jyh's picture
jyh from VA is reading whatever he feels like February 21, 2012 - 11:33pm

(I was going to make this a poll but the character count was too massive.)

What is Chuck Norris?

The 1% – Chuck Norris is the absolute cream.  He'd still be the 1% if you were already only looking at the 1% of everyone everywhere.

The 99% – Chuck Norris, by his very nature, is the overwhelming majority.  No matter how many people are in the set being evaluated, he'd still be most of them.

The 10% (as in, “Today I'm going to give 110%.”) – Chuck Norris is the eternally expanding embodiment of human potential.  Imagine everything you possibly can and then imagine more: it is but Chuck Norris' dust in a microwave-safe bowl.

Fuck Him – Chuck Norris was just a guy who was in a bunch of crappy movies.  These jokes weren't even funny five years ago.  The only reason people use Chuck Norris for these jokes is all the best action stars have long, cumbersome names and are still making waves, e.g. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, JCVD (if you have to ask...)

Nick Wilczynski's picture
Nick Wilczynski from Greensboro, NC is reading A Dance with Dragons by George R.R. Martin February 21, 2012 - 11:59pm

I blame Maddox.

Laramore Black's picture
Laramore Black from Joplin, Missouri is reading Mario Kart 8 February 22, 2012 - 12:00am

Fuck him, replace him with Bruce Campbell. 

Nick Wilczynski's picture
Nick Wilczynski from Greensboro, NC is reading A Dance with Dragons by George R.R. Martin February 22, 2012 - 12:01am

Yeah, except Bruce Campbell still gets work.

Dave's picture
Dave from a city near you is reading constantly February 22, 2012 - 12:09am

Laramore Black's picture
Laramore Black from Joplin, Missouri is reading Mario Kart 8 February 22, 2012 - 12:09am

Dave you just entered meme GOD MODE!

Laramore Black's picture
Laramore Black from Joplin, Missouri is reading Mario Kart 8 February 22, 2012 - 12:15am

Bruce Campbell doesn't have to sell Total Gyms, Chuck consider that a Burn Notice.

Chester Pane's picture
Chester Pane from Portland, Oregon is reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz February 22, 2012 - 12:42am

Fuck him. Fuck everyone. Fuck everything that moves.

Nick Wilczynski's picture
Nick Wilczynski from Greensboro, NC is reading A Dance with Dragons by George R.R. Martin February 22, 2012 - 12:44am

Lmfao laurance.

Also Dave.

Chester Pane's picture
Chester Pane from Portland, Oregon is reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz February 22, 2012 - 12:47am

Also Nick.

Utah's picture
Moderator
Utah from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry February 22, 2012 - 6:41am

The 10%.  You guys need to stop fuckin around or you will invoke the wrath.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters February 22, 2012 - 7:41am

The wrath? 

Where is Chuck Norris?  What is he doing?

Utah's picture
Moderator
Utah from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry February 22, 2012 - 10:21am

Everything.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters February 22, 2012 - 10:22am

Oh.  Of course, that.

Laramore Black's picture
Laramore Black from Joplin, Missouri is reading Mario Kart 8 February 22, 2012 - 11:06am

Chuck Norris was Dead by Dawn.

aliensoul77's picture
aliensoul77 from a cold distant star is reading the writing on the wall. February 22, 2012 - 11:37am

I need a shave.

Laramore Black's picture
Laramore Black from Joplin, Missouri is reading Mario Kart 8 February 22, 2012 - 12:39pm

Utah's picture
Moderator
Utah from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry February 22, 2012 - 12:47pm

Cheap.  He was obviouly wearing goggles when they threw the blood on him.

Laramore Black's picture
Laramore Black from Joplin, Missouri is reading Mario Kart 8 February 22, 2012 - 12:52pm

It was Chuck Norris' blood, he didn't even have to touch him.

Nick Wilczynski's picture
Nick Wilczynski from Greensboro, NC is reading A Dance with Dragons by George R.R. Martin February 22, 2012 - 12:54pm

Chuck tried to roundhouse kick Bruce in the chin.

Chuck's foot exploded.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner February 22, 2012 - 1:05pm

jyh's picture
jyh from VA is reading whatever he feels like February 22, 2012 - 1:11pm

Chuck tried to roundhouse kick Bruce in the chin.

Chuck's foot exploded.

Some industrious video editor should splice up some Riki-O footages.

jyh's picture
jyh from VA is reading whatever he feels like February 22, 2012 - 1:13pm

Also, who's Maddox?  (I'm not cool.)

Nick Wilczynski's picture
Nick Wilczynski from Greensboro, NC is reading A Dance with Dragons by George R.R. Martin February 22, 2012 - 1:18pm

That's what google is for.

jyh's picture
jyh from VA is reading whatever he feels like February 22, 2012 - 1:24pm

Oh, that Maddox.  I thought there was a chance you weren't talking about him.

Nick Wilczynski's picture
Nick Wilczynski from Greensboro, NC is reading A Dance with Dragons by George R.R. Martin February 22, 2012 - 1:51pm

I believe that there are standing court decisions that permit any american citizen to blame anything on Maddox, but there was a chapter in The Alphabet of Manliness about Chuck Norris and while the trend didn't start there Maddox has always been an enthusiastic advocate of Chuck Norris jokes.

aliensoul77's picture
aliensoul77 from a cold distant star is reading the writing on the wall. February 23, 2012 - 11:09pm

Laramore Black's picture
Laramore Black from Joplin, Missouri is reading Mario Kart 8 February 23, 2012 - 11:11pm

Jose F. Diaz's picture
Jose F. Diaz from Boston is reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel February 24, 2012 - 11:53am

Laramore Black's picture
Laramore Black from Joplin, Missouri is reading Mario Kart 8 February 24, 2012 - 11:56am

Laramore Black's picture
Laramore Black from Joplin, Missouri is reading Mario Kart 8 February 24, 2012 - 12:04pm

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig February 24, 2012 - 12:17pm

OMG^^^ THAT IS FUCKING THE SHIT.

I realize that sentence made no sense, but it was that fucking cool.

I love Bruce. Bruce wins.

Utah's picture
Moderator
Utah from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry February 24, 2012 - 12:38pm

THAT IS FUCKING THE SHIT.

I understand there are people who are into that...