Jonathan Riley's picture
Jonathan Riley from Memphis, Tennessee is reading Flashover by Gordon Highland April 4, 2013 - 5:00pm
The Book of Broken Glass by Frank Chapel
26% (5 votes)
London Bridges by Jonathan Riley
74% (14 votes)
Total votes: 19

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading The Last Thing He Wanted by Joan Didion; Story Structure Architect by Victoria Lynn Schimdt PH.D; Creating Characters by the editors of Writer's Digest April 4, 2013 - 5:29pm

Prompt?

Frank Chapel's picture
Frank Chapel from California is reading Thomas Ligotti's works April 4, 2013 - 5:40pm

Prompt was "I had to tell the little girl not to cry."

Jonathan Riley's picture
Jonathan Riley from Memphis, Tennessee is reading Flashover by Gordon Highland April 4, 2013 - 6:31pm

I'm going to edit the stories now and put the prompt under the titles

*Edit*

Prompt is now under the titles of the stories in their .doc files

Dwayne's picture
Dwayne from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updated April 4, 2013 - 7:44pm

@Frank & Moon: The prompt was, "I had to tell the little girl to stop crying."

Jonathan Riley's picture
Jonathan Riley from Memphis, Tennessee is reading Flashover by Gordon Highland April 4, 2013 - 8:00pm

@Dewayne. Simmer down now. It says "I had to tell the little girl to sop crying." under the title of each story. Go read them and vote. Please. :)

Mess_Jess's picture
Mess_Jess from Sydney, Australia, living in Toronto, Canada is reading Perfect by Rachael Joyce April 4, 2013 - 8:03pm

Two great and very different stories, guys. I'm going to think about this one overnight.

Frank Chapel's picture
Frank Chapel from California is reading Thomas Ligotti's works April 4, 2013 - 8:24pm

@Dwayne, my bad.

Dwayne's picture
Dwayne from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updated April 4, 2013 - 9:31pm

@J.R. - Stop being so defensive and learn to spell my name. It was a simple statement of fact. If I was upset no one's reaction would be 'simmer down.'

@Frank - Not a big deal, I just like to have all the facts straight when it involves things I did.

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading The Last Thing He Wanted by Joan Didion; Story Structure Architect by Victoria Lynn Schimdt PH.D; Creating Characters by the editors of Writer's Digest April 4, 2013 - 9:38pm

^ Simmer down

Jonathan Riley's picture
Jonathan Riley from Memphis, Tennessee is reading Flashover by Gordon Highland April 4, 2013 - 9:46pm

@ Dwayne.

I know how to spell your name. I've spelled it wrong on purpose over and over ever since you spelled mine wrong. This is the first time you caught it.

Also, I didn't think you were upset. I just love saying "simmer down" ever since that Saturday Night Live skit with the phone book and Donna Summers name. Summas Don Na. Classic.

Either way. The read our stories part was exclamatory and not a joke. Don't know if you have yet, but I'd like to request that you do.

Dwayne's picture
Dwayne from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updated April 4, 2013 - 9:58pm

@J.R. - I did it once, after you got mine wrong to point out your typo. I noticed weeks ago, but you seemed determined to keep it up until I replied. I read them and voted in the poll.

And if you are referencing the SNL skit I believe it is spelled 'simma down now'.

Jonathan Riley's picture
Jonathan Riley from Memphis, Tennessee is reading Flashover by Gordon Highland April 4, 2013 - 10:13pm

@ Dwayne. You are right on all accounts. (Except that you spelled mine wrong first)

Glad you spoke up or I would had continued. I didn't know you noticed spelling mine wrong so I made a game of it.

As far as the SNL skit goes, I never saw it spelled out so was quite sure I got it wrong, I was just going with phonetics. But the Summers, Donna thing, there is no way to know how they spell that.

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig April 4, 2013 - 10:14pm

Except when they use celeb names. So Donna Summers was the way JR spelled it, and the one with David Schwimmer was "Schwimmer down now". And I just edited to note that I had originally missed what led to this line of conversation... 

 
 
Anyway, both awesome stories, both different but I love that there is always some collective unconscious in these competitions--this time it was books ;)
R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading The Last Thing He Wanted by Joan Didion; Story Structure Architect by Victoria Lynn Schimdt PH.D; Creating Characters by the editors of Writer's Digest April 4, 2013 - 10:19pm

Glad to see that everyone's making up. Let's have a toast. Renee, this one's me. :-)

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig April 4, 2013 - 10:28pm

Hahaha.

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading The Last Thing He Wanted by Joan Didion; Story Structure Architect by Victoria Lynn Schimdt PH.D; Creating Characters by the editors of Writer's Digest April 4, 2013 - 10:29pm

Favorite Bosstones song...

Jonathan Riley's picture
Jonathan Riley from Memphis, Tennessee is reading Flashover by Gordon Highland April 4, 2013 - 10:32pm

Did you record that with your phone moon. Better yet. Did you use a moon-phone?

Dwayne's picture
Dwayne from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updated April 4, 2013 - 10:55pm

Does anyone want to hear my moon-phone story?*

*It isn't a story about a real moon-phone, but the phrase was one I used years before this site was up.

Frank Chapel's picture
Frank Chapel from California is reading Thomas Ligotti's works April 4, 2013 - 11:19pm

That's no moon-phone, it's a space station. Or a trap... duno.

Dwayne's picture
Dwayne from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updated April 4, 2013 - 11:59pm

The words, "that's no moon-phone" is indeed part of the story. No Star Wars lines though.

voodoo_em's picture
voodoo_em from England is reading All the books by Ira Levin April 5, 2013 - 2:54am

I read and voted.

Great stories guys :)

Bekanator's picture
Bekanator from Kamloops, British Columbia is reading Ugly Girls by Lindsay Hunter April 5, 2013 - 6:46am

That's a great prompt. I'm gonna read these babies tonight after work!

sean of the dead's picture
sean of the dead from Madisonville, KY is reading Peckerwood, by Jed Ayres April 5, 2013 - 7:05am

nice work guys!

Dwayne's picture
Dwayne from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updated April 5, 2013 - 7:25am

@Bek - Thanks, I've been working on it for over a year, first one I got to give.

Ian's picture
Ian from Texas is reading Low Down Death Right Easy by J. David Osborne April 5, 2013 - 12:28pm

Good work, fellas.

Sound's picture
Sound from Azusa, CA is reading Greener Pastures by Michael Wehunt April 5, 2013 - 8:27pm

Wow, both good stories. 

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading The Last Thing He Wanted by Joan Didion; Story Structure Architect by Victoria Lynn Schimdt PH.D; Creating Characters by the editors of Writer's Digest April 6, 2013 - 9:08am

Bump

Sound's picture
Sound from Azusa, CA is reading Greener Pastures by Michael Wehunt April 7, 2013 - 8:03am

bump

Dino Parenti's picture
Dino Parenti from Los Angeles is reading Everything He Gets His Hands On April 7, 2013 - 10:22am

Dug these both. This was a tricky prompt for sure. Nice job.

Bekanator's picture
Bekanator from Kamloops, British Columbia is reading Ugly Girls by Lindsay Hunter April 7, 2013 - 4:20pm

Read and voted!

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading The Last Thing He Wanted by Joan Didion; Story Structure Architect by Victoria Lynn Schimdt PH.D; Creating Characters by the editors of Writer's Digest April 7, 2013 - 7:53pm

Bump

Sound's picture
Sound from Azusa, CA is reading Greener Pastures by Michael Wehunt April 8, 2013 - 9:52am

Bump, 3 days voting left! (I think)

Jonathan Riley's picture
Jonathan Riley from Memphis, Tennessee is reading Flashover by Gordon Highland April 9, 2013 - 9:21am

Bump

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters April 9, 2013 - 10:35am

I voted on this! 

Be sure and give thse guys some love. 

Stratton's picture
Stratton from Phoenix April 9, 2013 - 10:57am

Quality craftsmanship, gentlemen.

Stratton's picture
Stratton from Phoenix April 9, 2013 - 10:57am

Quality craftsmanship, gentlemen.

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks April 9, 2013 - 11:37am

I want discussion, goddamnit, so I'm going to talk about these stories. Don't read lower if you haven't read them yet!

 

 

 

--- don't read below this line ---

 

 

 

So, in the end, my vote went to London Bridges. Needing to articulate the reasons I vote the way I did has made me super aware of the contradictions in what I thought was my voting style and what actually is my voting style.

First of all, before I go any farther, I want to note that I loved both of these stories. Like, loved with all my heart. They each broke my heart. But, of course, there's a but.

The Book of Broken Glass needs a lot of work. The plot is so beautiful and heart-wrenching and really captivated me. The grammatical errors and typos, though, really tore me away from the story. That was one of the reasons that my vote ultimately went to London Bridges. Even though London Bridges had typos, too, they were less noticeable because the story was longer. I noted this in Sound v. Renfield, too, because it's worth noting: the proportion of typos and word count make a huge difference in the way they're looked at.

I do think that TBOBG had more typos, but either way, they were inherently more noticeable because of the length. And even though the plot and world were beautiful and complex and deep, the characters were a little shallow and stereotypical. I didn't feel anything from either character, and although there was definitely a change in the narrator, it wasn't one I could really put my finger on because I couldn't put my finger on him very well.

London Bridges was heart-breaking, but its effect was dampened considerably because it was predictable. As soon as I saw that they were getting on a plane, I thought, Well, there goes the mother and daughter. It's partially because of the preface, but more so the entire plot. When you write a story about suicide and trace it back to its cause, and there's a love story and child involved, well... usually, it involves either death or divorce.

I definitely thought that TBOBG was way more unique and original than LB, but that wasn't enough for me in this case. Other times, like in Photon v. Ryan, I've been partially compelled to vote the way I did because the story I voted for was obviously more original and authentic than the other. This battle reminds me of Renfield v. Sound, though, because the story I voted for was the less original one, but had better mechanics and voice.

I think, ultimately, this battle came down to voice for me. A lot of the time, my first criteria is writing -- the technical prowess. Even though I could tell that both of these stories had incredible, immense potential, I didn't feel that the writing was either author's best work. (I've read stories by the both of you and I truly believe that you didn't do as well as you could, but if this is your "not the best" work, you're still lightyears ahead of some writers). The voice in LB, though, far overwhelmed the voice in TBOBG and it really swung me towards it.

Sound's picture
Sound from Azusa, CA is reading Greener Pastures by Michael Wehunt April 10, 2013 - 9:06am

bump

Strange Photon's picture
Strange Photon from Fort Wayne, IN is reading Laurie Anderson lyrics April 11, 2013 - 6:45am

Jon, I think somewhere I misspelled your name by adding an H, and for that I will accept all the violence I deserve.

Oh, and bump, motherfuckers.

Jonathan Riley's picture
Jonathan Riley from Memphis, Tennessee is reading Flashover by Gordon Highland April 11, 2013 - 4:28pm

No worries, Photon. There are many ways to spell my name, shit happens.

Michael.Eric.Snyder's picture
Michael.Eric.Snyder April 11, 2013 - 5:34pm

I've read and voted in all of these battles, what feels like ages ago. I want to know who wrote what and who wins!

:)

Strange Photon's picture
Strange Photon from Fort Wayne, IN is reading Laurie Anderson lyrics April 11, 2013 - 5:58pm

I second this. I demand satisfaction!

Jonathan Riley's picture
Jonathan Riley from Memphis, Tennessee is reading Flashover by Gordon Highland April 11, 2013 - 6:11pm

Poll has officially closed and documents have been removed. It has been updated with author’s names after the story titles.
 

I want to first thank Mr. Frank Chapel for accepting the battle offer and submitting a great story.  I enjoyed the whole experience.
 

I’d like to thank everyone who read and voted for the stories.
 

Special thanks to those who voted for my story ;)
 

Also, thanks to Courtney for breaking down the stories with constructive criticism, much appreciated.
 

Michael.Eric.Snyder's picture
Michael.Eric.Snyder April 11, 2013 - 6:28pm

Wait!
I didn't mean right now.... sheesh.

Congratulations Jonathan! You're welcome! 

And if Frank Chapel ever seeks revenge, here is his revenge theme:

FULL SCREEN FOR MAXIMUM TERROR

Jonathan Riley's picture
Jonathan Riley from Memphis, Tennessee is reading Flashover by Gordon Highland April 11, 2013 - 6:17pm

Ask and you shall receive.

Just kidding, Actually the poll was set for one week exactly and just so happened to expire right after Michael and Photons request.

Michael.Eric.Snyder's picture
Michael.Eric.Snyder April 11, 2013 - 6:25pm

Strangely cute and strangely terrifying.

Strange Photon's picture
Strange Photon from Fort Wayne, IN is reading Laurie Anderson lyrics April 11, 2013 - 6:54pm

Mine wasn't a request. I never request.

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading The Last Thing He Wanted by Joan Didion; Story Structure Architect by Victoria Lynn Schimdt PH.D; Creating Characters by the editors of Writer's Digest April 11, 2013 - 6:55pm

Congrats Jon!

Frank Chapel's picture
Frank Chapel from California is reading Thomas Ligotti's works April 11, 2013 - 8:59pm

Congrats Jon, im happy to have participated, Im digging the short story stuff and im actually getting stories done here.

P.S. i love sloth, er is it sloths?

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks April 11, 2013 - 9:05pm

Congrats Jon! Also, you did a great job too, Frank.

Jon, I waited until now to respond to your email. You said that you tend to go too predictable because you're afraid of being too subtle; I think you definitely overcorrected for this one, but I was very impressed by both stories, so it was at least a non-fatal mistake!