Bryan Eskew's picture
Bryan Eskew from United States is reading a bunch of magazines that I need to catch up on March 11, 2012 - 10:17am

I'm imagining myself to be Bob Wiley, full of neuroses that inhibit my life, walking out of Dr. Leo Marvin's office... "Baby steps out of the office...baby steps down the hall...baby steps writing a story...baby steps letting other people read my stories..."

(If you have no idea what I'm talking about, please spend the next 2 hours of your life finding and watching "What About Bob?" This could very well be the most important two hours you will ever spend sitting on your butt.)

Hello everyone. I'm Bryan. I joined the site months ago but never posted anything. I joined the workshop last week and am loving it. If you see my name, please rip apart anything I post to shreds, leaving me shuddering in tears, screaming "Why do you hate me!!!! I'm new at this!!! Leave me alone!!!" And eventually I will stop whining and get back to work and write something better. 

Long-term goal: retire on the beach, running a tiki bar, and fliriting with young women. (This is every man's secret long-term goal.)

Medium-term goal: have the ability to work half-time at my day job so I can focus on writing novels.

Short-term goal: Publish something. Anything. I'd be happy writing a menu for Applebee's at this point.

Alright, I'm done. Nice to meet you.

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks March 11, 2012 - 10:21am

Hi! Dave will be along to welcome you properly soon, but in the meantime, I think I've reviewed a story of yours already. Page 103, right? I just checked to make sure and saw that you replied -- since it wasn't a direct reply, I never saw that you had commented back. It was pretty interesting! I think you'll fit in well if you can get accustomed to our vaguely sexual overtones.

Dave's picture
Dave from a city near you is reading constantly March 11, 2012 - 11:39am

On behalf of Davery, I offer our welcome

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 11, 2012 - 11:40am

​accustomed to our vaguely sexual overtones"

 

There does seem to be a lot of innuendo in here.... 

Welcome. I am the one and only Matt. Like the Highlander. All the others are lies. 

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 11, 2012 - 11:55am

"I offer our welcome"

This is going to save me a ton of time!  I am pleased.

Dave's picture
Dave from a city near you is reading constantly March 11, 2012 - 12:01pm

It's a win-win.

Nikki Guerlain's picture
Nikki Guerlain from Portlandia March 11, 2012 - 12:12pm

Davery is what you call a twofer.

Welcome. After this whole short story death match I shall lovingly rip your work to shreds. Anyhow, you should check out and vote on the stories coming up and participate as a writer in the next one they throw. It's going to be epic. Here's hoping for spoilers!!!

Oh yeah, and my trio of bounce happy unicorns would totally say Hey-ho-hey-ho but they're like all ring-a-rosey ATM right now.

Cheers!

Jose F. Diaz's picture
Jose F. Diaz from Boston is reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel March 11, 2012 - 2:04pm

Welcome to the pit.

Is today introduction day?

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig March 11, 2012 - 5:27pm

"Vaguely sexual", "innuendo"? Did I just click on the wrong writer's forum?

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig March 11, 2012 - 5:28pm

And welcome, Bryan. I love Bill Murray.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 11, 2012 - 5:30pm

Renee - you mean because we are usually explicitly sexual?

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig March 11, 2012 - 5:33pm

Yes, that's what I meant.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 11, 2012 - 5:33pm

Speak for yourself! I don't get explicit. I think I have posted maybe...MAYBE one or two things that were questionable....I use suggestion and metaphor. 

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig March 11, 2012 - 5:52pm

I don't post anything explicit, either, but to say the forums as a whole are "vaguely" sexual makes me laugh and laugh and laugh.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 11, 2012 - 5:54pm

We have a whole thread devoted to sex stories. 

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 11, 2012 - 5:55pm

This is true....I think I posted like one thing in it....and then the boobs lady playing tennis...that's it though...

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 11, 2012 - 6:14pm

Matt - I get it.  You want to be a good boy today.  Not sure what you are playing at, but you are being a bit too obvious right now. 

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 11, 2012 - 6:16pm

What!? How is it I am being the "good boy" exactly? I am literally the same Matt I always am....100% Matt....so please explain cause this I gotta hear. Er uh read. 

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 11, 2012 - 6:20pm

It JUST started today.  I first noticed the comment about how you don’t party.  Then I started to notice comments about how you don’t make sexual jokes or whatever.  It just seems like you are making a statement today.  It's okay.  I'm just saying, you are laying it on sort of thick. 

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 11, 2012 - 6:27pm

Laying what on? I don't like most people so I don't party, plus, I am not exactly in college anymore. I don't even really like to drink. The other night with Shannon was the first time I got drunk in months... I do curse a lot thanks to the Navy and working on farms, but I don't get crude like that (and pick my spots with cursing)....Like think back to the whole "Averydolls jumblies" thing....did I say one word? No. Nada. Sometimes I think you just start shit with me just to do it. LOL, if you want to talk to me then talk you don't have to do this. 

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human March 11, 2012 - 6:28pm

I like how when I log in, then see Matt make a post followed by Avery, I can expect some form of an argument on the same thread.

 

 

ʕ◉ᴥ◉ʔ

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 11, 2012 - 6:29pm

I like how when I log in, then see Matt make a post followed by Avery, I can expect some form of an argument on the same thread."

HAHAHAHAHAHA Bravo sir. *taking some popcorn*

 

Dammit, you deleted the pop corn Panda! 

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human March 11, 2012 - 6:30pm

::eats popcorn::

 

 

 

 

ʕ◉ᴥ◉ʔ

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 11, 2012 - 6:42pm

"The other night with Shannon was the first time I got drunk in months...:

I also like how you throw out these names of people we don't know. 

 

@Panda - Show over!  I do a couple of shows here actually.  Depending on who is online.  Some are more exciting than others.

Dave's picture
Dave from a city near you is reading constantly March 11, 2012 - 6:46pm

Ill be on in about 20 minutes, will there be an encore?

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 11, 2012 - 6:47pm

Cliff hanger...

Dave's picture
Dave from a city near you is reading constantly March 11, 2012 - 6:48pm

To be continued...

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 11, 2012 - 6:51pm

will there be an encore?"
 

No dice, logging off after I finish this last review. Tomorrow is a new day however. In the mean time instead of using names, I suppose I'll start referring to people I know as "her" or "she" or "him" or "he" or even the general "my friend" Hahahaha

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks March 11, 2012 - 6:53pm

I was trying to ease Bryan in rather than push him into the sexual pond that is LitReactor.... annnd I feel horrible for instead displaying the dysfunctional family side. Sorry guys.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 11, 2012 - 6:53pm

"Hahahaha"

...

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human March 11, 2012 - 6:54pm

Avery always spices up the threads.

ʕ◉ᴥ◉ʔ

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human March 11, 2012 - 6:57pm

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I swear Dave. I swear man, I'm gonna fuckin' kerplode.

ʕ◉ᴥ◉ʔ

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 11, 2012 - 6:56pm

Panda!  Were you just attacked by a unicorn???  What happened?

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human March 11, 2012 - 6:58pm

Nothing.

Dave knows.

Getting attacked by a unicorn would be far less painful.

ʕ◉ᴥ◉ʔ

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 11, 2012 - 6:59pm

Secrets don't keep friends. 

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human March 11, 2012 - 7:06pm

It's not a secret.

 

ʕ◉ᴥ◉ʔ

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 11, 2012 - 7:10pm

Well then I am at a loss. However, I'll try and put on a good show tomorrow. I might stop by IRC tomorrow and see if you guys are still on in the morning. 

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human March 11, 2012 - 7:13pm

We might be.

 

ʕ◉ᴥ◉ʔ

Chester Pane's picture
Chester Pane from Portland, Oregon is reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz March 11, 2012 - 7:34pm

I like people who are Eskew.

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading The Last Thing He Wanted by Joan Didion; Story Structure Architect by Victoria Lynn Schimdt PH.D; Creating Characters by the editors of Writer's Digest March 11, 2012 - 7:46pm

Welcome to the gene pool...

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 11, 2012 - 7:53pm

"Welcome to the gene pool... "

OMG - when did we start procreating? 

 

 

Oh wait...I remember.

aliensoul77's picture
aliensoul77 from a cold distant star is reading the writing on the wall. March 11, 2012 - 11:14pm

Yeah, Matt, quit trying to take away a woman's right to choose!  I saw you outside the abortion clinic that said:  HAVE THE BABY OR ELSE!!!   Then you went to the feminist bookstore and peed all over the uterus section.  You are a bad bad man.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 12, 2012 - 3:10am

<---caught me?

wickedvoodoo's picture
wickedvoodoo from Mansfield, England is reading stuff. March 12, 2012 - 7:46am

What about Bob? is a quality movie. I actually saw it for the first time about a week ago. For a family movie it was funny as hell.

Anyways, hi Bryan Eskew.

Chester Pane's picture
Chester Pane from Portland, Oregon is reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz March 12, 2012 - 12:28pm

What about Bob the Unicorn? I love that movie.

Nikki Guerlain's picture
Nikki Guerlain from Portlandia March 12, 2012 - 1:22pm

I love that movie too! Especially that scene where he trots around a field of wheat and his hard pink dong is threshing the wheat from the chaff and he accidentally smacks a bumble bee with it but that's okay because they don't sting and besides the bumble bee really liked it. Good times!

Bryan Eskew's picture
Bryan Eskew from United States is reading a bunch of magazines that I need to catch up on March 17, 2012 - 11:17am

Wow. I leave for a few days, and my thread turns into a comment orgy, complete with lots of sex.

...

I love this place. 

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig March 17, 2012 - 11:37am

You're going to fit right in, Bryan.

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig March 17, 2012 - 11:37am

You're going to fit right in, Bryan.