because of the preface, but more so the entire plot. When you write a story about suicide and trace it back to its cause, and there's a love story and child involved, well... usually, it involves either death or divorce.
I definitely thought that TBOBG was way more unique and original than LB, but that wasn't enough for me in this case. Other times, like in Photon v. Ryan, I've been partially compelled to vote the way I did because the story I voted for was obviously more original and authentic than the other. This battle reminds me of Renfield v. Sound, though, because the story I voted for was the less original one, but had better mechanics and voice.
I think, ultimately, this battle came down to voice for me. A lot of the time, my first criteria is writing -- the technical prowess. Even though I could tell that both of these stories had incredible, immense potential, I didn't feel that the writing was either author's best work. (I've read stories by the both of you and I truly believe that you didn't do as well as you could, but if this is your "not the best" work, you're still lightyears ahead of some writers). The voice in LB, though, far overwhelmed the voice in TBOBG and it really swung me towards it.
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bump
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Jon, I think somewhere I misspelled your name by adding an H, and for that I will accept all the violence I deserve.
Oh, and bump, motherfuckers.
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I've read and voted in all of these battles, what feels like ages ago. I want to know who wrote what and who wins!
:)
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I second this. I demand satisfaction!
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Wait!
I didn't mean right now.... sheesh.
Congratulations Jonathan! You're welcome!
And if Frank Chapel ever seeks revenge, here is his revenge theme:
FULL SCREEN FOR MAXIMUM TERROR
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Strangely cute and strangely terrifying.
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Mine wasn't a request. I never request.
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Congrats Jon!
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Congrats Jon, im happy to have participated, Im digging the short story stuff and im actually getting stories done here.
P.S. i love sloth, er is it sloths?
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Congrats Jon! Also, you did a great job too, Frank.
Jon, I waited until now to respond to your email. You said that you tend to go too predictable because you're afraid of being too subtle; I think you definitely overcorrected for this one, but I was very impressed by both stories, so it was at least a non-fatal mistake!
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