Where Nightmares Are Born: The Offices of 23 Kickass Horror Writers
For writers, the only real office we need resides in our minds. As long as our imaginations exist, then—theoretically—we should be able to write anywhere, under any circumstances. It shouldn’t matter if we’re in our offices, our favorite coffee shops, or dangling on a window washer’s fragile scaffold. If Swordfish taught us anything, it’s that Wolverine looks hilarious when he’s getting a blowjob. And if we learned anything else, it’s that when put to the test, we can work under any circumstances. Our daily writing routines and habits that we use to prepare ourselves are only in our heads.
But with that said, many writers take pride over their writing stations. Sure, I have no doubt they can write wherever the hell they want, but it’s always nice to have a special area devoted to doing what you love the most. A place that makes you feel warm. A place that feels like home.
I am fascinated by the desks and offices of writers. I don’t think it necessarily says anything about what type of writer they are, but I do sometimes find myself enthralled by the photos nonetheless. Especially when it comes to horror writers. Do horror writers dress up their desks to match their genre preferences? Is every day Halloween?
These are things I wanted to know, so I tracked down photos of horror authors I admire to see what their desks look like. You’d be surprised by how much nudity I had to edit out of most of them. Seriously, you guys, just damn.
For example, here’s Jeff Strand’s writing area. As you can see, he prefers to be outside, with the beautiful sight of his backyard to keep him company.
Sadly, we had to crop out the majority of the photo, as Strand thought it would be hilarious to reenact “Goatse”. If you don’t know what “Goatse” is—first, hi, welcome to the Internet, now please go Google it. We will wait. Okay. Now go wash out your eyeballs. We’ll keep waiting. It’s okay. All right. Better? No, don’t lie to yourself. You will never be better.
Let’s try something a little bit more adorable. Like Jack Ketchum and his cute cat, Zoey!
Awwww. Look at them. I bet you already forgot about the visualization of Jeff Strand reenacting Goatse I implanted into your brain. Except now I reminded you. My bad. Here. Have more cat action! This time, with Ray Garton!
“This is me at my desk with my constant companion, Buddy, who thinks I'm furniture. My desk is pretty boring. Just above my head on the wall behind me is the giant head of a tyrannosaurus rex, and on top of the shelf behind me is all kinds of junk — Universal monster action figures, Batman, the alien from Independence Day.” — Ray Garton
I’m sorry to hit you back-to-back with an overload of cuteness. I should have spaced those out better. But I just couldn’t resist. Because awwwww.
Okay. Here’s some more photos from kickass authors.
Mercedes M. Yardley
Rebecca J. Allred
Damien Angelica Walters
John C. Foster
Michael Paul Gonzalez
K. Trap Jones
David James Keaton
D. Alexander Ward
Robert S. Wilson
Stephen King (late '80s)
[Photo credit: The Writer's Desk]
And, Finally, Some Asshole Named Max Booth III
Now...what's your writing office like? In the comments, we'd love to hear all about them.
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