So I thought I'd let us get them all out in one thread, and mine is a good one so I'll get it going.
I just had a conversation with a full blooded native American about immigration at my families's belated Thanksgiving dinner.
I notice, Dwayne, that in each post you make, you have no less than one typo. Is this your version of the Muslim rug-making practice wherein the artisan creates one minor flaw into each piece so as not to upstage Allah?
Dwayne! What was the conversation about?
@Jeff - 99% of the time, no. Once in a while it is a very subtle joke that no one ever has ever indicated to me they noticed. If I had to guess I'd say it is because of all the typos from doing this half asleep or on my phone. Not that those are excuses, just what happens.
@Jen - He noticed that he'd seen more immigrants from English speaking nations then other 'friendly' nations. I brought up that might make it easier to move/get citizenship.
Muslim"
Do you mean Arab, or more aptly Persian? A Muslim is a practitioner of Islam; not so much an ethnic, or vocational identity.
I can't really remember any awkward holiday moments, other than a friend of the families daughter hitting on me plainly in front of the family while I was on leave in the Navy. Wasn't so much awkward as it was one sexy romp that ended in someone's cavalier.
Man we are setting records for getting off topic! I'm so proud of you guys.
I just edited my response to get on track. Best I got chief.
lol, I was only half kidding Matt. A big part of why I post on here is it helps me think of interesting things to write. If that means we get off topic in like 3 seconds, we get off topic in like 3 seconds.
Matt -- if he meant Muslim, that would make the comment accurate, right? I think I may be delirious from sleep deprivation. PM me your number, asshole, I sent you a message like four days ago. Calling you out!
Awkward holiday moments? I have dozens.
Favorites:
1.) My first time getting drunk was on New Year's Eve off of some stolen vodka and it took me like two shots to get drunk. My mom looked at me and slurred, "You're the cheapest date in town, honey."
2.) I have the obnoxious tendency to walk around without pants on and on Christmas I opened gifts in just a long shirt and panties. My boyfriend decided to walk to my house despite my warning that he'd need to call me first and I opened the door expecting my sister only to find him, his roommate, and another of their friends along with his younger siblings.
I sent you something like a week ago, but it bounced back! I'll PM you. Cheapest date in town is classic. Hahahaha
I know, right? I love that line. Whenever someone calls me a lightweight, I come back with that. Haha!
On Thursday I wore a suit and drank eggnog and bourbon. The only other person that watches Mad Men was sick that day and didn't show up.
Mad men sort of jumped the shark for me when a girl threw herself at a just vomited Don Draper a season or two back.
For me, Mad Men jumped the shark when the news started telling me about details of the show's plot and characters instead of the fucking news. I still haven't seen an episode.
That sounds more like the news jumping the shark, not the show.
The news tossed Mad Men over the shark.
I wish that didn't make sense. It shouldn't make sense. Why does that make sense? I'm going to cry now.
Haha. It makes sense because you're just that hip.
My Awkward Holiday Moment, by Andrea Taylor
Christmas 2010.
The family farmhouse; 18 people, two cats from separate households, four dogs, and twelve dishes all jammed into 800sqft. The aunt who 25 years ago told everyone in the universe that you were wearing a bra for the first time is at it again. This time, she wants you in on her shenanigans She comes over to you, giggling in between puffs on her cigarette, oblivious to the baby you are holding, and tells you she has "planted a fucking dildo that I had your uncle pick up at the sex shop in Moose Jaw," in the bed of the aunt who currently lives in the family farmhouse. You roll your eyes and walk away, and the baby narrowly avoids a lifetime of asthma.
Fast forward to the end of the night, and all but four people, one dog and one cat remain. As you dry the last serving dish, your nine year old son walks into the kitchen, hopping excitedly from one foot to the other. The aunt who currently lives in the family farmhouse is not far behind him. She is NOT hopping excitedly from one foot to the other. In fact, she looks rather upset, and she has her hands behind her back.
"What is it, son?" you ask, interrupting his stream of "mom, mom, mom, mom, moms."
"I was playing with Ellie and her ball went under the bed in aunt and uncle's bedroom. When I went to get it out, you will never believe what I found!"
You would, actually.
It is at this point that your demure aunt brings her hands in front of her, and you see the twelve inch long hot pink, jelly dildo. You look at one another, and neither of you says anything.
"Why would anyone want a candle in the shape of a penis!" says your hopping excitedly from one foot to the other son.
Christmas 2011
Guess what the aunt who 25 years ago told everyone in the universe that you were wearing a bra for the first time got inside the daintily wrapped present marked From Santa?
Wow.
Moose Jaw? I had a hell of a night at some bar there (Coconut Joe's maybe?) on Electric Avenue (? It's been many years) while I was at UofR. Good ole Moose Jaw.
I'd just like to point out that the fact there is a place called Moose Jaw is kind of awesome.
I can't think of any good awkward family stories. Most of my stories are sorta awkward, though, in one way or another.
I did have an interesting Thanksgiving in which the police showed up at my door because the freeloader who's been infesting my house for the last couple months called them on me when I threatened to throw her out. That was fun. She's not family, though, just a psychotic friend of my old nutbag landlady. So I guess that doesn't count.
As far as places in Saskatchewan go, Moose Jaw is awesome, actually. Al Capone used it as a hideout during prohibition and there are tunnels underground not far from the rails where they ran the liquor. JGB, my family had homesteads east of Diefenbaker Lake back in the 20's, and the family farmhouse is still on there on the remaining 40 acres that hasn't been sold off.
Nice! Hang on to that land! I spent a couple summer weekends boating/fishing at Saskatchewan Landing and surrounds when I was a kid. Got to love the prairies.
I gave everyone food poisoning the first time we hosted Thanksgiving in our new house. 30 hours later and everyone was fighting for a toilet. Happy Thanksgiving!!
^ awesome, wonderwoman!
Do you mean Arab, or more aptly Persian? A Muslim is a practitioner of Islam; not so much an ethnic, or vocational identity.
I'm fairly certain he meant Muslim, as he was talking about a religious observance.
We don't do thanks giving in the UK. I did shit in a womans handbag on New Years eve if that counts.
I'm thankful it wasn't my handbag if that counts.
